There are a million songs in the naked [Lone Star] state. Some - okay, most - are boastful, some are introspective and some are merely stupid, as the Austin Lounge Lizards once noted. Whatever the case, all must be subjected to the rigorours scrutiny of the Lone Star Scorecard in order to make sure no one is spreading falsehoods, which would besmirch the honor of the brave settlers who revolted against the Mexican government so they could continue owning slaves.
Chris Rea, "Texas"
Man, England must be really going down the tubes if the Rea family is considering coming to Texas to escape rising tensions at home. Or maybe they just want to move someplace where they can shoot people on their neighbors' property.
He Said was lucky to have spent twenty-five years on Earth with his Grandpa Hlavaty, who passed away in the summer of 2008 of a brain hemorrhage. The man was arguably one of the biggest musical influences in He Said's life. The intrepid and stealthy Grandpa Gonzalez is kicking the around the country somewhere on a sweet motorcycle or driving through the Midwest in his gigantic RV and his chihuahua with Grandma Ana watching a movie in the back.
Seeing that He Said is one-half Hispanic and Czech, he got a crazy mish-mash of accordions and classic country growing up visiting houses in Corpus Christi and the Hlavaty place in Pearland. Meaning that growing up, Hank Williams Sr. and Dwight Yoakam got plenty of spins next to the Nirvana and Devo at home with the parents. It explains way too much and not nearly enough.
She Said has something she wants to admit. Here goes nothing. We... like... country music.
No big deal, right? You wouldn't think so, unless you grew up in a town filled with racist rednecks who thought the glitz of '90s Nashville qualifies for the only music worth listenin' to. She Said rebelled by listening to bands like the Stones and Bikini Kill, cutting off all her hair, and begging her dad to buy her combat boots at the Army Surplus store, which she wore Angela Chase-style with flow-y dresses and moth-devoured cardigans.
So her aversion to country stemmed from a misunderstanding of the genre. Garth Brooks isn't country. Garth Brooks is a pop star. That she learned from our paternal grandfather, Pawpaw, who set her straight by turning her on to the singing cowboy tradition of her home state, Oklahoma. As she got older she learned her grandfather had been a bona fide Rockabilly - he had the loudest hot rod in town, and his two faded forearm tattoos were once harbingers of the boy you wouldn't want to bring home to Daddy.
Kenny Rogers brings his vast collection of hits and the plastic-surgery disaster he calls a face to Jones Hall to perform with the Houston Symphony tonight, and obviously Rocks Off's extremities are sweating profusely in anticipation. Not because he can't wait to hear "She Believes in Me" with full orchestral backup, but because we're such huge fans of his Kenny Rogers Roasters chain of restaurants, featured in one of our favorite Seinfeld episodes.
The Roasters chain is mostly confined to Asia these days, giving the Filipino government a convenient place to dispose of all those avian-flu-infected carcasses. Still, Rogers' return to his hometown got us thinking about other... inspired celebrity products.
Don't act so surprised...
As we can fatefully attest, rock and roll and tattoos go hand in hand. The first time Rocks Off saw a grizzled punk rocker walk by at Fitzgerald's back in the '90s with two sleeves full of tattoos and a chest full of nautical-themed art, we mentally pointed at him and said "That's what we want", and from that day on we were hooked.
Since we started getting tattoos we have seen the world change in regards to how inked people are regarded. They were one or all the following: drug addicts, musicians, mechanics, or jailbirds. We remember a time when tattoo shops weren't huge magnificent buildings with buxom blondes working the front desk with a headset on, like on so many reality shows.
Sometimes the shops we frequented and still frequent don't even have a front desk. The soundtrack wasn't Buckcherry or Kings Of Leon; it was proto-sludge bands like Hawkwind or rock-steady ska in the vein of the Slackers. Also, not everyone has some horrific sob story surrounding each one of their ink spots, like the television would have you believe. There are times when a naked zombie girl straddling Death just looks cool on your arm.
