Sorry, BeyHive, But We Are All Yoncé'd Out

This past Wednesday night, there was an entire Beyoncé category on on Jeopardy. Just let that sink in for a minute.

Ready? Here we go.

We are all Yoncé'd out.

That means we are over the Jeopardy categories. We are over the album drops. We are weary of the gossip items, blind items, bump watches and Jay Z sightings. That means we are tired of the "Surfborts" and "Single Ladies" parodies. Even the Solange jokes, too.

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Old-School Rap Lowers "The Boom" on Radio Beyoncé

Photo by Marco Torres
The Geto Boys in July 2013
As predicted, Houston's all-Beyoncé FM radio station that debuted last week proved short-lived. As of a few minutes ago, KROI-FM or "B92," which debuted last Wednesday in the wake of surprise layoffs at the now-former News 92.1 FM, has changed its format to classic hip-hop and rebranded itself "The Boom."

B92 blinked out at the stroke of 5 p.m., right in the middle of Beyoncé's "If I Were a Boy," but for the moment the retooled station is still streaming at A station ID gave way to an EKG flatline sound effect, then flipping-station static, then a montage that included Naughty By Nature's "Hip Hop Hooray," Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg's "Nothin' But a G Thang," Lil Keke's "Southside," and finally landed on the Geto Boys' "Mind Playin' Tricks on Me." The next song after that was Ice Cube's "Check Yo Self," which of course samples Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five's "The Message." (Well played.)

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What's Going on With This All-Beyoncé Station?

Parkwood Entertainment
The talk of the radio world today is the stark layoffs and new format at the now-former News 92 FM, which earlier Wednesday announced that it was ending its news operation and letting go of all its 47 employees. Then it started playing Beyonce, nothing but Beyonce, and -- calling itself "B92" -- has yet to stop.

Earlier today the Radio One-owned station posted this statement on its Web site:

NEWS92, Houston's first FM all-news radio station, aired its last broadcast Wednesday, October 8th, 2014. We'd like to thank the NEWS92 staff for their outstanding service, our advertisers and each of you our listeners and Web visitors for your support.

This difficult decision is a result of sustained poor ratings performance and significant financial losses over the past three years despite the substantial financial and human resources we invested.

Unfortunately, the market hasn't shown a sustainable appetite for news radio, but each of you motivated us daily to produce a high-quality news program. Together, we made history.

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Deep Undercover at the YMCA's Beyoncé Fitness Class

Photo by Robin Harper/Courtesy of Parkwood Entertainment
All hail the Queen.
Nykema Brown has just seamlessly executed a dance move that looks like a cross between something from a Qing Gong flick and a Crossfit burpee -- and she's managed to make it look sexy. She then whips her head back to the beat.

"...5, 6, 7, 8!" she shouts with a smile.

It's a Wednesday night and I'm dancing with the best of 'em at the Houston Texans YMCA (5404 Griggs Road), drenched in sweat in what could easily be touted as the fiercest dance class this side of the Mason-Dixon line.

Brown, the teacher, offers a modification to the next move in the routine, which looks physically impossible. I ask for a modification of the modification, and the class erupts in laughter.

The class consists of 25 women and myself, the lone wolf who might have gotten himself in a little too deep this time around.

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The Most Absurd Beyonce Headlines We've Seen Recently

Being Beyonce is apparently a tough gig to pull off. Not only is she a pop icon, she's also a faux-baby-bump-sporting member of the Illuminati who is buying Neverland Ranch. And that's just the Bey of the past year or so.

Look back a bit further and you'll figure out that she's been pregnant once a month for at least four years or so -- which defies the odds on every level -- and she's slept through a Japanese earthquake to boot. The Beyonce rumor mill is always churning up newer, more ridiculous shit, giving us some of the most absurd headlines known to man, even by Radar Online standards.

Bey will be in town next week for a stop on the Mrs. Carter Show World Tour, the first of her two scheduled shows here this year, so we figured what better way to help you prep for the madness than to remind you of the many ways the world is obsessed with Queen Bey, courtesy of some of the worst Beyonce-themed headlines around.

