How to Play a Vinyl Record

Photo by acidpix via flickr
So you want to play a vinyl, eh?

Perhaps you've come across your grandma's old record player, or maybe you've found a sweet stash of vinyls at your local Goodwill that would look perfect in your hipster pad, and you want to test them out to impress your moustachioed friends.

There's only one problem, though. You're well out of the demographic that remembers 8-track players, much less those strange, disc-looking things you're holding haphazardly, and you can't just ask the dude in skinny pants that won't get off your couch. You'd lose way too much street cred.

Well, you're in luck. An official old is here to teach you the ways. Watch and learn, childrens.

Photo by wot nxt via flickr
What you'll need:
1 Record Player
1 Vinyl Record
1 arm/hand

Preparing to Play Your Vinyl
When playing a vinyl, you will need to first choose a vinyl. I like to choose things based on how '70s-legit the photos on the front are, but you can choose in any manner you like. I go with the bigger and bushier the beard, the better the record, which may or may not work for you.

Perhaps you'll want to choose by mullet length, the righteousness of the feathered bangs, or simply the sheer hilariousness of the artwork. Or maybe just by the type of music you like. Whatever floats your boat on this one. Just pick one and let's get down to business.

Step 1: Remove the vinyl from that protective sleeve.
That pretty little paper wrapping is a protective sleeve, and also a square, and you must remove it in order to actually start the process of playing your record. So reach in there, grab that ribbed round thing, and carefully slide it out of its protective home. Don't rush; no need for speed in this process. Just gently caress and slide.

Step 2: Place it like it's hot.
Take the round thing that emerged from the paper sleeve, line up the hole in the center with the metal point on the turntable -- it's called a spindle, by the way -- and lay the vinyl down gently. Have you succeeded? You're obviously a natural at this.

Lesson continues on the next page.

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It is hard to believe that a reporter could write about something and pretend that they know what they are talking about when in fact they do not. This is some of the worst journalism I have read. Why would you slag some thing  you know nothing about. I think I hear your mom calling you, and it is time for your nap.!!


 I guess this is supposed to be funny. It's not. Let me point out a couple of things for you Ms. Leicht. Vinyl record is redundant. All records are vinyl. Records is the correct plural. Vinyls is not. As andyphifer pointed out you could have actually offered some helpful tips. You chose not too.However I did learn one thing from this. I thought nothing could possibly be worse than your concert "reviews" until today.

gossamersixteen topcommenter

More required reading for 12 year olds from the geniuses at HP.


IT is fun to tell jokes, but what about some real guidance, like discussing the need for a pre-amp on an older turntable going into speakers without a receiver in between? Or say what the difference between the speeds are and how you know which one to use?


I sort of hate owning a record player (and records) now.  Thanks for that, I guess.

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