If Bands Sponsored NFL Teams: The NFC
Recently we wrote about the ramifications of KISS and Vince Neil buying their own Arena Football League teams and what it would be like if NFL teams were also themed around bands and musicians. We started by running down the AFC, including our hometown Houston Texans.
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This time we're going to examine the NFC and see what teams fit with what bands in that conference.
Philadelphia Eagles: Charlie, Mac, and Dennis
Can fictional characters represent a team? Well, the Gang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia are Philly natives, obviously, and they wrote the perfect theme song for the Eagles: "Birds of War" from the episode "The Gang Wrestles for the Troops."
New York Giants: Jay Z
Nobody represents New York more than Jay Z these days, and hell, as a sports agent, he even represents a few players on the team.
Dallas Cowboys: Pantera
I shouldn't need to explain this to any Texan, but Pantera were known as the Cowboys from Hell and originated from the DFW area. It's the perfect fit, right down to the fact that neither the band nor the team has done anything since the year 2000.
Washington (NFL Team): Skrewdriver
Skrewdriver was a punk band in the early days of hardcore who honestly did write some pretty good music, but were also neo-Nazi skinheads whose lyrics were all nationalist and racist as hell. Sort of like how Washington's NFL team isn't half bad, but their name represents a disgraceful period of racism in American history.
Chicago Bears: Chicago
The name was my starting point, but then I realized it was apt because Bears fans and Chicago fans are both still stuck in the '70s and '80s. Ooh, sick burn. Kidding, Bears fans. You guys are very big and scary.
Detroit Lions: White Lion
Once again, I started with the name. Then I laughed because White Lion has always sucked, just like the Lions, who have never made it to a Super Bowl.
Minnesota Vikings: Prince
"Yea, and the Artist looked down at the Minnesota Vikings, winning by 17 points, and saw that it was good."
Look, the man wrote a fight song for the team already. The Artist is practically the face of Minnesota. I'd be remiss to pick anyone else to represent the Vikings.
Green Bay Packers: Ozzy Osbourne
What do Ozzy and a certain Packers legend have in common? Neither one can seem to stay retired. Oof, that joke came straight out of 2009. I apologize to everyone.
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