Because someone, somewhere wants me to make middle-school boner jokes today, Chubby Checker of "Twist" fame is suing Hewlett-Packard and Palm for releasing the "Chubby Checker," an app used to estimate a dude's potential boner size by measuring his foot. (Apparently the whole "judge a man by his shoe size" old wives' tale is true. Who knew?)
Marketed by its ability to support different units of measurement depending on your region, the app promises to help eliminate that whole "awkward disappointment with his mini-me" thing that we ladies so often face.
But don't issue that collective sigh just yet, ladies. The boner app has been off the market since September 2012, essentially ruining the lives of millions of women who weren't even aware the damn thing even existed.