The run-up to the 2009 elections has been quite a letdown compared to the fascinating and occasionally surreal 2008 campaigns. Obviously, there's nothing that can compare to last year's Presidential contests, and the local mayoral race has been less than compelling.
We were going to present this as a list of songs to listen to while waiting in line to vote, but considering that area turnout is estimated to be in the 30 percent range and you'll probably be in and out of the booth in a matter of minutes, think of these as songs to listen to while waiting to see who Bill White endorses in the runoff.
Arcadia, "Election Day"
The most compelling evidence that extraterrestrials have not, in fact, become aware of our existence is this video, because any intergalactic civilization encountering this incomprehensible exercise in 1980s self-indulgence would've been compelled to immediately disintegrate the earth for the good of the universe.
Back in the summer of1997, one couldn't walk out of their house without hearing someone humming, blaring, or damning to Hell that juicy nugget of pop rock that was Hanson's "MMMBop". Depending on your age and gender, you either understood the hooky genius of the song or you were just in love with the boys dreamy locks of hair and gentle Oklahoma-bred smiles. For a moment in time, Isaac, Taylor, and Zac could do no wrong in the eyes of teen girls the world over.
Smug folks dismissed "MMMBop" as pop fluff of the illest repute, forgetting the fact that it was written by three musically-educated teen boys who worshipped artists like the Beatles and Chuck Berry. Insipid as it was at turns, it was also expertly crafted. In a year that gave us the Spice Girls, Aqua's "Barbie Girl", and the Backstreet Boys, it's strange that actual instrumentation was shunned. A few more singles were culled from their Middle Of Nowhere LP over the rest of the year, and the brothers released the requisite Christmas album just in time to cash in on the hype surrounding them.
Let's face it: the Monster Mash blows. So do many of the songs we're forced to suffer through every Halloweentide. A couple of years ago, Rocks Off heard "One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater" on XM Radio's Halloween-themed channel, and wanted to sneak into a haunted house and hang himself just like that urban legend.
We won't put you through that. Instead, we've compiled a playlist of a bunch of songs with spooky themes that won't make you want to hunt down and slap the top hat off Dr. Demento. We've got demons, monsters, werewolves, ghosts, the Devil and more. All you have to do is hit play on the video below and let it run... IF YOU DARE. And there's really no reason you shouldn't - we didn't mean to suggest otherwise.
You have been watching...
We admit, we never thought he had it in him, but apparently the Governator is capable of human cleverness - just like all non-cybernetic organisms. That is, if we accept that the acrostic in this veto message here isn't just a coincidence (read the first letter of each line in the second and third paragraphs).
That's a good one, but this being Rocks Off, we would've preferred Schwarzenegger put his F-U into song form, like these folks.
When Rocks Off started asking local musicians to fill out music-related lists as suggested in Lisa Nola's Music Listography, we never expected to get one like this one from one-man skronk-blues machine Room 101, known to a few select people as Roburt Reynolds. Reynolds, who plays Thursday at the Mink with Digital Leather, the Energy and DJ Psychedelic Sex Panther, and again Friday at the Canvas (708 Telephone Rd.) with Giant Princess, Strictly Buisness, DogHouse and the Dead Leslies, chose to fill out "List Bands You Do NOT Like." All well and good.
But, as you'll soon see, he went a little above and beyond the call of duty. Which is why, of course, we started this in the first place. Enjoy.
1. I don't like bands of military officers trained at The School of the Americas (Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation). They are involved and engaged in committing decades of human rights violations, torture, murder, indigenous massacres, indigenous displacement, corrupt, brutal, and puppeteered governments, and the destruction of REAL humanity (from the Atlacatl in El Salvador to the current regime in Honduras). These bands of military officers have been trained by United States and International Military personnel on United States soil (Fort Benning, Georgia) for over 60 years.
