Miley Cyrus at Toyota Center, 3/16/2014
Two dozen plus balloons are bouncing above the audience. A group of furries dance onstage. On the screen behind them is a giant digital photo of Miley Cyrus. Then a hole opens in the screen and a giant pink tongue comes out of it. Actual, human-sized Miley climbs onto the tongue and slides down it to the stage.
To answer the question that popped in to your brain when you decided to read this review, yes, the Bangerz Tour is exactly what you'd expect it to be.
As it should be. Miley represents a very specific version of the American experience, real or imagined, in the year 2014. In a sense, she's Buzzfeed made flesh, a human .gif, a walking meme generator. To give the crowd anything less than that would be wrong.
Get a look at more Miley insanity in our slideshow, "These are the People You Meet at a Miley Cyrus Concert."
With that in mind, there's only one way to review this show properly:
1. Balloons were hanging up all over the arena before the show started. It was a looners dream come true.
2. The crowd was hyped for the show, but nice enough to wait until after Icona Pop had finished their opening set to start chanting "Miley! Miley!"
3. Pre-show music was a mix of "Bandz-a Make Her Dance" and songs that sound exactly like it. Not sure how to feel about 14-year-olds dancing to it, but their parents didn't seem to have a problem with it.
4. Say what you want about Miley, the music, or the content of the show, but from a technical perspective it's pretty masterful. The lighting design in particular was very well-done.
6. With her initial outfit, she seemed to be going for "Sexy Picnic Table." Also, it seems like most of her outfits include a backpack or purse of some sort. What is she so worried about losing onstage?
7. Maybe she's worried about losing her pack of Bangerz Tour rolling papers. Those were on sale at the merchandise table. When your tour isn't covered in corporate logos, you have to make money somewhere; smoking accessories it is.
8. A mascot version of Big Sean shows up during "Love Money Party." That's a thing that exists.
Review continues on the next page.