10 Reasons the Door Guy Hates You
|torbakhopper via Flickr|
Because you will need cash to pay the cover. Almost always. This is not a new thing. Really and truly, no matter how technology might advance, it is highly unlikely that there's ever gonna be an app for that. And no, we don't take credit cards...
8. I am not here to deal with your drunk ass.
If you are wasted on $2 kamikazes and having a bad night, I suggest you take it home and have it out with your boyfriend (or the coat rack that kinda looks like him right now). I deal with drunk people every goddamn night and have no tolerance for your temper tantrum. Just remember -- HPD's on speed dial, sweetheart.
9. On a different but similar note: No, I do not wanna high-five you, bro.
Photo by Citizen 4474 via Flickr
Let's just keep one thing very clear -- we are not friends. Who cares if you come to this dump five nights a week and know my first name; I am not your drinking buddy. I don't care who won the game. And, so help me God, if you throw your pit-stained arm around my shoulders and break into a rousing rendition of "Sweet Caroline" on your way out, you may find yourself singing the next line in a whole different octave.
10. And last but not least, show a little love.
Door guys don't exactly have the most glamorous job in the industry -- there are no tips, fancy equipment or sexy uniforms. No one ever bothers to say thank you to the gatekeeper. And drunkards stomp on your toes more often than is even fathomable. So, the next time you're out on the town, pay it forward and tell the big guy at the front: "Hey, thanks for being YOU."
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