One Writer's Most Profound Musical Man-Crushes

Categories: Whatever

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Photo by Jim Bricker
Childish Gambino at House of Blues last month
The Man Crush. It's what made John Wayne an American icon. When The Duke was riding, it wasn't entirely acceptable for another man to admit an overwhelming fondness for him or his true grit. But, c'mon -- those movie theaters screening his films weren't exactly teeming with women.

Nowadays we men are much freer to acknowledge there's something we admire so deeply about, say, George Clooney. We just wanna hang with him, gabbing over whiskeys and staring deeply into that woman-slaying grin all afternoon.

Look, I'm an old, happily married, hetero male who is entirely comfortable admitting there's something about guys like Humphrey Bogart and Bruce Willis that I find extraordinarily appealing. No shame in my game. And women do this sort of thing all the time -- and have for a while now -- because they're typically not so insecure or foolish as to attach sexuality to every semblance of admiration for someone, male or female. It's nice to see us XYs catching up.


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Five Fictional Musicians We'd Like to See Onstage

Categories: TV Party, Whatever

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Yes, that's Dr. Gregory House on piano...and harmonica!
Ricky Gervais is a man on a mission. After seeing his own musical dreams go up in smoke back in the '80s, when the failure of his little-known New Wave group Seona Dancing thrust him towards comedy, Gervais wants to make the musical dreams of his fictional character David Brent (from the UK version of The Office) a reality.

That means playing rock shows with Brent's band Foregone Conclusion. No, that's not a joke. You can really go see Gervais in London playing David Brent fronting a rock band. That got me to thinking, though. While I'd rather hear Gervais tell jokes than sing, I came up with a few fictional musicians I'd actually like to see onstage.


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Only Google Knows Musicians' Darkest Secrets

Categories: Whatever

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Have you ever Googled something only to find that their autofill feature suggests some really strange stuff? This has been the source of Tumblr blogs and memes alike. It has also been the reason many a person has lost faith in humanity, seeing ridiculous questions on obvious subjects. Just type "why" in there for maximum hilarity.

I decided to check out what some of the suggestions were for some of the more popular musicians around. If you've ever read YouTube comments on their videos, you'd know that people can come up with the absolute dumbest ideas and questions about musicians, and thankfully Google didn't disappoint.


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Five Songs for Tonight's Bigfoot Visitor

Categories: Whatever

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Drafthouse.com
How could you not trust this face?
As we've previously reported, Rick Dyer is coming to Houston bearing what he claims is the corpse of the legendary Bigfoot. Dyer assures us that he shot the beast outside San Antonio and is avidly awaiting DNA confirmation from a university to verify his outrageous claims.

It's all chupacabra poop, of course, and a complete mockery of the legitimate search for mysterious creatures. What do you expect from a guy with a criminal record related to eBay fraud?

Still, the Alamo Drafthouse Mason Park has decided to host Dyer and his dead thing for "An Evening With Bigfoot" tonight at 7:30 p.m., and include a mystery screening of a Bigfoot film after the audience Q&A. Now, I used to host monthly screenings of classic Doctor Who at the Alamo, and would select the finest fan songs for inclusion in the preshow. Today I re-assume that mantle completely unasked and offer these five songs to get you in the mood to ogle a rotting ape costume we're pretending is Sasquatch.


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3 Things Made Almost Entirely Out of Beatles Lyrics

Categories: Whatever

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You can't overstate the impact The Beatles have had on the world of pop music. On the Rolling Stone list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time there are four Beatles records in the top ten alone. By nearly all measures they remain the greatest musical act of the 20th century. Anyone who says different sniffs their dirty socks when they take them off at night.

So it's not surprising that they influenced a ton of pop culture since they disbanded in 1970. What might be surprising is just how deep some homages to the Fab Four actually go. There are whole entertainment vehicles that are almost literally nothing but a collection of Beatles lyrics strung together in order to form another piece of art.

Such as...

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Top 10 Spoken-Word Pieces On Music Albums

Categories: Whatever

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You know what I love? Soliloquies! Nothing is more awesome to me than when an album pauses in all the music and has a track where someone suddenly takes the mike and starts talking. Done well, it can be a hell of a powerful piece, but I respect the courage of anyone who gives it a shot.

Some artists actually go onto be better spoken-word artists than musicians: Jello Biafra possibly, and Henry Rollins definitely. Storytelling never goes out of style, and that's why today we're going to show you some of the best songs without music.


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The 10 Best Kanye West Items on Etsy

Categories: Whatever

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gentlybent
I have a slight obsession with Kanye West because I simultaneously recognize that he is really a genius while at the same time acknowledge that's a Hollywood fathead who isn't nearly as genius as he thinks he is. The result is a strange figure that elicits devotion, obsession, mockery, and honest zeal among his fandom. Today we take to the 1s and 0s of Etsy to see what those fans have created in his honor.

10. "Monster" embroidery
Nothing says hip-hop like embroidery, and I mean that literally. See, it is actually saying something, in the above case a lovely circular cursive rendering of a line from West's "Monster" on a soft floral fabric. According to the creator, Gently Bent, the hand-stitched square can easily be cut down and sewn on your favorite jacket or bag. The sentiment has a kind of hidden brilliance, almost Serial Mom in a way.

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Morrissey Delighted With Parody Charlie Brown Tumblr, Apparently

Categories: Whatever

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This Charming Charlie
If you haven't had an opportunity to check out the Tumblr "This Charming Charlie" -- seriously, it should have been "You're a Charming Man, Charlie Brown! -- then do yourself a favor and head on over there to waste a couple of hours.

The site posts classic Peanuts comic strips, but with all the words replaced by Smiths lyrics. Considering the complete and unending angst of Charlie Brown, it actually works better than you'd ever believe. Each one is a study in a whole new kind of thought process on the terrors of childhood, not to mention a really good reminder of just how clever the Smiths were as lyricists.

Now, here's the deal about stuff like this, even when it's being given away to the masses free as a bird... there are people in the world dedicated to stopping everything possible in the name of copyright infringement in the blind hope that maybe one day in the future a piece of work will be licensed in a manner that justifies a lawyer's fee. Personally, I feel that we'll see Obama pull the Sword from the Stone and be declared Lord High King of England before that happens, but hey, it's a living, I suppose.

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Are Some Houston Music Venues Haunted?

Categories: Whatever

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Photo by Brittanie Shey
Rod Argent of the Zombies at Fitzgerald's, March 17, 2013
Halloween is right around the corner, and once again it's time to talk spooky stuff... for y'all, I mean. Here at the House With One F it's always time to talk spooky stuff, but today we want to look around the city to see which music venues might actually be haunted.

First, let's define haunted, and to that I must defer to Poe because Haunted is one of the greatest albums ever released. By haunted I mean a state of being filled with phenomena or sensory perceptions that cause a sensation of dread or unease. Sometimes this is attributed to ghosts, and sometimes we have no idea why certain places cause heebies and/or jeebies.

It shouldn't surprise anyone that Fitzgerald's has something of a haunted reputation. It's one of the state's oldest and most recognized stages, and the greats have trod its boards both on the way up and down. Before being the venerable rock setting it is today, Fitz served as a Polish dance hall dating all the way back to 1918. It's a much more labyrinthine building than you think it is, especially if you begin wandering backstage where the sagging wooden building begins to give off a definite surreal vibe as the doors and floors no longer match completely up.


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50 States of Song Part 5: South Dakota to Wyoming

Categories: Whatever

When I was in third grade I learned all 50 states in alphabetical order thanks to a catchy tune. Now I'm hoping to stick that bit of trivia in your head just in time for the new school year by celebrating each state with an appropriate song.

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SOUTH DAKOTA

Magic Man, "South Dakota"
Magic Man is part of this new wave of synth-poppy goodness that's been showing up here in Houston and a few other places you'd least expect. Ellie Goulding just asked them to do a remix, so they've clearly got the chops. The band tends towards place-name songs, and does a fair job of it. "South Dakota" is about a yearning for freedom, which comes across in every boop and beep.


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