Get out your towels: R. Kelly is coming to town. The singer would be best known as "that guy who sang that song in the Michael Jordan/Bugs Bunny movie" if not for the allegations in 2002 that he engaged in sex with an underage girl. Kelly was found not guilty of child porn charges last year, but thanks to file-sharing sites and Dave Chappelle, he's now forever destined to be remembered as "that guy who [allegedly] pissed on a 14-year-old."
Kelly's "Ladies Make Some Noise!" tour, with special guest Pleasure P, comes to Reliant Arena this Friday. And while we at Rocks Off aren't sure what kind of sounds you're supposed to make when an R&B artist starts urinating on you, we are sure that none of these micturition-related melodies will be on Kelly's set list.
More's the pity.
Late Thursday, word came across the ticker that legendary comedian and TV star Soupy Sales had passed away at age 83. After a stint in the military and on radio, Sales went on to be one of the major pioneers of televised sketch and children's comedy.
In 1965, he pulled a stunt where he asked his young viewers to go into their parents' wallets and purses and send him those "funny green pieces of paper with pictures of U.S. Presidents" in exchange for a postcard from Puerto Rico. The stunt didn't gain him many fans with parents, but became a storied Sales bit that is still revered to this day.
Sales and his first wife Barbara were only married for 19 years, but they had two boys, Hunt and Tony. The Sales brothers became famous in their own right as noted musical associates (read: sidemen) of Iggy Pop, David Bowie and Todd Rundgren.
Hunt and Tony played drums and bass, respectively, on Pop's Lust For Life album, which contains not only the manic title track, but also "The Passenger." In the late '80s they formed Tin Machine with Bowie and guitarist Reeves Gabrels, releasing two moderately received albums and a live set together before Bowie and Gabrels moved into a more electronica milieu.
As part of our court-appointed public service, we at Rocks Off don't condone driving while intoxicated. But if you must get behind the wheel after having a few, there are far worse things to be driving than a La-Z-Boy. From Yahoo! news this morning:
"A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk. A criminal complaint says 62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson told police he left a bar in the northern Minnesota town of Proctor on his chair after drinking eight or nine beers.
"Prosecutors say Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, more than three times the legal limit, when he crashed into a parked vehicle in August 2008. He was not seriously injured.
"Police said the chair was powered by a converted lawnmower and had a stereo and cup holders."
Hold the phone...a stereo? Sounds like someone needs a list of the "Top Five Songs To Drive Your Furniture Drunk To"...
Weird Al Yankovic, the accordion-playing satirist who has made mockery of everything from the American diet to gangsta rap - as if he needs any introduction - turns 50 today. As Rocks Off's editor asked, "How can he be only 50?"
It's a good question, because if you're anything like us, Weird Al was a huge part of your cultural lexicon as a kid growing up in the '80s. From his early work, showcased on the Dr. Demento show - our dad used to force us to listen to Dr. Demento on Sunday nights on our hometown's classic rock station - to his series of songs making fun of Michael Jackson's work, there's something about Weird Al that just seems timeless.
After the jump, five videos from Rocks Off to say Happy Birthday Weird Al, and thanks for making our lives just a little sillier.
Houston loses another band after this weekend, as Pavementesque indie-shoegazers GTRS relocates to the more touring-friendly enviorns of Asheville, N.C., where they plan to open a recording studio. Sigh. We're sure they'll come back to visit, and on tour, so let's just say so long and not goodbye. Besides, you've got one more chance to see GTRS as Houstonians, Saturday night at Big Star Bar with A.P. Dugas & the Religion, Sew What and DJ No Fun.
In between packing their stuff, the members of GTRS were kind enough to divulge their favorite make-out songs as a parting gift. Smooches.
Download two songs from GTRS' upcoming split with Australia's Spider Vomit here.JD & Stacey
Joan of Arc, "Let's Wrestle: "'Cause Stacey and I used to make out to it all the time."
