Houston Music Blog

Yet another funny bit Rocks Off discovered via the time-wasting miracle that is Twitter, via the Boston Phoenix's blog - our new president impersonating a foul-mouthed old friend in the audiobook version of his autobiography. As far as Rocks Off can tell, it's legit - and freaking hilarious. Feel free to sample/remix to your heart's content. We're here to serve.

Complicated Shit

Ain't My Bitch

Ignorant MFs

Guy Ain't Shit

A friend who works for a Houston manufacturer whose product shall remain anonymous emailed this choice bit of hilarity this afternoon. Seems his company was having some trouble with the phones earlier this week - a lot of static whenever customers were being put on hold. So the IT administrator did what most of us would do and simply changed the radio station.

However, my friend thinks his IT guy must not listen to the radio much, because "later on that day, the customer-service folks were getting some inquiries from our customers as to what the hell we were listening to - it was the hardest-core gangsta-rap station in H-town."

He's not quite sure which specific station it was, but notes "there was enough mention of hos and booty to inspire inquiry."

"Needless to say, we are now tuned into Sunny." - Chris Gray

Band Aid: Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Most people I know hate Sunny 99.1, but not me. And I should really hate it. Any radio station supported by the American Dental Association has to suck. But every time I listen to it, I either hear something so corny and half-baked that I can't turn back to the Ipod. It's like pouring liquid Valium in my ears.

I don't have to worry about hearing the same Nirvana song I've heard for the past fourteen years, like on the Buzz. Nor do I get to hear every interchangeable young foxy blonde country girl singing about getting screwed over by a frat boy, like on every pop station in town. It's like a palette cleanser - aural ginger, like at a sushi bar.

Every year, Sunny starts playing non-stop, 24/7 Christmas tunes by the end of November. You can pretty much bet that by the time you hop in the car after Thanksgiving dinner that Perry Como will be riding shotgun with you up to the gas station for smokes until the after Christmas. I just spent an hour at my desk, listening to Sunny 99.1.

Here's what we got.

Thanks to Idolator, Rocks Off nearly had a stroke when he saw Mattel's new "Goth Punk Barbie," available exclusively at the Hard Rock Cafe's online Rock Shop for the not-so-low, low price of $70. Bitchin' lemon-yellow guitar sold separately, though this bad-girl Barbie does come with her own stand and, ahem, "Certificate of Authenticity."

Hard Rock already offers "Runway Barbie," with "retro, revival-inspired attire," which it might as well have just named "Beyonce Barbie." What's next? "Emo Barbie," with razor blades, extra eyeliner and mini-laptop for easy access to LiveJournal? "Boot Scootin' Barbie," with cowboy boots, denim jumper and Dolly Parton wig? "Bad Reputation Barbie," with studded leather jacket, Ramones T-shirt and Joan Jett-autographed Gibson SG? (HRC's "Barbie Pink," only $45, is already pretty close.)

Hopefully all of the above... - Chris Gray

 

  

Because her public appearances are stage-managed to the hilt, and otherwise she generally stays out of trouble (or out of sight altogether), Beyonce is of constant interest but limited use to gotcha!-media outlets like TMZ. "It's hard to imagine Beyonce scratching an itch without undergoing a little media training first," Blender senior editor Jonah Weiner writes in "Pop Dopplegangers," an interesting article Rocks Off ran across today on Slate.com.

Playing off Beyonce's decision to record half of her new double album I Am...Sasha Fierce as flamboyant stage princess "Sasha Fierce" and the other half as "herself," Weiner traces the history of alternate pop personalities through Ol' Dirty Bastard/Russell Jones, Eminem/Slim Shady/Marshall Mathers and David Bowie/Ziggy Stardust all the way back to 1950, when Hank Williams Sr. recorded several inspirational songs under the pseudonym Luke the Drifter. Seems he was afraid radio stations wouldn't cotton to the same man responsible for "Cold, Cold Heart" and "Your Cheatin' Heart" suddenly singing about coming to Jesus.

