10 Bands So Bad You Forgot About Them

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Photo by Sam Howzit via flickr
There are two kinds of reactions to a long-forgotten song. First, and most optimal, are the obscure bands whose music hits your iPod and brings on the euphoria of resurrected-music magic.

But then there are the ones that play over the loudspeaker in the dusty aisles of your local discount store as you shop for marked-down electronics, and that when you hear them cause immediate claustrophobia.

These are not the bands that give you the happy-happy joy-joy's when you hear them again. These bands cause total discount-electronics-aisle meltdown, and you'd probably forgotten about them until this blog. We're sorry.


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Five Artists (Other Than Trace Adkins) Who Should Fight Their Impersonators

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Leave it to a wily country artist to get into some serious shenanigans with his impersonator, while on a cruise dedicated to himself. The lyrics to the twangy, semi-obnoxious song nearly write themselves, don't they?

So, if you haven't heard, Trace Adkins, the country music crooner who brought you songs like "Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk" and "Brown Chicken Brown Cow," was headlining a cruise to Jamaica recently when, according to TMZ, he fell off the wagon after being sober for the past 12 years and got himself into a fight. Not terribly abnormal for a country singer to get into a bar brawl, we know.

Thing is, what makes this story ridiculous is that he got into a fight with a Trace Adkins impersonator who was singing some Trace Adkins karaoke at the time, and that...well, that is just seriously beyond epic.

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Real Riff Raff vs Impostor Riff Raff, a.k.a. JoDY HiGHROLLER

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Our fair city is getting an early holiday present, in the form of a thing called Riff Raff.

Riff Raff, a.k.a. Jody Highroller, will be gift-wrapping and delivering his syrupy, nonsensical rhymes at Warehouse Live this Sunday. We're excited, because Riff Raff's brand of nonsense is entertaining as hell; so are those cornrow-pigtails he's sporting as of late. He's kind of hilarious.

Even so, we have a bit of a quandary with Riff Raff's whole persona. We want to like the moniker, but we feel like we're cheating. You see, a long time ago, in a faraway place, there lived another Riff Raff, and he was freaking badass. For clarity's sake, we'll call this one Real Riff Raff. And we'll refer to rapper Riff Raff as Jody Highroller, because, well, we want to.


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The Rest of That Daft Punk Dance-Off Job Interview

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Job interviews are so boring. You spend the entire time answering questions about what animal you would be (and why), while sweating your ass off in a wool suit and trying to make sure your poorly chosen tattoos don't peek out of your sleeves. It's thisclose to water torture, and the only upside is that at the end of it, you may be offered a job processing TPS reports while answering to The Man. Nothing good can come of them.

Unless your job interview also consists of a Daft Punk dance-off. Then your humiliation goes viral, and the whole world gets to read about how you did some robotic dance moves in front of some stuffy Human Resources reps, and your street cred skyrockets.

That's exactly what happened to Alan Bacon recently when he went into a job interview for Currys Cardiff, an appliance store in Wales. Among the other awkward questions, the interviewers asked Bacon and his fellow applicants to show them a few of their best moves. As cool as that might seem from the outside, the little social experiment didn't go over quite as well. We'll let Bacon explain:


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10 More Movies Kanye West Should Star In

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It seems Kanye West has got a bit of a movie boner as of late. He's been promoting the hell out of Yeezus, his new album, by projecting videos on buildings across the nation.

He started out innocently enough, by attempting to project the music video for his Yeezus track "New Slaves" across understated landmarks like the Alamo and Houston's Rothko Chapel, but has moved on to bigger, better promotional videos.

REWIND:

Read My Lips: No "New Slaves" For Houston


Cue the tape, please.

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Red, White, and Rehab: Country Music's 10 Douchiest Moments

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Creative Commons
It might be hard to believe, but the same musicians responsible for singing lyrics about big green tractors and diggin' up bones are also responsible for a lot of my Internet entertainment.

You see, when famous people do douchey things, it makes me giggle. When those acts are committed by people that have also said something similar to the words, "Dropkick me Jesus through the goalposts of life," it makes me laugh so hard that I might pee my pants.

The folks below do both. Not only do they croon about goin' fishin' and lament about the day their huntin' dog ran away, but they do some of the dumbest shit known to man in the process. Hard to believe, I know.

Here's our list of country music's douchiest moments. You might want to take a potty break first.


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Hey There, Feuding Musicians: Let's Play the Twitter Quiet Game

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Hey there, Twitter-feuding musicians. It's time we take it old-school with a kindergarten version of the quiet game. Don't know the rules? Here's a crash course: Whoever shuts up the longest wins.

I know you love the media attention, and you've got a subpar album to promote, but there's nothing hard about fighting over social media. Think about it; you're using a little blue bird to deliver insults with the chirp of his "tweet," and it's causing your virtual girl panties to show.

Perhaps it's time to hike up your britches and play along with me, no?


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How to Survive the Harlem Shake Meme (Now with Air-Humpers)

Dear Internet Friends,

Please do not post one more damn video of you, your dog or your grandmother doing the Harlem Shake. You've spammed my Facebook with videos of you shaking your goods in a Power Ranger costume, holding some sort of very phallic pool noodle.

We shouldn't know each other that well.

I'm not saying it wasn't fun while it lasted, but this gyrating affair needs to come to an end before we're both bitter.

When you first busted in on my screen and offered me an escape from productivity at work, I'll admit that I bit. I was interested in the goods. Your carefree style offered me a brief reprieve from my cube, and I was tempted to jump in on your impromptu dance party.

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Last Night: Lumineers at Fitzgerald's

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Photos by Jason Wolter
Lumineers
Fitzgerald's
May 30, 2012

Denver-based Lumineers packed Fitzgerald's to the rafters Wednesday night, turning the upstairs stage into a 90-degree cauldron of sweat. I still don't understand why, although I think I understand why the band is named after smile-enhancing denture products.

One of the longest lines I've ever seen at Fitzgerald's -- and that includes shows for Stevie Ray Vaughan and Joe Ely -- stretched down the street halfway to Onion Creek. In fact, it was the longest line of freshly scrubbed twentysomethings I'd maybe ever seen outside Disney World. Women seemed to outnumber men, and it was one of the most homogeneous crowds I've encountered anywhere in the nation's most diverse city.

When I finally got in the building, it was near 10 p.m. and angst-y opener Gregory Alan Isakov was being thoroughly ignored by a talkative crowd. I thought maybe it was the cello -- but wait, the Lumineers have a cello.


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What Every Musician Needs: Better Shut Up Lines

We all hate the trope "Houston, we have a problem," but we do have a problem in Houston with talkative, inattentive crowds at live shows. Scanning back over reviews from the past two years, at least 20 percent of them mention crowd noise.

So what do the musicians think and, more importantly, what do they do? The last time we saw Steve Earle he pulled out Doc Watson's famous one-liner to silence a request screamer: "I remember my first beer, too, buddy." We've also seen Earle quiet two talkative ladies with the sarcastic, "Am I botherin' y'all?"

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