Got $2K? It's Not Too Late for Coachella

Note: Coachella, Southern California's version of FPSF, starts today in the high desert outside Palm Springs. Our friends at LA Weekly and OC Weekly will be there the whole weekend and will be bringing us regular updates.

If you don't have tickets yet for the first weekend of Coachella -- which starts this afternoon -- don't bother.

As you can see from the SeatGeek chart above, prices on the secondary market (places like Stub Hub and eBay) are absolutely out of control right now.

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The Five Most Difficult Song Lyrics to Understand

If the reference in this photo eludes you, read on to the end, friend.
Most bands want their vocals to sound crisp and clear for maximum singalong purposes. How the hell are you going to lead a stadium of people to sing your lyrics at you if they don't know what you're saying?

But there are exceptions, and it probably shouldn't come as a surprise that for whatever reasons bands have recorded songs, intentionally or not, that continue to befuddle karaoke singers around the world. Some have even sparked controversy, because if you can't understand what they're saying, they could be saying anything! Even something dirty! Here's five of the most ridiculously hard-to-understand songs.

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Music's Got 99 Problems, and Jay Z Ain't One

According to a recent report, Justin Bieber's mom -- who we'll just call Mama Bieber -- is planning to launch her music career.

Yes, that means exactly what you think it does. Two Biebers will be working the fame-whore stroll -- probably together, since rumor has it that they're recording a duet. We know what you're thinking: The world doesn't need a Bieber duet, and we'd have to agree with you. The last thing we want to see is more Bieber headlines, about mother or son. They've done enough already.

And the idea of a Bieber duet may be a travesty, but so are a lot of things happening in music at the moment. Miley's tongue shoved down Katy Perry's throat is a prime example. So much wrong; so little right.

So you may be having girl problems, and we do indeed feel bad for you, son. But the real issue here is that music's got 99 problems, and a bitch still ain't one.

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Five American Anthems Sung In Other Languages

Categories: WTF Island

This past Sunday, we witnessed what was either a charming portrayal of the broad multicultural landscape that is America, or the most shocking betrayal of American values by an American cultural icon that we've ever witnessed. Of course, I'm talking about Coca-Cola's commercial during the Super Bowl that featured "America the Beautiful" being sung in multiple different languages.

Immediately following the premiere, the Internet exploded with tweets and Facebook posts and blogs by outraged conservatives who felt that Coke had betrayed them by singing that song in anything other than good old American English.

While I don't want my conservative friends' blood pressures to spike any more than they already have, I decided to respond by immediately going to YouTube and finding as many quintessentially American songs sung in languages other than English as I could because, well, I'm a troll of the highest caliber. Here are the five best that I found.

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Football Music: Looking Back on NFL Jams

Categories: WTF Island

Super Bowl XLVIII is this weekend and though it's probably still stinging for many Texans fans that their Super Bowl dreams went up in smoke sometime around week three of the regular season, most of them will still be tuning in to see the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks go head to head.

In the meantime, Rocks Off is getting ready by indulging in all things football. I myself am a Broncos fan, so Super Bowl fever is in full effect. Given my passion for music, I'm of course looking forward to seeing Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform at halftime, even though there's no chance of it topping Prince's best halftime show ever performance in 2007.

I'm also jamming a little something called NFL Jams. Never heard of it? It's a largely forgotten CD series released in the '90s featuring musicians collaborating with then-current NFL stars. It's a bit of a bizarre footnote in music and football history, but I decided to give them a spin again to get ready for the big day.

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10 Silly Predictions for Sunday's Grammy Awards

Photo by Nora Lezano/Courtesy of Nasty Little Man
Queens of the Stone Age: probably not playing "Rihannon"
This Sunday the music business will celebrate its equivalent of Oscar night when the 56th annual Grammy Awards are handed out at L.A.'s Staples Center. Basically it combines two high-school traditions, the prom and the talent show, but the Grammys are always worth watching -- if nothing else, the outfits are a lot more interesting than the Oscars, and someone is almost guaranteed to go off-script (aka "The Kanye Conundrum"). Thus it's about the only time of year the likes of Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight pay any attention to the likes of Kendrick Lamar, Queens of the Stone Age and Gary Clark Jr., who have all been announced as first-time performers.

They're hardly the only ones, too. The other big reason to watch the Grammys is that the ratio of performances to actual awards presented is approximately 3:1, so occasionally there's some great stuff on there. Adele in 2012 comes to mind; so does last year's bizarre medley by host LL Cool J, Chuck D, Tom Morello, Travis Barker and DJ Z-Trip that climaxed in a Beastie Boys tribute of "No Sleep Til Brooklyn."

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For Once Kanye's Anger Was Totally Justified

Look into his eyes. That is not a man I would mess with.
I like that Kanye West fellow. He may be the most fatheaded, arrogant jerk of all time in most of his interviews, but every once in a while he puts out a great album and makes us forget all the stupid things he said to Jimmy Kimmel or Zane Lowe.

He also has a habit of getting into fights -- verbal or physical -- for any reason presented to him. You may recall he just got out of a court case late last year for an alleged assault on a paparazzo who was trying to photograph him. He's back in the news for another alleged assault that occurred Monday, but this time it comes with a twist: For perhaps the first time, I believe, Kanye West was completely justified in his actions.

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Is This the Michael Bolton Renaissance We've All Been Waiting For?

Categories: WTF Island

He's back, baby! Happy Honda Days from Michael Bolton.
Soft-rock seems to be making a comeback. Just recently Phil Collins announced his glorious return to music, and now Michael Bolton has been plastered all over our TV screens. That's right, Michael Bolton. That balding dude your mom used to listen to.

It's tough defending Bolton, but hey, I'm up to the task. It looks like Bolton is back in a big way, and though he seems to be rocking hair plugs or a wig or some such ridiculousness, I'm glad of it. This is the Michael Bolton renaissance we've all been waiting for, and I personally welcome our new adult-contemporary commercial-jingle overlord.

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Five Trap Christmas Songs to Get Your Party Turnt Up

Christmas is here, food is cooking, family is visiting and presents are waiting to be opened. Now is the time to think about setting the right atmosphere for the occasion. Christmas day is supposed to be a happy day, an exciting day, one full of laughs and merriment. For the love of God, don't bore your family with the same, laid-back Christmas jams you play every year. Take things up a notch and make it a real celebration.

Your family likes trap music, right?

Good. Grab these five songs and throw them into your holiday playlist. Nothing shakes off the cobwebs of "Silver Bells" like some high-hat rolls and bass drops.

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It's Really Time to Stop Encouraging R. Kelly

R. Kelly and Lady Gaga in an uncompromising position on Saturday Night Live last month
He crossed the line with my daughter. It didn't get to the extreme of that [sex tape] video or else I wouldn't be here, if you know what I'm talking about... The reason that I'm talking about this, it's not just for me, it's not for my wife, it's not for my daughter, but it's for other fathers and mothers because it doesn't have to be a superstar, it could be the dude on the corner.

There are guys who sit around and give your child a couple of bucks to go to school and then wait until they get a little older, then they set that trap.

-- George Daniels, husband of former R. Kelly spokesperson Regina Daniels, 2008
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