Beastie Boys, "So What'cha Want"

Today is one of those cosmological coincidences so uncanny it may be no coincidence at all: the Beastie Boys' Mike D and Cypress Hill's Sen Dog were both born this day in 1965. (Scorpios represent!) In the late '80s and early '90s, from opposite sides of the U.S., no two groups were more responsible for spreading hip-hop culture beyond its roots in black American inner-city neighborhoods and into suburban middle-class neighborhoods, marijuana-clouded college dorm rooms and el barrio, then onto MTV and Lollapalooza and beyond.

Cypress Hill, "Ain't Goin' Out Like That"

Both groups are nominally still around, though shadows of their former selves, so let's remember the good old days when every white kid in your high school would either get in your face yelling "whatcha, whatcha, whatcha want" or snuck out to the parking lot during lunch and came back muttering something about being "insane in the membrane." Better to just remember them as they were when the world was young and no one had heard of T-Pain yet. - Chris Gray

One of the John McCain campaign's many unsuccessful tactics during the just-concluded race for the White House was to try to drive a wedge between Barack Obama and the nation's Joe the Plumbers - well before the actual Joe the Plumber joined Campaign 2008's plentiful supporting cast - by accusing him of being a "celebrity" and palling around with Paris Hilton. But while Obama bumping fists with the likes of Ludacris and Jay-Z may be new to the political arena, America's chief executives have a long, distinguished history of rock-star behavior. Enjoy Rocks Off's little off-color history lesson.

Andrew Jackson: Besides being the only 19th-century president to inspire a 20th-century No. 1 hit (Johnny Horton's "Battle of New Orleans," 1959), Old Hickory was one tough old bastard. Especially sensitive to slights against his wife Rachel's honor, Jackson - an early mentor of Sam Houston - fought several duels defending her, carrying around a slug near his heart for the rest of his life from one such encounter.

Regularly coughing up blood is pretty rock and roll, and according to Chris Wallace's 2005 book Character: Profiles in Presidential Courage, Jackson's body was riddled with so many souvenirs from his various duels "he rattled like a bag of marbles." Furthermore, when Jackson and Rachel (who died two weeks after he was elected president in 1828) married in 1791, her divorce from her first husband wasn't finalized yet.

...Besides hung over from election-night parties, that is. Just saying. Rocks Off can't remember ever waking up and instinctively feeling everything - or a lot of things, anyway - has changed overnight. Seems like even the air is different today. Welcome to the 21st Century, America. Enjoy it while it lasts. - Chris Gray

Violent Femmes, “Country Death Song”: This tune sounds like the confessions of a degenerate hillbilly. It’s folksier than usual for the Violent Femmes, and singer Gordon Gano adds extra twang to the already countrified banjo riffs. Wails Gano, “I swear I lost my mind, I started makin’ plans to kill my own kind.” Our narrator pushes his daughter down a well and then, wrought with grief, hangs himself. This is what happens when there’s “nothin’ for a man to do but sit around and think.” Boredom kills.

Siouxsie and the Banshees, “Carcass”: The lyrics of “Carcass” are vague. Their general implication is that, somewhere “in cold storage,” a bloodthirsty man uses a cleaver to initiate “an impaled affair” of love. The killer, sings Siouxsie Sioux, is “in love with your stumps, in love with your bleeding, in love with the pain (the pain), that you once felt (now feel).” The perv is also a cook, transferring body parts “out of the frying pan, and into the fire.” Then Sioux reveals, “Mother had her son for tea.” Yummy.

