The 10 Best Reasons Rick Ross Won't Play Houston

Rozay2010-0611.jpg
Photo by Marco Torres
Rick Ross at his last known Houston appearance in October 2010
Good ol' Rick Ross didn't bother to show up for a Houston concert -- yet again. This time it was at Houston Beer Fest. Last time? Bayou Music Center. The time before? Hell, does it even matter?

The bottom line is Ross must have some sort of reason he keeps canceling tour dates here, right? After all, who wouldn't love our city? Well, other than him.

In order to explain the unfortunate circumstances in which Ross keeps canceling his Houston tour dates, we've wracked our brains to come up with a few explanations as to why the notorious rapper would skip out on us over and over and over again. Here are the Top 10.


rickrossscreenshot.jpg
10. He Can't Stand the Heat
In the middle of June, Houston is as hot as balls. Perhaps Ross was a bit concerned about being able to wear his trademark furs out in the Houston humidity or something. Rozay shirtless is not a sight we would like to behold, even with a mink jacket and a backup dancer draped over him, and perhaps he did us a solid by skipping out on this one.

Or perhaps he's just scurred of the heat -- unlike Action Bronson, who is a big ol' dude, but killed it Saturday afternoon out in the hot-ass sun, and even made his way through the crowd, no less.


9. He Hates to Party-Rock
Rick Ross wants you hustlin', not shufflin' -- after all, he is the dude who sued LMFAO for ripping him off on "Party Rock" for using the words "Every day I'm shuffling" -- so perhaps he'd heard of our immense propensity for party-rockin'. Who knows; it's Rick Ross. He brought us "U.E.N.O.," has canceled concerts in Houston three times now, and yet we still book him for shows. Just about anything is possible.


8. The Guy Who Stole the Name "Freeway Rick Ross" Hates Actual Freeways
Did you know Rick Ross is actually a name "borrowed" from notorious California drug dealer Freeway Rick Ross? Rapper Rick Ross just incorporated it, along with Freeway Rick Ross's life story as a drug dealer, into his music. Instead, Ross the rapper's past is as a corrections officer, and his appropriating Freeway's story got his ass sued by the actual Freeway Rick Ross. Ultimately, impostor Ross won the right to use the moniker "Rick Ross," citing his First Amendment rights to use the name, minus the "Freeway" part. (Got all that?)

Maybe rapper Rick Ross dropped the "Freeway" part not because he wanted to sound hard by biting someone else's street cred, but because he actually hates freeways. Houston does have a lot of shitty, shitty freeways, and plenty of shitty, shitty traffic to go along with them.



7. We Don't Have a Houston's Steakhouse, Which Is His Fave :(
Womp, womp.


6. The Guy Who Sports Red Bottoms Is Scared of the Galleria
Rick Ross is notoriously generous on his shopping sprees, buying a ridiculous stash of goodies not just for himself, but also bestowing plenty of tokens of affection on his entourage. Perhaps our fancy-ass Galleria was too much for ol' Red Bottoms to handle, no? It has, after all, been an expensive run for Rich Rozay.


5. Houston Gives Him Seizures
That is, after all, what caused him to cancel his 2012 show at the Bayou Music Center after it was well under way. According to some reports, anyway. He didn't reschedule.


List continues on the next page.


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39 comments
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just_flo
just_flo

Can yall improve the website. Lazy programming.

Ava Mike Johnson
Ava Mike Johnson

Its my opinion the Houston Beer Fest booked him to get his fans to the festival. 100% false advertisement...and it worked. The guys garbage..dosent respect his fans...yet they keep buying his music.

Brian Vincent
Brian Vincent

He's a fraud who lied and finally admitted to being a correctional officer AND he uses the name of a real person who is still alive & suing him- Fuck him don't come to Houston

Steve Flick
Steve Flick

We popped him a molly and U O E N O it'

Sandra Santos
Sandra Santos

I'll call it traffic.... sure makes me want to move!!!

Optimo Ram
Optimo Ram

Would of been nice if there was at least a couple legit reasons. There are quite a few real ones.

Phallon Wright
Phallon Wright

Houston's got a pretty good coating of fake ass bullshit repellant around it, Rick Ross couldn't penetrate.

johnnyboy729
johnnyboy729

On twitter, at 11:55pm the night of his cancelled show, he posted a picture of himself bussin a giant bottle of champagne after the Miami Heat (where he lives) victory.

chaz0717
chaz0717

This article is bad, and you should feel bad for writing it. Lists? Hasn't that format been beaten to death yet? And OMGLOL SO RANDOM. Is HP even trying anymore?

521729
521729

@chaz0717 This was a HP staff effort. No one person could have written this amazing piece.

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