My Friend Thinks I Snitched on Her. Help!

Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!

Photo by Mario Jaramillo

Dear Willie D:

I'm in the middle of a friendship crisis that started two weeks ago. My friend since kindergarten was babysitting for a couple in our neighborhood, and she invited her boyfriend over to make out in their bed. I called her while they were in bed together and she told me she would call me back. When she did I was filled in on all of the raunchy details. Well, a few days after the incident she called accusing me of telling the couple what she did.

I know the couple, but I have only spoken to them maybe twice in the ten years I've been living in the neighborhood. But she swears that I'm to blame for leaking the information. I told her that her boyfriend may have said something, but she insists that he would never do something like that. The couple not only fired her, but they called the authorities because she's only 15 and the boy is 19.

They arrested him, and now he has to go to court for charges of unlawful sex with a minor. I have tried texting, emailing and reaching out to her on Facebook, but she won't respond. She is telling all of the friends we share that I'm a snitch, and can't be trusted. How can I get her to believe me, and get my friend back?

Friendship Crisis:

People believe what they want to believe. Maybe she's blaming you because you're more expendable than her boyfriend; therefore it's easier to accept you betraying her than her boyfriend doing so. She probably already had doubts about the validity of your relationship with her, and the incident was a perfect excuse to charge you up.

I think you've already stated your case, but if you want to put an explanation mark on it, reach out to her one final time to reassure her that you did not rat her out, and let her know you are offended by her accusation. Tell her that you value her friendship too much to betray her trust, and you hope that she values yours enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. Then let her know that you're available if she wants to talk, and be done with it.

I don't know; your friend sounds high-maintenance. Sometimes holes get poked through the armor that protects the sanctity of friendship. When that happens and a mutual desire to patch things up doesn't exist, the friendship has run its course.


Dear Willie D:

In July I will be 50 years old, and still unmarried without kids. All of my closest friends have full families: spouses and children. Whenever there's a holiday or special occasion I always feel awkward and alone, even in a full room. I have been told often that my standards are too high, but I don't see it. I mean, what's wrong with wanting honesty, trust, love, attention, respect and loyalty from the person you're in a relationship with?

I lowered my standards for the last guy I was with and promised myself I would never do that again. That was six long years ago. I am very lonely and I'm starting to think I will never meet the right guy. Why is it so easy for some people to find their soul mate right away and others like me to search most of their life for the right person? Do you think some people were just meant to be alone?

High Standards:

I don't think a single human being in this world was meant to be alone. I think what happens is that most of us set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and force those expectations on prospective partners. Too often we focus on superficial things such as looks, status and material items instead of seeking complementary traits and common interests. When we focus on the superficial it causes us to be judgmental and critical of our mate's mistakes, and choices.

In my short time on earth I've never found love when I was consciously pursuing it; every meaningful relationship I've had was serendipitous. You don't have to look for love. Like a child given away at birth, it will find you when you least expect it.

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