His Teacher Called My Son a Loser. Help!


Dear Willie D:

I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months. He treats me good, and is great with my son from a previous relationship. Recently we were having intercourse and he called me his ex-girlfriend's name. He immediately apologized, but the damage was done. I told him to get off of me, put on my clothes, and left his house.

As soon as I got into my car I called him to let him have it. I asked him was he having sex with his ex and he said no. I don't know whether to believe him or not. If he isn't sleeping with her, why would he say her name while having sex with me?

Say My Name:

Memories of ex-lovers don't just vanish overnight. I've never called a girlfriend by an ex-girlfriend's name while making love, or otherwise, but I was once at a house party and inadvertently called a friend's new girlfriend by the name of his ex-wife.

It doesn't mean that I preferred the ex over his current girlfriend. It was a subconscious slip of the tongue because I was so used to associating the ex-wife with him. The guy treats you good, and is great with your son from another man. I can see how your feelings may be hurt, but I don't think you want to throw it all away behind an apparent gaffe. You've only been dating him for six months. Now if he's still calling you her name after six years, that's when you should be worried.


Dear Willie D:

I recently broke off the engagement to my fiancé of five years because I've lost myself along the way, and need to focus on figuring out who I am for a while. What my fiancé doesn't know is that I also cheated on him with a former coworker who I've had intense feelings with for quite some time.

My coworker and I met back in 2011 after he had just ended a long-term relationship, moved back home, and started working for the nonprofit I was managing. We developed a connection almost immediately. After some time I eventually gave in to my desires that I had been harboring for so long.

It was the sweetest escape. I felt comfortable giving in to his power, and also so nervous at the same time. I went back home to my fiancé that night. I knew that I could not be with him a minute longer. I sat my fiancé down to let him know that I was leaving the relationship to pursue my independence.

I wanted to be honest and tell him that I cheated, but the words would not come past the tip of my tongue. I was afraid that he would perceive my leaving as a statement against his adequacy as a sexual partner. That was just not the case. I cheated because of lust and infatuation, not because my fiancé couldn't please me sexually.

Anyway, now this thing with my coworker has put immense pressure on me. What used to be fun, playful, brainy chatter is now awkward silence when we are together. I don't know how to act around him at all, and I feel the same from him. When we were both attached to other people, we could say exactly what was on our minds without fear of judgment. It's like I now feel the need to impress him with my charm and wit so much that it's debilitating.

I think I know the answer to my question; however I have always admired your opinion. Willie D, what do you think?

Awkward Silence:

The reason there was no fear of judgment between you and your coworker when you were both attached to other people was because there was no commitment to each other. When you're not in a committed relationship you don't have the obligation that restricts freedom of action. You can do whatever you want to do and if the person you're seeing don't like it, so what?

The awkward silence in your relationship with your coworker could be that other than sex, you really don't have anything in common. Your relationship was built on lust, not love. Love is a force of nature; it is patient, kind, and unselfish. Lust is diametrically opposite.

You seem to be in a sad spiral of avoidance. Try to figure out what it is your heart genuinely wants, and apply your actions accordingly. The results we get are determined by the energy we put out.


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Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.


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