10 Reasons the Door Guy Hates You

torbakhopper via Flickr
7. On the same note as above, if you're going out, go ahead and hit that ATM during your pre-game stop at the liquor store.
Because you will need cash to pay the cover. Almost always. This is not a new thing. Really and truly, no matter how technology might advance, it is highly unlikely that there's ever gonna be an app for that. And no, we don't take credit cards...

8. I am not here to deal with your drunk ass.
If you are wasted on $2 kamikazes and having a bad night, I suggest you take it home and have it out with your boyfriend (or the coat rack that kinda looks like him right now). I deal with drunk people every goddamn night and have no tolerance for your temper tantrum. Just remember -- HPD's on speed dial, sweetheart.

Photo by Citizen 4474 via Flickr
9. On a different but similar note: No, I do not wanna high-five you, bro.
Let's just keep one thing very clear -- we are not friends. Who cares if you come to this dump five nights a week and know my first name; I am not your drinking buddy. I don't care who won the game. And, so help me God, if you throw your pit-stained arm around my shoulders and break into a rousing rendition of "Sweet Caroline" on your way out, you may find yourself singing the next line in a whole different octave.

10. And last but not least, show a little love.
Door guys don't exactly have the most glamorous job in the industry -- there are no tips, fancy equipment or sexy uniforms. No one ever bothers to say thank you to the gatekeeper. And drunkards stomp on your toes more often than is even fathomable. So, the next time you're out on the town, pay it forward and tell the big guy at the front: "Hey, thanks for being YOU."


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Dodd Melcher
Dodd Melcher

Door guys don't hate me… it's not possible.


They can earn some respect when they stop being racist shitbags.


These top-ten lists have become incredibly hackneyed and dull; they're all generic enough that they could as easily apply to Houston as any other medium-to-large American city.  Is this another sign of out-sourcing?  Are they being poached from LA, NYC, or Dayton weeklies?  Fess up, or desist.

Tish Squish
Tish Squish

I can't get behind this piece at all because of douchy, racist bouncers at places like Roosevelt's. Until you enforce the "dress code" for white boys walking **out** of the place as strictly as you do for people of other ethnicities trying to come in, you have no leg to stand on with this crap.


Also you can add, "Because you're black". Houston bars are notorious for not letting dark skinned people in. They could be the best dressed people in the line. Doesn't matter. 

John Hodges
John Hodges

Great article!! Been there. Done that in my younger days. Bottom line is this: Show some damn respect. For yourself, and your bouncer..

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