Spider Vomit, "Tail Points to Hell": "'Cause when you're making out, blood is the only smell."
Valient Thorr, "No Holds Barred": "'Cause all things go while making out."
Peaches, "Fuck the Pain Away": "'Cause that's what it's all about."
Anyone who's seen them knows that local "Stout Irish Rockers" Blaggards' front man Patrick Devlin's natural place is center stage. But even he has artists he wouldn't mind stepping back for, so we asked him to list us a few in advance of Blaggards' free concert at Discovery Green Thursday evening with Flying Fish Sailors.
10. Neil Diamond: "I wanna dress like the man."
9. Madonna: "Good way to learn her material."
8. Dropkick Murphys: "Burn the bagpipes."
7. Bruce Springsteen: "Be nice to shed a few pounds."
6. Monty Python: WOW, 'Sit On My Face' LIVE!!!!"
"For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times... before the Empire." - Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars
Sounds pretty impressive, doesn't it? Almost like there somebody had put together a detailed, well thought-out story arc and not, as it happens, a bunch of half-formed plotlines and misfires that would tarnish the legacy of the first two movies and make the name "George Lucas" synonymous with "directorial overindulgence."
Still, there's no denying the cultural impact of the Star Wars films, or the popularity of the Jedi, the ancient order of warriors charged with upholding galactic order but who still managed to collapse like the Chicago Cubs at the end of the Clone Wars (hell, you can even join the Jedi Order yourself). And Sunday's performance of Star Wars: The Concert at the Toyota Center provides us with the perfect excuse to examine the Jedi's influence on modern music.
If naming your band after a Star Wars character isn't enough nerd cachet, just try writing music referencing the film series or covering music from the canon of work surrounding it. Anyone SW fan worth his or her (mainly his, because dudes are more apt to be nerds) should be able to bang out an ode to stormtroopers or the Force. Yes, the Force is capitalized because it is a valid religion in some circles.
We tracked down a handful of songs encompassing all facets of the Star Wars experience, from the beauty of Princess Leia, to all manner of "Cantina Theme" worship. Hell, you can dial that up on YouTube and find untold dozens of variations of the song originally performed by the Max Rebo Band. Meco most famously recorded the main theme as a space disco romp in 1977 at the early height of Star Wars mania. Space disco is a genre which is big enough to rightfully have its very own Wiki entry.
On this date in 1967, some 50,000 protesters marched on the Pentagon with the intention of levitating it and exorcising any "evil spirits" within. The effort was led by Yippie leader Abbie Hoffman, poet Allen Ginberg, and Ed Sanders and satirically-minded rockers the Fugs. As we all know, the exorcism worked, the Vietnam War ended the next day, and peace and love have reigned supreme for over 30 years.
Ha ha, no. But Rocks Off isn't all about sarcasm and laughing at hippies, we're here to help, even if it is a few decades too late. So with that in mind, here are some tunes that might have helped Hoffman and company in getting that building off the ground.
Modest Mouse, "Float On"
We can't help but wonder if the hippies, grateful as they might be for the levitational assistance, wouldn't end behaving like most petulant MM fans anyway and accuse the band of selling out because they played in front of 50,000 people.
Arty Hill is a Baltimore, Md., honky-tonker who has been playing regularly in Austin the past couple of years. He also reads Lonesome Onry and Mean's blog religiously and has already penned a couple of new songs based on the goings-on in these pages. He recently contacted LOM about Mike Stinson's list of great honky-tonk drinking songs, noting that none of Stinson's featured women in the central roles.
Hill writes to LOM: "I really liked Mike's list of his favorite drinking songs. Then I started making mine, and quickly realized they were all about women. Drunk women. Ah well... I've sorta set up my own classification system."
