Top 10 Butt-Rock Bands of All Time

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What is butt-rock, you ask? As usual, we've got all your answers, courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

A derogatory term for any hard-rock music.

The term comes from a nationwide advertising campaign on hard-rock radio stations in the 1990s that used the tagline "Rock. Nothing but Rock." Listeners quickly changed that to "Nothing Butt Rock." Though it refers to anything played on hard-rock stations, it commonly is used to refer to 'hair-bands' or used by people to distinguish the 'bad' butt rock from the hard rock that they like.

Example: "He sat around stoned all day listening to butt rock on the 'Wild Hare.'"

Butt-rock is that musical stank on your shoe that you can't get off. It's one part aggro noise, one part self-indulgent and whiny singer, and somehow a whole lot of douche.

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Music's Biggest Douchebags: 2013 Edition

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Photo by Marco Torres
King Douchebag himself, Kanye West.
Just like I told you last year, the musical landscape abounds with douchebags of all stripes. Normally their D-bag behavior is pretty amusing, but this year things took a turn for the completely messed-up. Music might have had more douchebags in 2013 than ever before.

It was tough sifting through the bad behavior that went on this year, but I once again forced myself to endure it to find the worst of the worst. So once again let's have a toast for the biggest douchebags of the year including our patron saint, who managed to once again engage in the douchebaginess he's come to embody.


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Urban Dictionary's Top 10 Musician Slang Terms

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Creative Commons
Fapulous

1. Orgasmic, amazing, awesome.
2. Really, really hot.

"Did you see that ass?"
'Yeah. It was Fapulous!"

"Urban Dictionary is flat-out fapulous."

And it's true. Urban Dictionary is fapulous, always available to help a blogger out with a never-ending supply user-submitted definitions that are filled to the brim with snarky, back-handed awesomeness. It is on the pages of Urban Dictionary that one can find a descriptor for every situation under the sun.


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The 5 Worst Disasters in Benefit Concert History

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Poster for the No Pain for Zain Benefit
Benefit concerts are great. The practice of bands playing to raise money for a cause can be as local as helping a fellow unsigned musician pay for their son's hospital bills to as international as world hunger. Though we may pinch our noses at the perceived sanctimoniousness of people like Bono and Bob Geldof, we have to admit that their hearts are in the right place. They're trying to help; it's just that their method involves getting a lot of personal attention.

The thing about charity concerts is that, well, they still involve regular people and the music industry. No matter what you do, the same leeches, incompetents, criminals and other peripheral folks that make being a rocker a trap-filled traitorfest are still going to be involved because you still have to find a venue, sell tickets, record and market the event, and whatnot.

That's where the process breaks down, and even musicians with the purest of intentions find their attempt to make the world a slightly better place has now been undeniably pissed in. More often than not, it doesn't actually wreck the endeavor, but if you're out there planning on tackling an issue with a concert, then maybe you should read about the pitfalls.


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Music's Biggest Douchebags: 2012 Edition

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The patron saint of musical douchebags.
The music world is bound to have a lot of douchebags. It's just an inevitability, considering that it's essentially a profession for man-children. Peter Pan syndrome? No problem in the music business. That's why you see so many rock stars going through growing pains sometime in their mid-forties. Remember Metallica: Some Kind of Monster?

Most musicians aren't very well-behaved, but some can control themselves a little bit better than others. The worst, though, can ruin their own lives and the lives of everyone around them, all while publicly making fools of themselves.

In the words of legendary douchebag Kanye West, this is a chance for us to give a toast to the douchebags of 2012 who made the jobs of music journalists way, way easier.


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Gen. Petraeus: A Possible Glimpse at the Spymaster's iPod

Nuge the Stooge knows what CIA director needed.

Enough already about Gen. David Petraeus and his private harem ... err, his embedded biographer with the flashy wardrobe and bad vision. Petraeus is a patriot, a winner of wars, a brilliant strategerizer, a man dedicated to little beyond his own career. Now is that so bad?

What we really want to know -- and it's the same thing we've wanted to know about Bill Clinton, Shrub Bush, Colin Powell and Ann Coulter -- is what's in the damned man's I-Pod. Through Internet surveillance techniques that we would rather not reveal unless subpoenaed and water-boarded, we have obtained a glimpse at the most-played items on the general's device.


