Houston Music Blog

In terms of sanity, it doesn't usually pay many dividends to look too deeply into what publicists write and email to music writers. If 80 percent of all teachers come from the lowest 20 percent of SAT scores, it's probably a safe assumption to assume approximately the same ratio when it comes to PR grunts.

Lonesome Onry and Mean recently received a tout message on behalf of up-and-coming country singer Michelle Turley from Gurley & Co. in Nashville. According to Gurley & Co., Turley's new single, "Hard Times," is one red-hot number waiting to move up to the top of the charts. Thus reads the press release:

"'Hard Times" is the title of Michelle Turley's debut single but radio is finding it an easy listen as over 109 radio stations have added the song. 'Hard Times' gives a little whimsical twist to some of the real pinch many are. Her voice has been described as part Emmylou Harris and part Paulette Carlson.

"Michelle sings, 'We've been livin through some Hard Times, My back is breakin just to make a little livin, I gotta crummy ole job and it doesn't pay much, Uncle Sam is taken what I'm givin.' The lyrics stop short of the classic Johnny Paycheck anthem. 'Take This Job [and Shove It].'"

Uh... yeah, lady, they damn sure do. In fact, about the only thing they don't stop short of is stupidity and banality.

It seems the recession is even beginning to cut into superstars like Britney Spears' pocketbooks. Rocks Off found out today that Spears' current "Circus" tour, which stops at Toyota Center Monday night, is what they call in the biz a "no-comp" affair, meaning the block of tickets usually set aside for press types like yours truly does not exist.

Guess the tour folks figure there's no reason to waste such a hot ticket on us journalist hacks when there's plenty of people out there willing to cough up the clams. (Although, according to www.toyotacentertix.com, as of Thursday afternoon tickets were still available at the $500 and $250 levels, so maybe they're not so willing after all.) Besides, Rocks Off suspects they've still managed to set aside a few freebies for corporate sponsors and the like.

Admittedly, here at the Press we receive all kinds of stupid shit, especially from publicists. But seldom have we gotten a press release with less social merit and higher scuzz factor than this one from WMG (Warner Music Group), entitled "Screw The NCAA's...Welcome To the DIRTY TOURNEY!"

I know record companies are in the toilet, so I guess it's a natural progression that their publicity departments go there too. Some of the copy from this release seems to beg the question: if your degree is in Public Relations, is your minor in Terminal Stupidity? Well, judge for yourselves from the quoted material below:

"Just in time for bracket season, BURN HALO, FRAMING HANLEY, SALIVA & THEORY OF A DEADMAN present a provocative twist to March Madness. People, welcome to the DIRTY TOURNEY!

ATTENTION FEMALES!

ATTENTION BOYFRIENDS!

Do you or your girlfriend have what it takes to be crowned the Queen of Unclean? Want to win a trip for two to Vegas? Prove it. Enter Now!"

Dana Boyce

I had already drawn a bullseye on the side of my forehead and was just getting the gun out of the drawer. I'm normally not suicidal or, for that matter, the type to brood and get depressed. But as has been mentioned in these pages before, every so often a publicist just makes me want to blow my brains out.

This week's culprit was a little lady from LaLaLand. I'd already sent her boss an email about Solarcade last week, politely telling her I thought she was mistargeting her efforts by sending me emails about bands like this. Not to mention the two copies of the CD she wasted on me on Solarcade's behalf - and which I immediately took my nearest bootleg CD dealer so I didn't have to visit the blood bank this week.

The suicidal topper came shortly after, though: "Solarcade is a kind of Coldplay for the high-minded crowd."

Is my gun oiled and functioning?