Houston Music Blog

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Oh lord. This could get ugly. Sorry, mom. When it comes to - ahem - unresolved issues in a relationship, almost nothing is better to help us commiserate, haterate and self-medicate than music. She Said sometimes likes to image what the soundtrack of her life would look like. The songs below would be played during the sappy scenes, where one lover meets another or leaves another.

As tempting as it is for us to hit below the belt (pun intended), we'd like to think of ourselves as a little more mature than that. But also, unlike George Strait, almost none of our exes live in Texas. Lucky for us, they probably aren't reading.

​One thing that struck He Said while we were making this list was the lack of metal and/or punk rock associated with the women in our past. It's kind of odd that someone so dirty and haggard never dated anyone with a Crass patch on her denim jacket or Misfits tramp stamp. By looking at us, you would think that He Said's past would be riddled with second-hand Suicide Girls and angry bakers like Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in Stranger Than Fiction, ladies who carry knives and break bottles over other peoples heads in bar fights.

Alas, He Said has had the extreme luck to have been in the company of women who are way better than us in most fields. They are all bad-ass chicks with college degrees and the patience of Job to deal with someone whose idea of a nice night out is $10 worth of Popeye's and a Nicolas Cage marathon on TBS.

That said, we apologize for a list that resembles some sort of unholy Top 40 abortion. He Said wouldn't have picked some of these songs if it were our call, but relationships are a team sport, at least in our experience. We're not a fan of a lot of these artists, but it doesn't matter; we're linked for life for better or worse. Besides, we aren't sure if we want to date someone who knows more about Lemmy then we do. If you are mentioned in this list and see us in public, go easy on the face.

​When He Said began researching the music that came out the year we were born, 1983, we were taken aback by how much of this music has warped, shaped and informed our life. Pretty much all of the albums and bands that were prevalent that year are still on our turntables and playlists. Why just this morning in the shower, we were rocking the first Metallica album while using just this darling facial cleanser we got from Avon. You wouldn't believe how well it invigorates your pores.

Anyway, the year we were born, most people would say the music world was steeped in Michael Jackson, New Edition and the Police. It's funny how popular culture chooses to gloss over the real metal and hardcore potatoes that existed in the '80s. Gaudy Nagel prints on T-shirts and neon headbands sell way better at the mall than leather gauntlets and jean vests, we suppose.

Yes, we are older than MTV. Shut up.

​The thing that struck She Said most when researching this list of songs that came out the year we were born (May 1980) was just how much of this music we regularly listen to now. 1980 marked the end of disco, the middle of New Wave and punk, and a damn good time for country music and mopey Brit-rockers. Reagan was about to become president, Communism would fall before we turned 10 years old, and most albums were still released with an A side and a B side. MTV did not even exist yet, something we can barely fathom. We are older than MTV.

Maybe it's because we just finished watching American Psycho, or maybe it's because we're approaching the last six months of our twenties, but She Said has been feeling a lot of '80s nostalgia lately. Below are ten videos from the year of our birth, 1980. Watch them while we go return these video tapes.

He Said was lucky to have spent twenty-five years on Earth with his Grandpa Hlavaty, who passed away in the summer of 2008 of a brain hemorrhage. The man was arguably one of the biggest musical influences in He Said's life. The intrepid and stealthy Grandpa Gonzalez is kicking the around the country somewhere on a sweet motorcycle or driving through the Midwest in his gigantic RV and his chihuahua with Grandma Ana watching a movie in the back.

Seeing that He Said is one-half Hispanic and Czech, he got a crazy mish-mash of accordions and classic country growing up visiting houses in Corpus Christi and the Hlavaty place in Pearland. Meaning that growing up, Hank Williams Sr. and Dwight Yoakam got plenty of spins next to the Nirvana and Devo at home with the parents. It explains way too much and not nearly enough.

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She Said has something she wants to admit. Here goes nothing. We... like... country music. No big deal, right? You wouldn't think so, unless you grew up in a town filled with racist rednecks who thought the glitz of '90s Nashville qualifies for the only music worth listenin' to. She Said rebelled by listening to bands like the Stones and Bikini Kill, cutting off all her hair, and begging her dad to buy her combat boots at the Army Surplus store, which she wore Angela Chase-style with flow-y dresses and moth-devoured cardigans.

So her aversion to country stemmed from a misunderstanding of the genre. Garth Brooks isn't country. Garth Brooks is a pop star. That she learned from our paternal grandfather, Pawpaw, who set her straight by turning her on to the singing cowboy tradition of her home state, Oklahoma. As she got older she learned her grandfather had been a bona fide Rockabilly - he had the loudest hot rod in town, and his two faded forearm tattoos were once harbingers of the boy you wouldn't want to bring home to Daddy.

