​This debate starts, as many debates do, with your humble narrator taking a poop. Our usual bathroom reading fair is Lovecraft, the Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, and our own Liisa Ladoucuer's Encyclopedia Gothica. No book is better for suited for a quick, random flip-through than her exhaustive list of all things goth related, and it was once such episode that led us to the entry for Liz Vicious. We'll let her explain;

VICIOUS, LIZ: An American porn actress of goth persuasion. If you're into that just Google her.

Far be it from us to not follow the instructions of a lady, so we did just that and found dozens of videos of the fairly goth young lady performing many naughty acts. Further searching netted a few other actresses that make up the small, but very hot genre of goth pornography, and it got us thinking.

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​Pretend you're a drug dealer, or if it's more appropriate pretend you're still a drug dealer. If our memory of the D.A.R.E program serves us well then the key to successful drug dealing in the acquisition of new clientele through free distribution of choice merchandise. Once they're hooked, then they belong to you.

Now for us, the drug is goth music, and lately we've been doing as much recruiting as possible. The best way to get more acts to visit town is to encourage fandom, so our overall goal is to make Houston a choicer environment to host bands we've always wanted to see. The thing is, if we knew how to sell things we wouldn't be doing this job.

So we put the question to the Gothic Council. What song or band serves as the best gateway drug into the world of goth? Is it specific to various sub-fandoms? Would you use the same tune to ensnare a punk as you would, say, a metalhead? That was the aim of our meeting.

Joining us this week is artist Darla Teagarden, Jvstin Whitney of the Church of Melkarth, DJs Regen Robinson and Martin Oldgoth, and living historian Morrighanne Burns.

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​It started out as a joke, you know? Chris Gray threw us a curve ball and said, "Taylor Swift is coming to town. Do something with that, you little eyeliner-wearing fangster." Well we did sit down and listen to the young country superstar, and to our surprise we discovered that somewhere in what we're sure is her gigantic mansion must be a closet full of corsets and stompy boots. You mark our words, before the definitive tome on Taylor Swift is written she will be known as a goth icon.

Tracking points across her timeline we've delved in her Birthday Massacre-esque lyrics, the tortured impassioned stage performance she unleashes in her song "Haunted," and her appearance in the only legitimate vampire entertainment outlet currently available, True Blood. Tellingly, that last example accompanied a scene where a waifish, pale country-girl vampire gives into her bloodlust and also her regular lust by having an energetic sex scene under the moon in the back of a pickup truck. Maybe we're reaching, here, but if we are look at how awesome what we're reaching for is (That would be hot Taylor Swift vampire sex).

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​Pretend you're a drug dealer, or if it's more appropriate pretend you're still a drug dealer. If our memory of the D.A.R.E program serves us well then the key to successful drug dealing in the acquisition of new clientele through free distribution of choice merchandise. Once they're hooked, then they belong to you.

Now for us, the drug is goth music, and lately we've been doing as much recruiting as possible. The best way to get more acts to visit town is to encourage fandom, so our overall goal is to make Houston a choicer environment to host bands we've always wanted to see. The thing is, if we knew how to sell things we wouldn't be doing this job.

So we put the question to the Gothic Council. What song or band serves as the best gateway drug into the world of goth? Is it specific to various sub-fandoms? Would you use the same tune to ensnare a punk as you would, say, a metalhead? That was the aim of our meeting.

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​Last week we asked the Council about their favorite goth lyrics, and the whole thing degenerated into a conversation about how awesome David Bowie's penis is. Since it came up so hard (Ha ha, we kill us), it seemed appropriate to debate whether or not Bowie can be declared goth or not.

While Bowie obviously predates the movement proper, his style and genius have always resonated with the spooky set, and many great artists steal shamelessly from him. However, is being an inspiration to the same thing as actually being what you inspire? That's what we aim to find out.

Joining us this week is fashion designer Batty, blogger at Night's Plutonian Shore Sarah Fanning, co-founder of the Age of Decay festival Alethea Carr, Toby Rider of Ending the Vicous Cycle, artist Darla Teagarden, dollmaker Ugly Shyla, and DJ Martin Oldgoth.

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​Really there are two kinds of music fans. Those who are there for the music as a whole and those who are there to hear the words. Make no mistake, we're not saying that one side is better than the other, but we are definitely in the latter category. Being a melodramatic lot, most goths are.

