Today is Earth Day, and your newsfeed is inundated with calls to protect the environment and uplifting memes involving trees. And if you live in Texas, you need to stop that. Stop it right now.
Photo by the National Park Service Theodore Roosevelt National Park
Clearly we are not the good guys, okay? We're drilling so hard it causes earthquakes; we elected to the office of governor a man who did all he could as attorney general to make sure there were fewer ways to find out if you lived near a hazardous chemical manufacturer; and, even though we're a wind power-generating powerhouse, plenty of folks in the legislature are trying hard to undo that.
In short, Texans are basically like that episode of Captain Planet, when all the villains made rings and summoned the evil Captain Pollution. Let's just embrace it, okay. Come on and screw Earth Day with these seven pro-pollution songs to jam by.