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Where Have All Our Heroes Gone?: The Four Saddest Fallen Idols of Our Generation

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You could put anyone on this list here instead of Tricky Dick and it would probably seem appropriate in 2012.
When we're kids, we'll look anywhere for idols and role models. Most often, we look to pop culture and we find our heroes there by way of idolizing whoever's work we enjoy the most. We copy them in the worst ways. We adopt their style of dress, their opinions on music, their viewpoints on the world and humanity, even their politics (a sometimes dangerous form of political socialization).

Inevitably, we grow out of these things and develop our own sense of identity, but we never forget the great impact these minds once had upon our own. We look at these fellows with a certain reverence and nostalgia, connecting them by association with the glory days of our childhoods.

But oftentimes, we look back and we're left feeling betrayed, usually because we come to realize these idols we once loved were either never that great to begin with or have changed irrevocably into something we don't appreciate. We feel a sense of embarrassment and bewilderment at their actions in the present day and wonder how we could ever have come to worship them so when we were kids.

It goes without saying that this happens with musicians and sometimes, it happens really, really bad.


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WWF's Top 7 Classic "Foreign Heel" Theme Songs

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The WWF may have been the most patriotic American institution during the '80s and '90s; it turned Hulk Hogan into one of the biggest symbols of patriotism in recent memory. But there's a fine line between patriotism and nationalism, which the WWF straddled for years.

By using jingoist superstars like Hogan and Hacksaw Jim Duggan, American wrestling took stereotypes from different countries and turned them into tangible, unforgettable characters. These characters were real-life representations of how America perceived other countries... and most of those characters were played by Americans.

The "foreign heels," as they are referred to in wrestling, are villainous characters or the "bad guys" in wrestling plots. They can exhibit unlikable personality traits specific to their background or behave immorally, but the point of their existence is to antagonize the "face" (the crowd favorite).

We've found a few of the most cringe-worthy foreign heels of the WWF/WWE during the '80s and '90s. Rest assured that the foreign heels haven't been worn down in the past two decades, either.


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Don't Play It Again, Sam: More Terrible Remakes Of Great Songs (By The Original Artists)

Rocks Off covered Eric Clapton's "Layla" and several other awful updates in January.

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Sometimes an artist hits it big with one great song. Real big, real fast. Before they know it, they're the hot-button item, on the lips of the hip and influential across the world.

Of course, a sudden rise to fame is usually followed by a meteoric collapse, and if not that then a much more gradual but no less saddening decline. Just taking an example from this very list: Nobody in their right mind could say that Motley Crue was a one-hit wonder. Yet once grunge killed the hair-metal excess of the '80s, the Crue tried everything they could do recapture the heat they had in their heyday. Quite unsuccessfully, might I add.

Now, obviously they're still hugely successful and can pack a stadium full of nostalgic suburbanites, but do you even know if the Crue are still writing and recording new music? Do you care? I had to look it up, and it's kind of my job to know that shit. (Yeah, I know, Craiggers: you're eagerly awaiting Saints of Los Angeles Part 2. Yes, I'm sure the 2008 album is underrated. Just go with the premise here.)

So what do you do when the natural cycle of rise and decline has you yearning for the days of relevance? Why, you go back to the well, of course. You dig up a big hit, hopefully your biggest, and update it for a modern age. Hey, people loved it once, why wouldn't they love it again?

Here are several reasons why they wouldn't.


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How NOT to Raise Money to Make a Music Video

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williamhkennedy.com
Stanton LaVey
Friends and enemies, music videos are an enduring passion of ours, both filming them ourselves and reporting on the best that we come across year after year. We think the medium has only become better and better with technology being made easier and cheaper for the average independent artist to master as well as the range that YouTube gives for that work to spread globally.

Now, videos can be expensive, epic affairs such as the Cradle of Filth's "Lilith Immaculate," or they can be cheap and easy shoots like the 71s "Get Up and Dance." We judge the final product not on its flashiness, but on its originality and how well it fits the song. Still, we'll admit that the slicker works get more attention, and therefore understand the need to try and raise money for equipment, props, etc.

We encourage you not to follow the path set out by Stanton LaVey, grandson of the founder of the Church of Satan Anton LaVey, who was himself a pretty awesome musician. Stanton's plan is to hold his Facebook hostage for donations.

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