Hey, Millennials: You're Partying All Wrong. Here's How.
Not even Girl Talk.
YouTube isn't party entertainment.
For the love of God! Please, please, please do not put YouTube on at a party. Just, no.
No one wants to see that "really funny" viral piece of crap, stupid kung-fu underground video you want to put on 'cause you're stoned. If everyone were a better conversationalist, there would be less need for internet visuals. Actual art visuals are OK, as is anything super trippy, or The Big Lebowski. But get off the internet. It isn't real life.
There is no dubstep at house parties.
Certain stuff is just meant for da club. Dubstep is that. So don't do it.
Put on music that you like, not music you think other people will think is so rad. Seriously. The Beatles or Hot Chip or Outkast at 5 a.m. is way better than whatever shitty vomit sounds you're playing 'cause you read all about how much they rule on some music blog (ahem).
Guitar Hero? No.
Only NES or Super Nintendo are appropriate for playing while fucked up in a huge group. You with the Guitar Hero at the party, you sicken me. If this is a small get-together, please bust out all your Xboxes, but if it's a Saturday-night blowout, put the fake guitar down, open your mouth, and force it to make human sounds.
Share your beer, cheapskate.
Millennials. You guys are... How can I put this? Rude.
Once the little beer or liquor that was in the kitchen at the start of the night runs out, you may go to the store and get a six-pack of like Dos Equis. But you never share. Good party manners involve buying a case and placing it in the cooler for all to enjoy.
Seeing someone hoarding beer at the end of a party is a life force suck. It's bad, really bad manners. If you want to save a few for yourself, leave them in your car. Parties are for sharing cans of beer and experiences, not for showing off anything but dance skills and tongue tricks.
Liz Tracy is the Music Editor at our sister paper New Times in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida.
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