The Funniest Things Overheard at the 2014 Juggalo Gathering

Note: this past weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times risked life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio.

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Photos by Nate "Igor" Smith unless indicated
Another Gathering of the Juggalos has come and gone, and with it thousands of face-painted, fun-loving freaks and misfits to and from the event's first year in Thornville, Ohio.

While the move from the deep wilderness of Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, to this year's decidedly more inhabited location did make the experience seem less like being on another planet, there was still an overabundance of hilarious and strange things happening at all times.

Here are the best overheard quotations from the 2014 edition of the Gathering of the Juggalos.


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The 20 Best-Dressed Juggalos at the Gathering (NSFW)

Note: this past weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times risked life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio.

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All photos by Nate "Igor" Smith
Clearly, this man takes the top honors.
Juggalo fashion generally involves great big pants and T-shirts that were possibly purchased at truck stops. Hair is best when it is braided and aloft in the style of Coolio, and everything looks better coated in a thin layer of sticky-delicious Faygo, of course.

But some Juggalos go out of their way to trot out their hottest looks for the Gathering of the Juggalos, Here, then, are the 20 best-dressed juggalos at this year's big event.


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10 Reasons Juggalos Are Better Than You

Note: this past weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times risked life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio.

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Photos courtesy of Riverfront Times
Life sucks. There is a multitude of reasons why, and no one has come to terms with this inescapable truth better than Juggalos. Zen masters of nihilism and partying, they have become unquestionable experts at finding creative ways to cope with the unrelenting pain of reality.

Behind the fun-at-any-cost, consequences-be-damned attitude of these clown-painted fiends lies a cache of truly virtuous and respectable traits. You might be unable to comprehend that people who seem so strange might have something profound to teach you, so we've put together this list, outlining just what it is that makes Juggalos better than everyone else.


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A Heartwarming Wedding In Juggalo Country

Note: this weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times are risking life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio.

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Photos by Drew Ailes
Tiffany and Dip Set, juggalo bride and groom, exhange vows.
"Please, we ask you to hold your Faygo until the wedding begins," a woman with electric green braids instructs the crowd. Standing anxiously nearby is the groom, outfitted in a Jack Skellington top hat. His big day has arrived -- he is about to be wed to the love of his life, here at the Gathering of the Juggalos in Thornville, Ohio.

"I'm gonna try and fuck her in the butt tonight," he jokes.

As dedicated to their Juggalo family as they are to one another, Tiffany and Dip Set, bride and groom, are here to tie the marriage noose at the Gathering's Carousel Stage.


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An NSFW Trip to Juggalo Night Court, Which Is a Real Thing

Note: this weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times are risking life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio. This article was written by Daniel Hill.

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Photos by Nate "Igor" Smith
A young Juggalo faces the punishment for his crimes.
Those in the outside world tend to view the Gathering of the Juggalos as a lawless festival of debauchery, with apparently violent clowns -- "gang members," even, if you ask the U.S. government -- running rampant and chaos ruling the day.

In actuality, this notion is far from the truth. Juggalos in attendance not only consistently treat one another with respect, but even have an institutionalized arbiter of disputes for when conflict does arise.

Have an issue with a fellow Juggalo? Take them to Juggalo Night Court.


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10 Big Changes at the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos

Note: this weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times are risking life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio. This article was written by Daniel Hill and Drew Ailes.

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Photos by Nate "Igor" Smith
After a seven-year stint at Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, the Gathering of the Juggalos has moved this year to Legend Valley Campground in Thornville, Ohio.

Will its new home prove as accommodating as its last? Or will the residents of Thornville freak the hell out -- like the citizens of Kaiser, Missouri did when they learned last year that the Gathering was flirting with a move to their town?

After Day 1 of the Gathering in Thornville, it's probably a bit premature to answer either of those questions. But there are plenty of differences between last year's festival and this year. Below are ten initial observations we had as to how the move to Ohio may be better -- or worse.


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What the Cops Think of This Year's Gathering of the Juggalos

Note: this weekend our colleagues at St. Louis' Riverfront Times are risking life and limb to cover the 2014 Gathering of the Juggalos outside Thornville, Ohio. This article was written by Daniel Hill and Drew Ailes.

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Photos by Nate "Igor" Smith
Juggalos on Wednesday
What's different about this year's Gathering of the Juggalos? Well, the cops, for one thing.

During last year's coverage of the event, set in Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, we encountered minimal security. The gatekeepers and patrol staff, which were seemingly just exceptionally large Juggalos in "SECURITY" shirts, peered into backpacks to eliminate glass bottles and fireworks. Aside from that, they pretty much did nothing except hang out and then -- only after someone died of a drug overdose -- reactively shut down the Gathering's infamous drug bridge.

This year, however, we encountered a different scenario. While there remains a stock amount of bleary-eyed "security" volunteers to direct traffic (both vehicular and human), there were absolutely no searches. We just walked right through the front entrance, past a Deadhead-looking fellow with a beard, and straight into a clown-themed metropolis of chaos without nary a single question -- or even a glance. Predictably, glass bottles and fireworks abound.

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Why "Scene Festivals" Are Really Bad for Bands

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It's that season again. It's time for Houston to be inundated with touring metal, punk and hardcore festivals, from Warped Tour to the All-Stars Tour to the upcoming Summer Slaughter Tour. It's an opportunity for kids to see all their favorite bands from those scenes all crammed together on one massive bill.

I, however, have a bone to pick with these festivals. While the lineups can range from amazing to spotty, they all have one problem in common: their focus. Sure, it's great for some fans to see all their favorites in one place, but what of outsiders? I personally feel this could be a hindrance for the bands themselves, and here's why.


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Here's Where Houston Whatever Fest Came From

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Scheduled HWF performer Andrew WK already gives the new festival a big thumbs-up.
If you happened to head down to Lucky's Pub during the height of this year's World Cup action, you probably noticed the district around BBVA Compass Stadium, the several apartment blocks in the area and Warehouse Live has become one of those thriving urban pockets that so-called "livable city" advocates always talk about. Turns out it's even got its own nickname, the "EaDo Party Park."

Wednesday afternoon word started circulating on social media of a new music festival in this Party Park, which longtime Warehouse Live talent buyer Jason Price confirmed to us Thursday morning. Dubbed "Houston Whatever Fest," the two-day indoor/outdoor event is scheduled for August 9 and 10 at a most reasonably price: $55 for a two-day pass.

The HWF lineup currently features some some thirtysomething performers, predominantly hard rock, punk, indie and electronica, with outliers like female rapper Kreayshawn, New Orleans funkateers the Rebirth Brass Band and a reunion of popular Houston DJ crew the Boys and Girls Club. But plans also call for HWF to put almost as many comedy acts onstage, making it a kissin' cousin to Austin's popular Fun Fun Fun Fest.


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Whatever: Houston's Getting Another Music Fest Next Month

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Is Houston ready to sweat out two more days of music barely two months after Free Press Summer Fest, only this time with a little more laughter?

We may be about to find out. Wednesday afternoon, a new festival calling itself Houston Whatever Fest popped up online and on social media, promising music and comedy (and more) on August 9 and 10 somewhere called EaDo Party Park. Not sure if that's a thing, but the Facebook event page lists the same address as Warehouse Live.


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