All Hallows Eve is right around the corner, so Rocks Off asked Houston's Nick DiFonzo - album-cover connoisseur, proprietor of bizarrerecords.com and author of Seriously Bad Album Covers (available at Cactus Music and Antidote) - to pull some of his collection's most ghoulish examples. Click here for the slideshow. - Chris Gray

As Gomer Pyle used to say, well surprahs, surprahs, suprahs. Billboard and several other news outlets reported yesterday that Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones and Jason Bonham (son of John) will tour next summer as Led Zeppelin, which was pretty much guaranteed when last year's reunion at an Ahmet Ertegun tribute concert sold out in the blink of an eye and crashed the Web site of London's O2 Arena in the process.

The only catch is Robert Plant wants no part of it, leaving the other three Zeps in an awkward position. Or does it? Page doesn't seem too worried, telling BBC Radio the trio is "trying out a couple of singers." He doesn't name names, and the only person Billboard lists as rumored to be in the hunt is Alter Bridge's Miles Kennedy. That band, in case you've forgotten, is what happened to the other three guys from Creed after Scott Stapp went bye-bye.

Rocks Off polled his contributors for their picks for the new Plant, and wound up sparking a spirited email discussion. Personally, he'd go with Allison Krauss, just to stick it in Plant's craw a little more. Or Scott Stapp. Who else came up?

They let this kind of stuff on television back in the day? I mean, this was filmed in 1978. At this point, wasn't Alice Cooper still a degenerate cross-dressing rock star who put his wang in a donut? And it's on a children's show with puppets? I know the Muppets were progressive because Jim Henson was perpetually stoned out of his felt-covered gourd, but this is unsettling. - Craig Hlavaty

It's Halloween week, all week, and we're celebrating the Religious Right's least favorite holiday with a festive video each day. This is from a one-off French disco group from the '70s called Hot Blood. It's European, it's freaky and you're gonna be humming that chorus all damn day long. And I don't know about you guys, but that Dracula looks a little "special." Just saying... - Craig Hlavaty

"The Signifyin' Monkey," from 1975's Dolemite (note: NSFW)

Rudy Ray Moore, aka Dolemite, aka the Human Tornado, aka Petey Wheatstraw the Devil's Son-in-Law, has left the world as we know it. Friday, Moore, 81, passed away in an Akron, Ohio, nursing home from complications from diabetes.

The trailer to Dolemite (note: NSFW)

Moore's contributions to the world of entertainment seem endless. In the '70s, he tested the boundaries of censorship and pioneered hip-hop back with his rapping Dolemite the pimp character. The movie Dolemite, which he wrote, is a cult classic and a source of inspiration for almost every rapper to lay lyrics to tape since the '80s.

As you can well see from this photo (ain't they cute?) from last Saturday's Westheimer Block Party, where the boisterous local rap-rockers killed Avant Garden's outdoor stage. TFT vocalist Cornbredd, by the way, will be a contestant - repping the H, of course - on MTV's upcoming reality show 50 Cent: Da Money & Da Power. Episodes start November 6. Bring it home, Cornbredd! - Chris Gray

outofordercomix.blogspot.com

Do you like to talk about music? Sometimes when there's no one else around? Are you comfortable using the words "coruscating," "plangent," "seminal" and "self-indulgent," preferably all four, in a sentence? Do you like getting in to shows for free?

If so, there might be a place for you in between the sheets... sorry, I mean at the paper. (Been listening to entirely too much Let It Bleed lately.) Rocks Off is looking to expand our contributors pool for both the print edition and the Web site you're reading right now (and thanks, by the way). I'm especially looking for people well-versed in metal, experimental/noise and Latin music. If this might be you or someone you know, please send a couple of writing samples to chris.gray@houstonpress.com.

Nothing longer than 1,000 words, and no phone calls please. - Chris Gray

We all have one of those neighbors who likes to party and turns up their music a little bit too loud. Hell, Rocks Off has been that neighbor more than once. But you might want to think twice about giving the volume knob a little extra crank after this. The Houston Chronicle reports this afternoon that an Aldine woman is now in police custody, facing a murder charge after allegedly shooting her 25-year-old neighbor "at least twice" when the two got into a dispute over the now-dead woman's choice of volume level.

