10 Things Country Music Should Write About Besides Trucks

David Guo via Flickr
We get the point, thanks.
Though it's probably no worse than current pop, rock or hip-hop, you know country music is in sorry shape when someone from Entertainment Weekly goes after it. A few days before Christmas, EW critic Grady W. Smith posted a video to YouTube that boils down dozens of 2013 country hits to a handful of topics: pickup trucks, dirt roads, girls in painted-on jeans climbing in pickup trucks (driving down dirt roads), and just the single word "girl." Then he washes it all down with the "good stuff," aka booze. It's brilliant.

But it's also heartbreaking to see a genre built on the witty and woebegone words of Hank Williams, Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash, Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson and so many others reduced to this Blake Shelton couplet from "Boys Round Here": "Talkin' 'bout girls, talkin' 'bout trucks/ Runnin' them red dirt roads out, kicking up dust." Among other things, simpleton lines like that pave straight over the quiet integrity of Kacey Musgraves' Same Trailer Different Park, as clever and lovely a country album as has been released in either this decade or the last one.

As Same Trailer makes abundantly clear, there are quite a few other things country music can be writing about, so we decided to come up with a few more suggestions while Musgraves gets ready for the Grammys later this month. To make it a challenge, we left out several once-familiar topics that have now all but taken a back seat to pickups and painted-on jeans: mama, daddy, prison, workin', Texas (for those of us between the Red and Rio Grande), beaches, and sweet country girls shaking what their mama gave them. OK, we guess that one can stay.

xddorox via Flickr
We just wonder why dudes like Jason Aldean and Florida Georgia Line, who have "borrowed" just about everything else from hip-hop, haven't started grabbing their nut sack more often.

stevendepolo via Flickr
Every once in a while one will sneak into the Top 40, but considering society's obsession with cooking shows, foodie culture, and everything else, it's a little mind-blowing that the only great country song about food we can think of is Robert Earl Keen's "Barbecue."

Trinity via Flickr
Trees give us wood. Given the locker-room mentality of most modern country acts, it's just another undervalued resource waiting to be tapped. Oops... did it again.

mikemol via Flickr
This environmentally suspect fossil fuel is burned to make steel, which is used to make pickup trucks. It's the circle of life.

TexasDarkHorse via Flickr
All these songs about pickup trucks, and yet almost none about the crawling suburban commutes that occupy most of their time.

List continues on the next page.

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Sterling Meeks
Sterling Meeks

Here's my list of 10 suggestions: 1. Bringing back Jim Crow. 2. Bombing more of them sand dwellers overseas. 3. "RAYGUN IS GAWD!" 4. Puttin' the ladies in their place: barefoot, preggie, and in the kitchen. 5. Honky tonk bar brawls. 6. Wal-Mart date scenes. 7. Trailer park romps with one's blood sibling. 8. Penile replacements a.k.a. guns. 9. Flunking remedial grade school courses. 10. Cow dung....lots and lots of cow dung. All of these seem to resonate with the typical country shit-kicker music fan. LuLz.


Yet another stupid hypocritical leftist. tsk tsk tsk Where is your "tolerance"? Don't you know you aren't supposed to stereotype? Please don't breed, thanks!


Very nice. Now explain to all of them what "resonate" means.

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