Photo by Kendra Berglund

Holy Fiction

For years now I have made a personal study of delving into the murky and sometimes macabre monikers our local bands have chosen. Now we shall have them compete for our pleasure.

Here are the ten best band names in the city.

10. Holy Fiction
Evan Lecker's spiraling, philosophical explanation behind the meaning of Holy Fiction is simply too much trouble to repeat. The gist of it is that holy fictions are basically stories cultures make up to illustrate the basic framework of their moral code and society. It's just the sort of sardonic, mocking thing Lecker does best.

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Photo by Amanda J. Cain

A Stereo Live crowd enjoys Zomboy last month

10. CLUB TROPICANA
If the word alone makes you thirsty, you can quench that parched palate at Tropicana every weekend. Now's your chance to try out those dance moves you learned in Zumba class, or coax your quiet friend into shaking her "bum bum." Tropicana is known for its great Latin music, and Saturday's the day to go if you want to hear it. Plus, there's a live band that plays pretty great salsa, too.
3222 Fondren, 713-977-4188, clubtropicanahouston.com

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5. TOYOTA CENTER
Aeros, Rockets and concerts. Oh my! Houston's Toyota Center is built to impress and hosts big-time, all-star performances, ranging from Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga to Metallica and Tool. When it isn't a sporting event, the venue's playing surfaces are removed, giving way to an extra 700 seats.

Toyota Center has a total seating capacity of 19,000, which is the venue's main appeal. The sound is solid enough not to complain, though you wouldn't want to see an orchestra perform here. (Few do.) Seating sells at a premium, and if you're ballin' on a budget, be careful not to get a corner that's heavy on echoes. Show up early and snag a spot on the street to save some cash. But there's also plenty of paid parking on-site, if you're running late to a show.

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5. LOLA'S DEPOT
Is it possible for a place to look run-down -- in a good way? Some who wax nostalgic about Lola's wasteland pre-eminence as the place to score drugs in the '80s now joke of it as a "neighborhood bar," offering such high-class amenities as ATM machines.

Remnants of the old Lola's exist, though. This includes the bathrooms, which should only be used for their original purpose if absolutely necessary. Cheap drinks and chill pool games make up for the lack of sanitation, as does the laid-back crowd. For punk purists, this dirty and dark dive is the perfect pick.

2327 Grant, 713-528-8342, Facebook page

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5. WITCHCRAFT TAVERN
Formerly Dragon Bowl (and still under the same management), the brand-new Witchcraft Tavern has quite the selection of beer, and if you're feeling adventurous, try the Devil's Backbone. You might want to give your keys to a friend first.

To be completely honest, we do miss the Chinese food, but having another quaint, unassuming dive with great beer selection in the Heights seems like a fair trade. The new menu has a few bites, sandwiches and burgers for patrons to nibble on, and more food items are being added. In the meantime, try the flatbread. See Eating Our Words' recent look at Witchcraft as well.

1221 W. 11th, 832-649-3601, Facebook page

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5. RED CAT JAZZ CAFE
Admittedly, Red Cat has its hits and misses, but for a jazz neophyte looking to make his or her debut into the world of Fitzgerald and Armstrong, this "cafe" is a good place to start. Its relatively new Franklin Street address places Red Cat at the very beginning of downtown, and the seductively curled red cat sign directs scat enthusiasts right to its front door, meaning you can't miss it.

Once inside, you'll find that Red Cat is open to more than just jazz. Nearly all musical genres are put into the daily rotation, some of them derivatives of the improvisational music. There's Reggae Fuse Tuesdays, Rewind Wednesdays (with a live R&B band), Zydeco Thursdays and an upcoming Mardi Gras-themed celebration of the new year. It's like music appreciation class, only a lot more fun.

711 Franklin, 713-226-7870, www.redcatjazzcafe.com

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5. NUMBERS
Numbers fell off. Numbers ain't what it used to be. No one goes there anymore. Blah, blah, blah. Sure, the venue may be a far cry from what it was during its heyday, when the likes of Iggy Pop and Henry Rollins were stomping through town and nearly tearing its walls down.

But Houston, as a whole, looks a lot different than it did back then, and Numbers still has some charm to it. These days, Numbers is much more of a dive with cheap drinks, a relaxed atmosphere, decent tunes and an assorted audience ranging from people wearing skinny jeans and lens-less glasses to black boots over black leather pants and black T-shirts covered in chains and piercings. Oh, and there are lasers, and always Wes Wallace's "Classic Numbers" Friday nights.

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5. CONTEMPORARY ARTS MUSEUM HOUSTON

The chasm dividing Houston music and Houston art is shrinking; more and more arts venues are teaming up with local musicians and/or DJs to add rhythm to their gallery opening nights. The CAMH, adjacent to the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston (MFAH), is a perfect example. Besides showing contemporary alternatives to that of the mostly historical offerings of its elder sibling, the CAMH has been known to boogie down some nights; on special occasions, they invite DJs to spin inside its walls.

The CAMH even hosts music-themed exhibitions. Take, for example, Friday's anticipated performance by Jamal Cyrus in a series entitled TexasFried Tenor. His performance is part of a larger series entitled Learning to Work the Saxophone, proving that music and modernism can be bedfellows.

5216 Montrose Blvd., 713-284-8250, www.camh.org

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10. NOTSUOH/DEAN'S ON MAIN

Parking in downtown often comes at a premium, but notsuoH and Dean's -- located at 314 Main and 316 Main, respectively -- make the hunt worthwhile. Weekly poetry open-mikes every Wednesday night offer fledgling writers an opportunity to share their feelings onstage, while and lounge piano music is performed every Thursday until 8 p.m.

Both rooms will book just about anyone, so the lineup is hit or miss, but the catchy, raw indie-rockers Darwin's Finches love the place, as do more experimental-minded artists such as laptop genius FLCON FCKER. Don't be confused by the neon sign reading "CLARK'S" above notsuoH, though. They just keep that around for historical purposes, since this hole in the wall used to be a jewelry store in the 1930s.

314/316 Main, notsuoh.com; facebook.com/deansonmain

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10. MO'S PLACE

UPDATED: Mo's in Katy is not to be confused with Mo's the Galleria-area steakhouse. Rocks Off regrets the error.

Mo's advertises itself as a "Place for Steaks," and its location is way out in Katy, but that doesn't make it any less deserving of a place on this list. Boy, are those steaks juicy, and the sociable crowd every night only adds to the delicious experience.

Visitors to Mo's Place can enjoy karaoke Mondays through Wednesdays, with live music performances the rest of the week. However, this establishment does enforce a strict dress code policy of no tank tops, bandannas or backwards baseball caps, so to be on the safe side, leave your casual wear at home. 21940 Kingsland Blvd., Katy, 281-392-3499, www.mosplacekaty.com

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