The Five Most Repellent Things Ted Nugent Has Ever Done
Photo by Jim Bricker The Nuge at House of Blues, 2013
And hey, that's great -- at least it was, 40 years ago. "Stranglehold" is great, sure, but "Cat Scratch Fever" was pretty stupid from the get-go, and if he's had a hit since that one, it hasn't cracked the rotation over at 107.5 The Eagle yet.
Then again, who cares? Over the last decade or so, old Ted has become far better known for the outrageous noises coming out of his mouth than for the slightly louder outrageous sounds blasting out of his amplifiers. The transplanted Texan has made his views on Democrats, immigrants, minorities and the 2nd Amendment painfully clear many times over, to the point that his right-wing blowhard act is getting as tired as his music. He's become so predictable that it's getting hard to work up much distaste for his antics, let alone outrage.
And frankly, that's no fun. That's why we here at Rocks Off have done the Nuge a solid and pulled an age-old music biz trick to out of the hat to revive a little interest -- the greatest hits package! In order to work yourself up into the proper hysterical mindset to love/loathe Nugent's show tonight, please peruse five of the most hilariously repellent and curiously hypocritical choices that Ted has made over the years. Why? Well, because that's virtually all of the entertainment we can wring out of the guy these days -- watching and waiting to see when he'll stoop to a new low.
Get your tickets now, folks: tonight could be the night!
5. The Nuge Runs Afoul of Homeland Security
At an NRA meeting in St. Louis in 2012, Nugent was doing his usual shtick, advocating guns for all and a Democrat-free government. Surrounded by his closest allies in the fight against non-Nugentness, Ted reached deep into his sack of hyperbole and pulled out an apparently solemn vow that he intended to inspire his fellow heat-packers to get Obama out of office: Via the voting booth, preferably, but by any means necessary.
"If Barack Obama becomes the next president in November, again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year," Nugent said, sounding tougher than a two-dollar steak.
It was probably the nicest thing the Nuge said about the president all week. This time, though, the violent connotations of his statement were enough to get the Secret Service interested in just how seriously Ted takes this stuff. The Homeland Security agency took time out of its busy schedule to meet with Nugent and gently remind him that while political criticism is protected speech, threatening the president with violence is highly illegal.
Shockingly, Nugent did not make good on his totally credible promise to take up arms and fight on until death or prison upon Obama's reelection. Then again, as the Secret Service concluded, his words are pretty meaningless.
4. Ted's Inhuman Remarks
It's no secret that Ted Nugent enjoys hobnobbing with politicians, or that politicians enjoy hobnobbing with virtually any celebrity who can draw a crowd. That's why Texas candidate for governor Greg Abbott decided having Ted around on the primary season campaign trail would be a barrel full of laughs for all involved. Abbott found out the hard way, however, that Nugent's talent for publicity can be something of a double-edged sword.
In an interview with Guns.com (duh!), Teddy Bear referred to a politician of mixed-race heritage as a "subhuman mongrel." Naturally, that politician was the President. Now, if you're thinking that "subhuman mongrel" sounds like the kind of racist bullshit that the KKK would have to say about Barack, you'd be dead wrong. Even the Klan realizes that people might find that sort of language off-putting in 2014. You'd have to go back at least to the violent, vigilante Klan of the 1960s to the term "subhuman mongrel" used in public.
Now might be a cool time to mention that in 1990, Ted told the Detroit Free Press that South African apartheid "isn't that cut-and-dry. All men are not created equal."
In deference to Abbott's campaign, Nugent eventually apologized for the mongrel remark, which he claimed (straight face and everything!) had nothing to do with the President's race. He did not back off the suggestion, obviously, that perhaps Obama should suck on his machine gun.
3. The Shit Hits the Pants
Ted Nugent likes the U.S. military. As is well-known, he likes guns a lot, and judging by his USO tours, he likes soldiers, too (even some of the brownish ones, probably). So it's no surprise that ol' Ted passionately advocates for their usage in violently exterminating all of America's enemies, real and imagined, the world over. He just ain't about to join them, even if he has to piss and shit in his pants for a fucking week to get out of it.
Nah, seriously. In 1977, the Nuge told High Times that he shat his pants on the daily in order to fail his physical and dodge the draft during the Vietnam War. And to hear him tell it, it was pretty ugly:
Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer -- stuff I never touched-- buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I'd drink the syrup. I was this side of death. Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. Poop, piss, the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.
Hey, it wasn't like Ted was the only guy who got creative in order to stay out of Vietnam. We won't judge him too harshly for that. And Reagan knows, he could just be lying about the whole thing! But given the hypocritical light this little incident casts on his super-patriot warhawk persona, his pants may as well be full of shit today.
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