A rash of recent musical deaths (Michael Jackson and DJ AM among others) have led us here at Rocks Off to do some speculating of our own: Which musicians do we feel were taken from us too soon?

Obvious answers like the Famous Js (John Lennon, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin) or the dual tragedies of Tupac and Biggie are givens, of course. And it's silly to sit around wishing that Buddy Holly or Bobby Darin were still alive, because even if they hadn't been taken from us via plane crashes or shittily-done open heart surgery they still wouldn't be alive today.

Which leaves us with the following ten artists, all of whom we feel would still be kicking ass and taking names if they were around.

1. Stevie Ray Vaughan: Isn't he number one on everyone's list? At least every good Texan's list, that is? Although we still have Jimmie (who clearly got the looks in the family, but not necessarily the talent), no one will ever come close to replicating Stevie's wild but warm Stratocaster stylings. Also: when are musicians going to learn to avoid helicopters at all costs?

Miss ya, Jim...

​The other day while Rocks Off was playing Beatles: Rock Band we were thinking about how we think Mark David Chapman shot the wrong dude. We're sorry but the world didn't need Wings, "Spies Like Us" and a shitty Super Bowl half-time show. We need John Lennon out in the public drunkenly mixing it up with paparazzi, banging Lily Allen during commercial breaks at an awards show, and recording albums with Jack White about his divorce from Yoko Ono. This world deserves better than Paul McCartney poncing around with that dopey smile of his, trying to overtake someone else's legacy.

This all got us to thinking about other rockers that went to soon, and how much we would have enjoyed a few more years with say, Kurt Cobain, than say Eddie Vedder. Yeah Cobain was whiny as hell, but Vedder has just never cut it for us. How awesome would it have been to see Keith Moon destroy the Toyota Center with just two sticks and that surly leer from behind the drum kit? Imagine sitting on the lawn at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion and watching Freddie Mercury belt "We Will Rock You" as it echoes all over the 'burbs. Yeah we see you, Adam Lambert and that guy from Bad Company. But those are some pretty large dainty shoes to fill.

​It always happens: you and your friends toss back a few beers and the talk turns to what celebrities and models you find attractive. At first it starts out innocent enough, arguing the merits of Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Marissa Miller or Paula Deen. Well that last name is actually just our own fantasy. We think it has something to do with the use of butter and the whole "mama" thing.

But somewhere along the line, someone says out loud, "Well, what guys do you think are good looking?" One of your less enlightened buddies will go apeshit and call everyone a "homo" and walk away to text his girlfriend while the rest of you sit back and wax nostalgic on Russell Crowe in Gladiator or Ewan McGregor in almost anything. They are called man-crushes, formerly unspeakable vices that were once verboten but now, in our more open society, can roam shirtless and free like Gerard Butler in 300. We know plenty dudes who are "Gay-tham for Jason Statham," for example.

The rock world is rife with man-crush-worthy guitar-slingers and front men. Some dudes are just born with something that magnetizes both sexes. It's not as fun as it sounds, believe us. It's not easy being born with such a deep and flowing, almost animalistic, attractiveness. We have a brain too (sob).

​When it comes to exercise, men and women don't have many different reasons for doing it. Mainly, both genders want to look better naked if perchance they find themselves without clothes on around a stranger they want to sleep with. Life expectancy, general health, and mental well-being are all secondary to looking hotter for your mate or potential slutty karaoke night hook-up.

That being said, most guys forgo the treadmill for free weights and the uneasy comaraderie between you and other dudes in the weight room. Because muscles make you look like some sort of superhero, even you are folding laundry and trying to pick out hot dogs at the grocery store. So when guys choose music for their workouts, it's mainly of the angry metallic variety, be it rock 'n roll or hip-hop. Personally as nerdy white boys, we stick to mostly metal or the random Wu-Tang Clan song.

It also helps your workout if the lyrical content traffics in revenge or spite, because it helps you build up the proper amount of hatred and loathing for an inanimate proportionally weighted object, or some person who deserves the same rage. It could be your asshole boss, some guy in tenth grade that stole your Discman, the bully who kicked sand in your face when you were at the beach with Veronica, or any number of women who purportedly spurned your advances in the past.

So put on your jockstrap, lace up your New Balance, and get to sweating. Wait, that just sounds like a Friday night to us. What we do in our garage is the business of us and our thousands of Web cam followers, not yours. And for only $19.95 a month of access it's a steal. You, on the other hand, should totally put on shorts or something.