Kinda like this but not at all.

​If you want to be a real rock star, you can go ahead and forget about those Red Bull and vodkas you're so fond of. Legit rockers are fueled by bigger, harder and flat-out weirder doses of alcohol than the mere mortals hitting on the bartender at your local watering hole. Sure, a few of our musical heroes will gladly down any bottle that happens to be within reach.

Some rock stars, however, prefer to refine and perfect their booze intake, settling on a signature cocktail that suits their outsized personalities and consequence-free lifestyles. Rocks Off salutes these excessive musical titans with the following examination of rock and roll's greatest drinkers -- and the drinks they made famous.

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Lose the cigarette, for crying out loud. Super Bowl halftime shows are supposed to be tasteful.

​Long rumored, now confirmed, Madonna will be the featured halftime performer at Super Bowl XLVI:

She's also only the second major female artist (besides Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas) to grace the Super Bowl halftime stage in eight years. And Madonna is somewhat of a risque choice, as she's been known to drum up controversy of her own. Her 1989 "Like a Prayer" music video, with its burning crosses, drew received criticism from Catholics. She also stirred up debate in 2006 when she staged a crucifixion during her Confessions tour.

On one hand, the 53-year old Madonna fits squarely in with the recent (since Nipplegate) tradition of sticking with older musical acts. On the other...well, burning crosses and Catholic imagery are really the least of what the singer of "Justify My Love" has been infamous for in the past.

There's a sizable portion of Rocks Off's brain that would be more than happy to see the Madonna of old make an appearance in Indianapolis in February, but the former Material Girl is at somethings of a crossroads. Her new movie W.E. (which she wrote and directed) opens next year, and there are rumors of a new single. After a long period of relative obscurity, the Super Bowl might be just the opportunity Madonna needs to launch herself back into popularity.

Just don't screw it up by doing any of the following.

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​This week, we found out that a sex tape featuring Tupac Shakur exists, made in 1991 just five years before his fatal shooting in Las Vegas. Shakur's estate is the only entity that can release an item with the late rapper's likeness involved, and his mother Afeni Shakur is unlikely to allow a video of her dead son receiving oral sex from a female party guest to hit the market.

It's fitting, though, that even 15 years after his death we are hearing about a Shakur sex tape, considering the glut of music that his estate continued to release. From 1997 until 2006, you could expect a new Shakur album at least every holiday season.

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It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off we're trying to find meaning in the oddest monikers.

​Warning: Everything in this article is terrifying, and none of the links are remotely safe for work.

For over 20 years Black Leather Jesus has been there, watching, waiting, playing in small, poorly-lit rooms. Founded by Richard Ramirez, everything they do is harsh, chaotic, and completely unlistenable to the sane mind. Is experimental really the right word to describe an act where no knowledge can be obtained, and instead you risk actually having some part of you deleted? Maybe. We guess it depends on your goals.

Ramirez, like Clive Barker, was inspired by the gay S&M scene to create something that will haunt the hallowed halls of your soul. How best to describe the Black Leather Jesus's music... Well...

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Over the next year Houstonians will get three chances to see Lady Gaga in the flesh, with two shows next month at Toyota Center and another one in spring at the same venue. We are pretty sure all three have now sold out, so if any of you little monsters haven't got an in on some tickets you may be out of luck.

Sure it's one thing to see Lady Gaga live in concert, but it's another to...have sexual relations with a doll that is supposed to look like her? You know you have arrived in the pop culture arena when a sex toy company is making dolls in your likeness.

Check out the (NSFW) front of the box behind the cut.

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On the heels of the news that Hell City Kings is in the process of filming their first music video comes word that indie-grungers Muhammadali are planning their own shoot February 6 at the Free Press Houston warehouses. Veteran director Mark Armes and graphic artist Shelby Hohl are said to be on board the project as well.

The clip will be for the band's new gestating song "We Don't Like It," which we first got a listen of when it was still a demo back over last summer. The song will be a part of the band's upcoming full-length now being recorded at Dead City Sound. A statement on Facebook from Funwunce, the group behind the project, stated:

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It's about to get all new age up in this piece! Stay tuned for our review of last night's show...

Photo By Craig Hlavaty

Last weekend's Stingaree Music Festival was proof that Bolivar is back from the brink.

Need further proof? Check out these video of two Vidorian lovebirds dirty dancing in the beer-scented sea breeze...

Now that's what we like to see down on Crystal Beach: wife-beater shirts, skin-tight jorts and rolls of sinuous back-fat gyrating to the beat.

(Hat-tip to The Bayou and videographer of Vidorian amour "Laurie").

Indeed...

Bryan Adams has an almost sadistic talent for creating pop masterpieces that, like them or not, get stuck in your brain like a government-implanted homing device.

Since venturing south out of Canada in 1980, the man has been leaving his indelible stamp on pop music at large. "Summer Of '69" is quite possibly his most popular and beloved song, chronicling his love of the torrid sexual position. Yes, it's true. Adams came out in an online interview in 2008 to say that the song title had nothing to do with the "Summer Of Love" and carousing with buddies, but people touching each others genitals with their mouths, namely him and his high school girlfriend.

Adams also has the distinct honor, along with Richard Marx, as being one of the go-to artist's for wedding songs. We wish we had a nickel for ever ceremony where his "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?" or "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" were played.

Lately the man has been dabbling in photography, no doubt a clever ruse for the diminutive Canadian to take pictures of naked chicks with impunity. Adams hits town tonight for an acoustic set at the Cullen Theater. Adams has been trotting this intimate show around the country for about the past year, offering up stripped-down renditions of his hits and offering up wry commentary on each.And maybe even more startling profane explanations for some.

Hello and welcome back to Radar Eyes. I've been away for the last three weeks...

Our Focus = Underground/ Unreleased/ Underexposed/ Misunderstood/ Unappreciated/ Etc., etc.

I am Chemical Mange.

R.I.P. Sandor Benczedi.

Rosa Guerrero

Welcome Beau Beasley of Homopolice, Heavy Leather Records, etc.

Radar Eyes: You are a Houston music institution and an ultra fan of Leather Ways... State your name and purpose!

Beau Beasley: My name is Beau Beasley. I am fan of leather and terrible music. The only purpose I have is to waste my hard-earned money on music that I enjoy and expect to lose money on it.

RE: So you're the man "behind" the recent onslaught of Homopolice media?

BB: Yes, and all other homosexual punk activities in this town. That's me.

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