I Want to Move in With My Boyfriend. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Dear Willie D:
Even though she doesn't have a husband, or boyfriend my 28-year-old friend has told me she is going to have a baby before she turns 30. When I asked her why on earth would she do something like that, she said that she's tired of being alone and feeling unloved. She said that if she has a baby her baby will not judge her, or leave her, and will always love her no matter what.
When I questioned her as to just how she was going to have this "non" love child, she said that she has a couple of guy friends who will do it, or she will just get pregnant by someone she meets in the near future. We aren't speaking to each other right now because she's mad at me for chiding her. But I'm also mad at her. She kept giving me all of these lame examples of women having children and raising them alone.
She also said that her mother raised her as a single parent, and she turned out all right. Because we have been friends for over four years I thought I could be honest with her. I told her that she didn't turn out all the way all right because she has daddy issues, and that's the root of her inability to get along with men.
I explained to her that if she has a daughter her daughter will probably have the same issues, and if she has a son her son will miss out on valuable lessons that only a father can teach a son. Dismissively, she told me, "They'll survive." What the hell is wrong with people in the world today? Everybody is so damn selfish!
Are you sure your friend is 28 and not two? There are a number of bad reasons to have a child, but I think the most selfish reasons to have one is to feel loved, or so your child can take care of you in your old age. You don't have a child so you can get love; you have a child because you have additional love to give.
Tell your friend if she wants to feel loved, get a dog. They are more loyal, and they don't pee on you in your sleep.
CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO TELL HIM I WANT TO MOVE IN
Dear Willie D:
I have been dating my guy for almost a year, and we have a great relationship. He has his own place, and I live with my cousin about a 30-minute drive away. I attend university near his house so sometimes when I have time to kill I will go to his house to take a nap. When he's not home I use the key he gave me, but I always call first to get permission before going over.
I spend a lot of time with him, but I also spend a lot of time in traffic driving back and forth to visit him, and to go to school. It would be so much easier if we lived together, but I'm afraid to ask him because I would be hurt if he said no. Also his sister doesn't like me, but that's a whole other story. Do you think I should tell him I want to move in, and if so what should I say?
Afraid to Ask:
You're basically living together now. You already sleep there, and you have a key. Before talking to your boyfriend about moving into his casita consider his behavior as it relates to cohabitating. If you've never heard him at least hint at you moving in, then he probably wants to keep things the way they are; at least for now. In the meantime you could drop little insinuations on him. For example one day when he calls you to come over for sex you could say something like: I would love to, but I don't feel like driving way out there.
But be careful how you address the matter. You don't want to spook him. Here are some questions you should ask yourself before asking your boyfriend can you move into his place:
- Are you really good friends?
- Are you prepared to sacrifice your independence?
- Do the two of you communicate open and honestly?
- Do your disagreements evoke thoughtful debates rather than anger?
- Can you share the bathroom sink with him?
If you do move in with your boyfriend, for your relationship to continue to be great you're going to need the first four questions to be an emphatic yes. If he has a double sink or two bathrooms, the bathroom-sink thing is optional.
More Ask Willie D on the next page.