The Big Bang"The Wild Side of Life" - written by Arlie Carter and William Warren, as recorded by Hank Thompson; "Dim Lights, Thick Smoke (and Loud Loud Music)" written by Max Fidler, Joe and Rose Lee Maphis, recorded by Joe and Rose Lee Maphis
"I always think of these tunes together. They're from the early '50s, when all songs about derelicts - let alone the female kind - still had shock value. And they're plain and simple, which is why they never sound dated. "You'd rather have a drink with the first guy you meet / And the only home you'll know is the club down the street." True yesterday, true today."
Jar Jar Binks, Pratfalling Mongoloid
Looking like some kind of unholy cross-breed between a frog and a duck, Jar Jar was the earliest indication that The Phantom Menace was not going to be up to snuff. The Gungan's antics were undoubtedly supposed to be whimsical and charming, but simply came off as a crude, slightly racist caricature of the mentally disabled. From fart jokes to stepping in shit, no other character showed how out of touch George Lucas had become in his off-time than Jar Jar.
Theme Song: El Chombo, "Chacarron Macarron"
Tuesday just happens to be the 59th birthday of Rocks Off's personal hero, role model and by all accounts someone who smokes even more weed than we do, Thomas Earl Petty. Speaking of, it's also Snoop Dogg's birthday, which means 10/20 deserves to be a NORML holiday even more than 4/20 does. But until that happens, here's our choice for the best Tom Petty songs either written by or credited to someone else.
Mudcrutch, "Orphan of the Storm" (Mudcrutch, 2008): Of course, this had to be first - it's about Houston, y'all, specifically a hard-luck woman forced to relocate here after a hurricane (Katrina, we're guessing). Petty's country ballad might well be just as poignant if it were set in Pittsburgh or Portland, but his portrayal of the Bayou City as a junkie's paradise with a "copper-colored sky" could have come straight out of Houston. It's Worth It.
"If this is a consular ship, where is the ambassador?": Aerosith
Since the release of the first Star Wars in 1977, through the subsequent sequels and disappointing prequels, pop culture has been awash in Force-related mania. People name their children Luke and Leia, family pets get monikers like Yoda and Anakin and folks even get SW tattoos. Almost every part of our daily lives can be colored with references to the film, from calling your boss Darth Vader or finding yourself sexually attracted to Leia in that gold bikini or, strangely, the bounty hunter Boba Fett. We think the latter is must be some sort of power/mystery thing for women.
This Sunday, Star Wars: The Concert hits Toyota Center, along with an accompanying exhibit featuring original props and artwork from all six films. During the show, attendees will hear the John Williams-penned score played by a live orchestra as a giant digital projector plays clips from the films in sequential order. Anthony Daniels, the actor who played and voiced the character of C-3PO, narrates the evening.
Our interview with him about the legacy of the trilogies and his own journey as the fictional gold protocol droid will appear on Thursday and Friday.
Last week, America was captivated by the saga of Falcon Heene, the six-year-old boy we were told was floating across Colorado in his father's experimental weather balloon. We were so riveted, in fact, that media outlets struggled to find airtime for other equally important stories, like Madonna getting sued and Beyonce canceling a show in Malaysia.
But all Rocks Off could think of, while we were watching that incredible flimsy foil contraption, that was supposedly keeping a 40-pound boy aloft, was: "If only that kid had some music for his voyage." After all, any trip is boring without tunes, so for any of you other wannabe balloon kids out there planning on trying this at home*, here are our suggestions.
*Don't try this at home.Nena, "99 Luftballons"
On second thought, it's probably for the best that he didn't listen to this. If word got out that someone of Japanese ancestry was flying around listening to German music, it might have started a panic among Colorado's WWII veterans.
Brendan Mullen, documentarian of the early L.A. punk scene, died this past Monday at the age of 60. From the basement of a porno theater to The Decline of Western Civilization, the Scottish-born implant helped chronicle early American West Coast punk both orally and through the written word, ending his life's work with a series of books on the scene.