The two argued, the Chronicle reports, and the victim left but later came back and was promptly riddled with bullets for her troubles. The assailant, one Veyonka Pouncy, is being held in lieu of $50,000 bail.

Earplugs, people. Earplugs. - Chris Gray

Go on, I dare you. Rocks Off couldn't.

Young Jeezy's brief flirtation with John McCain on the set of Saturday Night Live aside, it's clear rappers favor Barack Obama by a wide margin in this election. (Check out this survey, for starters.) Though MC after MC has supported Obama with endorsement tracks, the big-ups at this point are likely doing more harm than good.

Witness the negative media reaction to Ludacris's Hillary/McCain/Bush-bashing "Politics as Usual," which caused the Obama campaign to distance itself from the overzealous rapper. Really, isn't there something to be said for keeping this particularly trigger-happy faction of the Democratic Party under wraps, much like the right does with their lock-and-load lunatics?

Those 50 Cent posters advocating John Kerry's election in 2004 certainly didn't work, and one suspects Scarface's endorsement this time around will only hurt matters. Perhaps it's advantageous that M-1 from Dead Prez is campaigning for Cynthia McKinney, although it seems strange for members of a group advocating assassination to give an endorsement at all.

In any case, after the jump we've selected a handful of rapper endorsements - along with some other remarkable Obama tributes - and graded them on a scale of one to five McCain heads. The more McCain mugs, the worse the damage to Obama's campaign. - Ben Westhoff

dead horse's Michael Haaga live at last year's Axiom reunion at Fitzgerald's
Photo by Tom Fool

Whenever we go out to cover a venue for Nightfly, usually our favorite part of the night is starting up conversations with strangers. Recently at the White Swan, one of the guys that we talked to was this middle-aged white guy in some khaki shorts (we think) and a sleeveless shirt. He had this really spastic look about him; sorta bouncing all over. He may have been high, or he may just have naturally creepy eyes. Who knows?

But after about five minutes of talking to him, he gave us a tip, saying that dead horse, the wildly popular, long-defunct local metal band who dubbed their hillbilly thrash “horsecore,” was getting together to do an unadvertised show somewhere in Pasadena. He asked us if we wanted to go; naturally we said yes.

This guy said he was going to find out exactly when the show was, and literally ran out the front door. We didn’t see him again for about 15 minutes. Then, during the intermission before Jim Jones Jamboree’s set, he came flying back in the front door.

www.bradelterman.com

Yesterday, one of Rocks Off's favorite rockers evar hit the big five-oh. For my money, they don't get any more rock and roll than Joan Jett - just ask her and she'll tell you how much she loves it. That song, a cover of a once-obscure B-side by '70s British group the Arrows, spent seven weeks at No. 1 in spring 1982 and was absolutely everywhere. It's one of the first songs my then-seven-year-old ears remember hearing on the radio, and in retrospect, probably has a lot to do with my chosen career. To this day, when it comes on the radio - which is about once a day if you listen to Jack FM - I turn it up as loud as it can go. Which is pretty loud.

Jett in 1976/ photo by Brad Elterman

Jett, born near Philadelphia and a member of infamous Kim Fowley-controlled girl-band the Runaways as a teenager, has a much deeper catalog than just "I Love Rock and Roll," of course. She also hit with "Bad Reputation," Tommy James & the Shondells cover "Crimson and Clover," "I Hate Myself for Loving You" - which my good friend Ashleigh Daniel's Austin band the Secret Weapons do a killer cover - and "Light of Day," the title track of the 1988 Jett/Michael J. Fox movie, a song no less than Bruce Springsteen wrote expressly for her.

Jett is a gifted cover artist herself, turning in memorable versions of the Replacements' "Androgynous" and The Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song "Love Is All Around," written by Texan and former Cricket Sonny Curtis. Her most recent album, 2006's Sinner, is as gritty and rock-fueled as anything she put out in the '80s.

Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, "Light of Day," live on True Colors 2008 at the Woodlands

I first saw Jett live in 1996 at Austin's tiny Electric Lounge, a period when riot grrrls like Babes in Toyland and Bikini Kill openly acknowledged her influence (and recorded with her), and she absolutely blew the doors off the stupid-packed railroad-trackside club. Jett, who last visited Houston on the True Colors tour last year with Cyndi Lauper, the B-52's and comedienne Wanda Sykes, also produced L.A. punk wastrels the Germs' first album, 1980's GI, and appeared on Broadway for three years in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. She runs her own label, Blackheart Records, whose roster inclues San Antonio trio Girl In a Coma, who play Fitzgerald's Saturday. Happy 50th, Joan! - Chris Gray

This morning, as Rocks Off was inching toward the Press on the Gulf Freeway, he caught an interesting shout-out to the paper on KRBE's The Roula and Ryan Show. They were giving away some passes to our Best of Houston launch party Thursday at Lucky's - where Roula will be on hand from 7-9 p.m. - and got to talking about the paper a little bit.

After praising our current Dwight D. Eisenhower/"You Bastard!" cover ("you gotta love the Press"), Ryan mentioned he also enjoys our music coverage: "Where else can you read a great music review and then see a bunch of ads for hookers on the next page?"

Actually, Ryan, we call them "escorts." But thanks for reading! - Chris Gray

Man, I am just heartbroken about this. - Chris Gray

Photos by Brett Koshkin

Paging Rev. Gibbons...

It's not entirely unwarranted - something about Wall Street being in free fall - but outside the Houston area, our recovery from Ike is rapidly receding from the headlines. Before it gets buried any further, Rocks Off would like to take this opportunity to point out he hasn't heard word one about any sort of relief concert for our millions of displaced and/or generally beleaguered friends and neighbors.

That ends here. Rocks Off would like to urge Live Nation, the Messina Group and anyone else with a stake in Houston's musical economy to pool their resources and booking muscle to put on the Ike relief benefit concert Houston deserves. Maybe each performer could do one Ike & Tina Turner song. What about an all-star blowout at Toyota Center co-headlined by George Strait (or Willie Nelson), ZZ Top and Beyonce? You know if this were New Orleans, people would be tripping over themselves to stage a show like this. Why should we be any different?

This goes double for the smaller rooms and local bands as well. How about an Ike & Tina/Dwight Yoakam/Isaac Hayes Hootenanny at the Mink? A Born Liars/Something Fierce/Bring Back the Guns/Fatal Flying Guilloteens/Spain Colored Orange/Indian Jewelry mega-benefit at Rudyard's or Walter's? Or a Los Skarnales/Jesse Dayton/Sideshow Tramps/Miss Leslie barn dance at the Continental? Certainly Rocks Off will help any way I can, and hopefully can convince the Press to kick in some sponsorship consideration as well. Let's work together, people, and get after it. - Chris Gray

"Thought you were going to see music this week? Think again, bitch!"

Well, Rocks Off hopes everyone weathered Ike as best they could. We suppose you'll read this eventually as soon as power/Internet is restored to your neck of the woods. And as you no doubt have heard, the Houston Police Department has imposed a 9 p.m. curfew on the city until (at least) Saturday, which means any musical plans you may have had this week are pretty much shot to hell. Thanks, Ike!

However, we also know many of you may not be working for a while, and several daytime drinking establishments are picking themselves up off the canvas as we speak and plan to be open - Rocks Off knows of Under the Volcano and Warren's for sure, and is trying to raise Rudyard's on the horn, though no answer yet. Please list more in the comments - as well as any daytime shows that may be happening - and check back here on the regular for updates.

Here's the first one: Austin doom-metal warlords the Sword have canceled, but Meridian will be opening tonight at 6 p.m. "You can leave before curfew," they note. - Chris Gray

Well...

Go ahead, you know the words...

Turn it up and dance around the room - like you've got something better to do...

I certainly hope so...