True Blood: Your Warpaint is Running

Categories: TV Party

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Back when I was a big wrestling fan I had a rule; never watch the show before a big pay-per-view. For God's sake, never waste money going to a live show before the PPV.

It's not that it's a ripoff per se. It's just that whatever you're going to see is going to be the last of the beginning of what comes after, you know? It's like the ending of Kill Bill Vol. 1. Everyone who saw that in the theater left their seats with an enormous set of Blue Plot Balls, and often the episode before a season finale is the same.

True Blood is frankly notorious for this sort of thing. In seven years, I cannot name a single episode before the finale that was even passable.


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True Blood: Moby vs. Mopey

Categories: TV Party

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Spoilers ahead in this one. Big spoilers.

As the last season of True Blood comes to a close, it's pretty clear that we're saying goodbye to better aspects of the show the way you say goodbye to a friend who is very sick and is never going to get better.

Well excuse me, because I'm not that guy and I expect the best you have to offer right up until the flatline. True Blood once again underwhelms in its final days.


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True Blood: Dwarves, Rutger Hauer and Roy Orbison

Categories: TV Party

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Some people say that as the universe's entropy speeds us towards the inevitable Big Crunch, the massive amount of forces in play will actually cause bits of reality, space and time to break off from the universe proper and explode beautifully and brightly as the rest of us trudge towards our cold, singularity-based doom.

This week's episode of True Blood was a lot like that.

It was a broken-up series of pretty awesome moments that nonetheless seemed to have no real connection to the narrative. First off, there was a surprise re-appearance on the show by Marcia de Rousse as Dr. Ludwig. Sookie calls the dwarven -- she is actually a dwarf, like in Tolkien, not like in Game of Thrones -- to see what the mystical doctor can do with Bill Compton's mysteriously fast-progressing Hep V.

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Doctor Who's Five Best Recent Pop-Song Parodies

Categories: TV Party

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Whenever I hear that a new song sensation is sweeping the radio waves, I do two things. First, I take a moment to try and remember what radio is and whether or not it matters (spoiler: it doesn't). Second, I wait approximately three to five days for a Doctor Who-inspired version to end up on YouTube.

In this way I manage to experience all the earworminess of modern pop radio without being force to wed them to terrible lyrics by terrible people about terrible things. I just get to go on about my day pretending every song is secretly about The Doctor anyway.

If you're of the same ilk, here are five of the biggest pop hits of the past several years that have been Doctored (I kill me) for a Whovian's tastes.


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True Blood: They Don't Know What "Karma" Means

Categories: TV Party

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Pardon me as I wax spiritually about my brief years as a Buddhist...

Karma is a bit more complicated than people think. You see someone scream at a supermarket cashier and then he or she slips on the way out the door and wipes out? Karma, baby!

No, it's not. Karma is the accumulation of the actions of this life as they affect the next. What you're thinking of is poetic justice, and that's a whole different set of gods.


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True Blood: Flashbacks and Tearjerkers

Categories: TV Party

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Despite some recent stellar showings, it's pretty apparent True Blood is going out in a whisper, not a bang. That's fine. Seven seasons of a vampire show is always going to be a bit much. The last season of Buffy certainly wasn't anything to write home to mom about.

In a more solid season, this week's episode would have be a nice palate-cleanser. It would have served as one of those moments when we sit back and reflect on the characters themselves rather than whatever uber-contrived plot was going on in the background. Such breaks are necessary.

Admittedly, this was an emotional rollercoaster. I was honestly near tears when Andy spontaneously decided to propose to Holly, borrowing Sookie and Jason's grandmother's wedding ring for the task. Chris Bauer has honestly become the most solid performer in the show, able to deliver a unique everyman approach to all the supernatural goings-on that is sometimes lacking. He has nothing but a sense of small-town Southern justice, and it serves him remarkably well.


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True Blood: Life in the Corpse

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I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I expect True Blood to go out harder than a train crash in the third Atlas Shrugged movie. This show exists to justify the phrase "Get out while the getting's good."

And yet.

AAANNNDDD yet...this week was honestly one of my favorite episodes in the show's history. It was really, really good, you guys.


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True Blood: Pointless Naked People

Categories: TV Party

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Let me preface this recap with a statement. I like tits.

I do. I really do. I like naked ladies a very great deal. I know that the mammary glands are made for the rearing of children, but I unabashedly love them just for the funny feeling they give me in the groin area. Call me a pig if you must, but swinging sweater meat and hard nipples are high on my list of favorite things.

That said...True Blood? Cut it out.

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Nashville Stars Step Onstage But Not Out of Character

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Photos courtesy of Dancy Ware PR
Claire Bowen
It's been several decades, since The Monkees and The Partridge Family, that a television show about fictional musicians has turned its actors into real-life singing stars. Maybe it was MTV's fault, or the flood of reality programming, but the '80s through '00s were painfully short on shows capitalizing on the dramatic opportunities begged by even the most quotidian musician's life. Not until Nashville, ABC's hourlong soap set in the country-music capital, did viewers weaned on American Idol-ish competition shows realize that other forms of music could be ready for prime time too.

True, even without all the music, Nashville would be one of the better dramas on network television. It's a well-written, well-acted, totally immersive window into a glamorous but treacherous segment of American society. Imagine Scandal with fewer skeletons in its characters' closets (but not many), or The Good Wife set backstage at the Grand Ole Opry instead of courtrooms. But Nashville, created by Thelma and Louise screenwriter Callie Khouri, came up with an ingenious twist: on this show, the songs and the characters are for all intents and purposes inseparable.

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Five Artists Cameron Crowe Should Base His TV Show On

Categories: TV Party

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Cameron Crowe's last foray into the world of rock.
Director Cameron Crowe has never made a TV show before, but he's currently at work developing one for Showtime, treading some familiar territory for him: rock bands. Specifically, he'll be turning his attention onto roadies, and the trials and tribulations they go through while working for famous rockers.

There's probably a million stories to tell about this subject, and the Almost Famous director will surely plumb the depths of those stories for ideas. That being said, we came up with a few suggestions for who he might start off with.


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