Below, five videos in his memory. First, here's Mullen in the seminal documentary on L.A. Punk explaining in technical terms why punk is better than disco.
Chase Hamblin performs with Robert Ellis and the Small Sounds, 8 p.m. tonight at Walter's on Washington, 4215 Washington, 713-862-2513 or www.4215washington.com.Easybeats, "Friday on My Mind"
Anxious changes, solid backbeat and sweet harmonies, this is a killer track. Amazing Australian '60s hit written by George Young, who went on to produce his little brothers' band, AC/DC.
West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band, "The Smell of Incense"
I learned this song playing with Stephen Adams in the Dreambreakers, a deep '60s cover band. We use to have drummer Steve Candelari sing it. This is a very trippy, groovy number that captures the vibe of the West Coast late-'60s scene.
"At a certain point, the only thing you can compare it to is the Stones. I've done the Stones. This is bigger."
That's Jake Berry, Production Director for U2's 360 Tour, talking about the gargantuan "Claw" configuration stagehands were in the final, well, stages of completing at Reliant Stadium Tuesday afternoon at a media preview of the tour. This "Claw" is one of three custom-built for the biggest tour - in terms of size and attendance - in the biggest band in the whole wide world's whole career.
Paradoxically, the stage's size makes the cavernous Reliant Stadium - anyone who's been to a rodeo concert there, where you practically need binoculars to see the performers on the rotating stage, knows what we're talking about - seem a little more like Toyota Center. By going bigger than ever, U2 hope to achieve the intimacy with their live audiences the band is almost as famous for as Edge's signature guitar tones.
U2 is one of the biggest, most influential rock bands of all time. Their sound has changed over the years, yet remains unique. Thanks mostly to The Edge's signature guitar playing, they've invented entire chunks of pop-rock along the way, and you know what that means: they've been ripped off. But sometimes, that's okay. Rock and roll bands steal from one another all the time - some would argue U2 themselves have been guilty of this - and the results aren't always dreadful.
Here are some songs by bands who aren't U2 that nevertheless came out sounding like decent -or better - U2 songs. In case you're wondering why frequent U2 biters Coldplay didn't make the list, we think that should be obvious.
Remy Zero, "Save Me"Sounds Most Like: "Until the End of the World"
So there was a time, not long ago by geological reckoning, that I was a U2 fan. Growing up during the pre-Internet late 70s/early 80s in a town where the only place to buy music was a Camelot Music in the mall limited your options somewhat. Nevertheless, the Edge's loud, ringing guitar on songs like "I Will Follow" (from Boy) and "Two Hearts Beat As One" (War) sought me out, appealing to that part of my adolescent male brain that liked loud, ringing guitars, and the lyrics on songs like "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and "Like A Song" were political enough to make you feel edgy without requiring the commitment of going full-bore into punk.
I snapped up Boy and War at roughly the same time (it took longer to warm up to October), as U2 took up regular rotation duties alongside Queen and Rush. And there they stayed, occasionally making way for other bands but still getting regular spins until we parted ways around 1993. As a result, I have a lot of memories of Bono and the boys, some pleasant, some...not so much. Here are a few.
Honky-tonk man and recent Houston transplant Mike Stinson knows a thing or two about a bottle. Lonesome Onry and Mean asked him to list his all-time favorite drinking songs, many of which you will no doubt hear this evening at Under the Volcano.
"So many classic drinking songs, I could put together a box set in a hurry," Stinson says, "but here are a few of my faves."
1. Webb Pierce, "There Stands The Glass"
"The first song I sang at my very first show. So grateful that no tape exists of that performance, but my love for this song has never diminished. A few simple lines saying it
all. Makes life a little more tolerable."
2. Cindy Walker, "Bubbles In My Beer"
"One for the ages. I've heard versions by Bob Wills, George Jones and Willie Nelson and they're all home runs. "The dreams that I made now are empty, as empty as the bubbles in my beer." Yeah."
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