I Don't Want My Man Having Female Friends. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Dear Willie D:
I have been with my boyfriend for one year, and it's been mostly good times. We are both 18. He is an attractive guy, so of course girls flirt with him. He is also nice, so he has many female friends who he sometimes talks to on the phone.
It's not that I don't trust him. I don't trust the girls he's friends with. One girl in particular, who he dated before, we met is very attractive, and I just can't help but be jealous of her, being that they used to date.
I told him to delete her phone number, and stop talking to her but he refuses to. How can I get him to stop being her friend?
I can understand your need to protect your relationship with your boyfriend, but you're wrong. It's not fair for you to make demands on who he should be friends with. What if he tried to control who you should be friends with?
Granted, the main female in question is his ex and there's always the possibility that they may still have feelings for one another, but you have to let the chips fall where they may. He doesn't need you to monitor his phone calls to prevent him from cheating. If he wants to cheat he will cheat.
Basically this boils down to trust. Your insecurities come from the fact that you don't trust your boyfriend. It sounds like he and his ex still care about each other in a platonic way. As long as there are boundaries in place, you shouldn't be worried. Don't ask him to betray a friend he's known before he met you just to make you feel better.
You're in a sticky situation. Having the capacity to accept the fact that your significant other continues to communicate with his ex when there's no child involved is not for everybody, and no one would fault you for moving on.
Sometimes exes make better friends than lovers. I have an ex-girlfriend whom I've been a platonic friend with for years. I was a pallbearer at her grandmother's funeral. I love her entire family. If I meet a woman today and she can't accept her, she can't accept me.
TRYING TO DECIDE HOW MUCH TO SPEND ON MY WEDDING
Dear Willie D:
First let me say that my friends and I are big fans of your column. My 63-year-old mother even loves you. As I type this letter I am sitting in my living room with three of my best girlfriends and my sister, drinking Mimosas having a discussion about my wedding budget, which at the moment is north of $22,000.00. My sister and one of my friends think that's too much. So right now the vote is two in favor of my current budget, and two in favor of cutting expenses -- I can't make my mind up.
My fiancée and I both have decent jobs that allow us to live in a luxury apartment, and drive nice cars. We have enough savings to cover our wedding expenses, but not much more than that. Since we're at an impasse, my friend came up with the super idea to ask Willie D to break the tie. I value your sage advice so much that whatever you say is the way I will go.
How much do you think we should budget? The wedding is in June.
Your dilemma is really a matter of personal choice. It's hard to tell a woman who has been dreaming of the biggest day of her life [her wedding day] since she was a little girl to not go all-out. It's easy for someone who's been married before to say, "Don't spend all that money on a dress you're only going to wear once, or an event that will be over in five hours." They've already had their wedding. $22,000 is a lot of cheddar to spend on a wedding in any case; especially if you only have a little more than that in the bank.
If I were your financial advisor, I would say budget $2,000-$3,000. If you don't overextend yourself by inviting too many people and buying a costly dress you could have an affordable wedding that is just as special as one with an unlimited budget, and have enough money left for a rainy day or a down payment on a new house.
Congratulations and have a great ceremony, but remember the marriage is a lot more important than the wedding.
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