So here ya go -- welcome to our Beyonce rumor roundup. Prepare yourself for a boatload o' stupid, and a whole lot of pregnant. Jay Z must be a serious stud.

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Beyonce Headed Back to Toyota Center December 10

Photo by Daniel Kramer
Beyonce at Toyota Center in July 2009
Beyonce is a busy woman these days, but Houston's hometown superstar has managed to make some time to get home for the holidays -- on her second Toyota Center stop on her "Mrs. Carter World Tour" in a six months.

Live Nation announced this morning that Beyonce will return to Houston on December 10, less than five months after the tour stops in Houston on July 15. According to Toyota Center's Web site, tickets her still available for her July 15 show at the downtown arena.

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Five Things We Learned from That Beyoncé Documentary on HBO


Life is But a Dream, the HBO documentary about Beyoncé that was directed and produced by Beyoncé, premiered over the weekend. Did you watch it? Of course not, you're much too cool for that. Luckily for you, we ain't, because it was a pretty interesting little film.

Not due to the narrative, mind you, which was really pretty dull. Basically, our favorite homegrown diva walks us through the joys and anxieties of the last couple years of her life since firing her father, Matthew Knowles, as her manager and charting her own course in the biz (oh, and becoming a mommy along the way).

The film was hyped as an unvarnished look at Beyoncé's life, but who honestly believed that? She directed, produced and starred in the thing: We only see and hear what she wants us to. At best, it's a trumped-up episode of "Making the Video." At worst, it's the exceedingly boring video diary of a beautiful control freak.

Still, there were a few revealing moments on display - not all of them expected. Because your mom is too cheap to shell out for HBO, we've helpfully compiled here the top five things we learned from Life is But a Dream:

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Beyonce Stoops to Conquer Toyota Center July 15

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The Right Profile: Beyonce was all the electricity Super Bowl XLVII needed.
Hot off the heels of her electrifying Super Bowl halftime performance, which some believe had something to do with the mysterious blackout at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome shortly into the game's third quarter, Beyonce announced after the game that she will hit the road later this year for her first world tour since 2009.

Presented by Live Nation, the North American leg begins June 28 at L.A.'s Staples Center and visits her hometown arena, Toyota Center, July 15. Also on the itinerary is the Barclays Center, the new arena in downtown Brooklyn in which Beyonce's husband Jay-Z (or "Mr. Carter") owns a small stake.

"It is expected to be bigger in scope than any of her previous shows," a Live Nation press release said.

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The Destiny's Child Compilation Beyoncé Doesn't Want You to Hear

Beyoncé, with others
With all the excitement buzzing around the rumored Destiny's Child reunion during Beyoncé's Super Bowl Halftime set on Sunday, one could be forgiven for picking up a copy of the iconic girl group's latest compilation album, the imaginatively titled Love Songs. After all, it includes a whole stack of DC's smoothest, silkiest R&B ballads, and it's even got a brand-new single attached, to boot.


VIDEO: Beyonce Wows Super Bowl Press Conference Crowd By Singing Anthem Live

But don't do it. Do not buy this record. I know it's bright and shiny and new, and that it's been a while since we got a fresh single from these hometown heartbreakers. But since when, exactly, has Destiny's Child been known for their love songs? You think anybody's going to want to hear "Cater 2 U" at the Super Bowl? Hell no!

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MTV: Beyonce Headlining Super Bowl XLVII Halftime Show

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Photo by Daniel Kramer
Beyonce at Toyota Center in July 2009
Beyonce, native Houstonian, role model, Tumblr-keeper, wife of Jay-Z, friend and favorite of President Obama, supposedly has yet another feather to add to her headdress come February: Super Bowl Halftime headliner.

According to, the 31-year-old HSPVA alumna will be the featured entertainment at Super Bowl XLVII, scheduled for February 3, 2013 at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome just down I-10 in New Orleans. Citing an unnamed source at the Associated Press, the report said possible guest appearances at the show could include Jay-Z (of course they would) as well as a possible reunion of Destiny's Child.

An official statement is expected from Team Beyonce tomorrow, the report added.

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