Seattle Knows How Great Music Is Made
Three years after it was originally dreamed up, the Seattle Music Commission convened for the first time on Monday, featuring representatives from such musical mainstays as Starbucks, Amazon and Microsoft. There are also several record label reps on the SMC, and even a musician! Okay, so it's one of the guys from Presidents of the United States of America, but at least they let someone who actually writes and performs music on board. We can't wait to see what creative, intriguing musical concepts come from this supergroup of corporate titans and label shills.
The SMC's purported mission is "to support, promote, expand and encourage Seattle's vibrant culture of music," and here are some rumored first steps they're taking on that road:
Flannel prices will be artificially boosted to create the illusion of relevance among the trendy and hopefully lead to an actual sales spike. No word on second-hand Doc Martens, but hope remains high.
- Albums will no longer be sold in the Single Play, Extended Play, or Long Play formats; they will instead be sold as Venti, Tall, or Grande.
- As a tribute to Seattle's trademark sound, all SMC meetings will start out really quiet, then get really loud, then get quiet again, then loud again, with intense feedback and distortion throughout.
- An annual music festival will be held to raise funds, 3% of which will go towards various Seattle Music Commission public projects designed to bolster musicianship within the community and aid starving artists. The remainder of the profits will go to the record label executives.
As can be expected, there have been a few growing pains. Regarding the initiative to build a 200-foot marble statue of Kurt Cobain at the city limits, a deadlock was experienced between those who wished to soften the troubled grunge messiah's image, and those who wished to retain the integrity of his downcast demeanor. This resulted in an admittedly dubious compromise: the statue will portray a smiling Cobain shooting heroin into an adorable tabby kitten.More »