23 Things You Won't See at Shows in the Suburbs
I have a love-hate relationship with my suburban lifestyle. For instance, I love sitting in my backyard, drinking cold beer and tending to something sizzling on the smoker. I hate getting threatening letters from the hypercritical HOA doofuses who apparently have nothing better to do than measure how high the grass is growing at my place.
Bill Jacobus via Flickr Commons You have the green light to escape from the suburbs.
This is a good place to wear slippers, watch TV and keep a dog. It's pretty horrible if you want to hear a live band and revel in any of the nightlife fun that accompanies that exercise. For that, you need to go into town. That's where you'll see these 23 things you won't see in the suburbs:
- Skanking. No one skanks in the suburbs.
- Taco trucks.
- Two attractive females full-mouth kissing in the middle of the dance floor. Awesome? Awful? It's not for me to say. Just reporting what I saw.
- Suburban lifestyle wear: yoga pants. Shorts and flip-flops. The occasional muu-muu. No studded jackets.
- Those little cartoon booklets passed out by the holy rollers as you're exiting the black-metal show. However, the Jehovah's Witnesses do stop by every other Saturday morning.
- People drinking outside the convenience store. Note: can actually be found in some Houston-area suburbs.
- Set lists (no, a honey-do list is not a set list).
- Dudes urinating in the public outdoors.
- Photographers. Nobody questions them shooting bands or show audiences. It would be brilliant to see them snapping high-speed photos of shoppers selecting toilet paper at the neighborhood Kroger.
- Middle-agers openly embracing their alcoholism. In the suburbs, it's a dirty secret. In town, it gives us a smashed couple waiting to purchase a bottle of wine at the store next to Rudz discussing their "poop chutes" at the sales counter.
- Show fliers. All that's posted on the neighborhood bulletin board are garage-sale notices.
- Japanese punk rockers standing around watching punk rockers from Japan perform.
List continues on the next page.