So we thought we'd pose to the Council the question of what lyrics had most moved them over the years. Joining us this week is fashion designer Batty, blogger at Night's Plutonian Shore Sarah Fanning, co-founder of the Age of Decay festival Alethea Carr, stylist Carol Simmons, Larry Rainwater of Ex-Voto and the Stage Frights, spooky dessertier Lynda Rouner, Regen Robinson of Space Radio, and Jvstin Whitney from Church of Melkarth.

Batty: "Sing While you may ( it may not be for long)" from the song "A Message to our Sponsor" off the Legendary Pink Dot's Asylum album has always been one of my favorite lyrics. It delivers the message to live your life to the best and the fullest, because life is short which has always been a driving force behind the things I do. I first heard it in around 1996 or so, when I discovered the Dots, and that lyrics has grabbed me ever since.

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​Every goth has a song that is a club staple that they simply cannot stand. We don't know if it's some type of gothic hipsteritis, or if we just all have that breaking point that a DJ insists on poking until it crumbles, but there it is.

Case in point, we cannot freakin' stand "Warm Leatherette" by the Normal. No, not even when Trent Reznor and Peter Murphy duet on it. That song is completely ridiculous, and the beat is undanceable. There's a line between tongue-in-cheek and I-can't write-lyrics and "Warm Leatherette" snorts that line. Every time someone insists on playing it we just want to take Morrissey's advice and hang the DJ.

Since most of our gothic club experiences revolve around Houston's Numbers, we figured we'd do a special, H-town only edition of the Gothic Council to see what other songs they dreaded to hear over the sound system. Joining us this week is Paul Fredric from Asmodeus X, fashion designer Batty, spooky dessertier Lynda Rouner, Spleen of the Stage Frights, DJ Nick Arcia, Jvstin Whitney of Church of Melkarth, model Scarlett St. Vitus, and Jason Hebert.

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​Well, Christmas is over, as is Festivus for the rest of us, and now 2012 is barreling down at us like Donkey Kong threw it. Some people say that this year will be humanity's last, but since we say that as often as we can we're not too worried about it. Personally, we think the Mayans were just too broken up about there being no more Harry Potter films to continue the calendar.

It's also time to make resolutions about how you will be a better, or a least prettier and more interesting person in the coming year. We're big on resolutions, and like to set the bar high. Escher said that only be attempting the impossible do we achieve the improbable, and who are we to argue with a man who adorns the walls of every college dorm in the world?

Our resolution this year is to bring some real gothic rap into the world. We want to go back to the roots of both genres and start cutting up samples of Sisters of Mercy, Cure, and Bauhaus songs in order to lay down a flow upon them. In all likelihood this will be half-assed and awful, but we're cool with that. Half-assed and awful has served us well.

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​"Dude, religious Christmas is pretty macabre. All kinds of scandal, sex with a ghost, strangers bringing mystical gifts, and everyone predicting this young couple's baby's death like its glorious wonderful thing. Oh and a decree to slaughter all male babies the next day... what could be more goth?"

-Kassi Gooch

Far be it to argue with Kassi. Some people say that depression rates go up during the holidays, and they're wrong. It's just that incidents of goth occur more frequently. So for your listening pleasure we've put together a special playlist so that Santa knows to drop off some boots and stuff with ankhs on it this year. A little black tape for a blue Christmas, if you catch our drift.

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​Gothtopia would like to firmly bitch-slap an old adage, that being the warning about judging a book by its cover. The lesson we are supposed to draw from that is that we should look deeper inside than just the surface in order to better appreciate the true character of whatever the subject is. That is indeed something you should try to do whenever time and the ability to put up with bullshit allows, but the idiom itself is redonkulous.

Of course you should judge a book by its cover, as well as DVDs, video games, and albums. Why on Earth would someone purposely package something in wrappings that have nothing to do with what's inside unless they're jerks who have mistaken jerkiness for irony? Case in point, the best cover ever is the poster for the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Hell, we'll be generous and give kudos for the poster for the remake as well. You can perfectly judge those movies by their covers.

Still, we'll admit that album covers can still sometimes be terribly obtuse when compared to the contents they adorn. After all, you are trying to convey an audio sensation visually, which can be a mistake. Leonard Cohen looks like your dad in most of his album pics, but he sings songs like a horny angel.

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