Just Give Blue Ivy Carter All the VMAs, Please
There was some better moments of the show -- including an okay performance of "Black Widow" with Iggy Azalea and Rita Ora, but it was just a'ight. It was also super confusing because they were dressed alike and well...they're just not that impressive, but Azalea kind of made up for it with her raunchy ass dance moves. Kind of.
But luckily there was someone on hand to really make up for the snoozefest this year, and that was Blue Ivy Carter. They just need to schedule that child to take the stage every year, and let all the other performers, who are trying way too hard and failing, sit the fuck back down. Blue is apparently naturally impressive.
You see, during Beyonce's Vanguard Award performance -- which lasted 15 freakin' minutes, by the way -- Blue was gettin' the hell down on daddy Jay Z's lap, and it was about the best thing ever. She was already all super-prepared to bust out her "Single Ladies" dance, and even Jay seemed surprised at her moves. That little one stole the show from Beyonce, a task I wasn't even aware was possible.
As Yonce busted out a montage of all of her hits, all eyes were on Blue as she kept on performing alongside her mama. It was about the cutest damned thing that's happened in a long while -- awards show or otherwise -- and it was so obvious that Blue just did it to shut shit down. She's already got it in her to one-up Beyonce. The girl is going places.
Even poor Kelly Rowland, who was sitting next to Jay Z and is about-to-pop pregnant, couldn't steal the limelight away from Blue. She was just too much. Her shoulder shrug should have impressed even Jay, really. She was just brushing' 'em off, you know?
Don't get me wrong. Beyonce was fabulous -- like her or loathe her, the girl can perform something fierce -- but Blue was better. That little puff of natural hair and Jay Z's swagger just make her naturally one-up her mom. Next year, let's just skip all of the dumb shit and give all of the VMAs to Blue instead. She's obviously a bigger star than any of these other fools, so we'll just count them as being preemptive and call it a day.
But only if Blue will bounce like that onstage, of course.
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS