10 Current Songs So Bad, They're Practically Making Fun of You
Ever had the urge to make the world's worst playlist? Perhaps you're hell-bent on torturing the passengers on a ten-hour road trip to Florida, or you just want to drive your mother-in-law batty enough that she'll jump ship and walk home. Well, just bust out these bad boys.
Be careful, though. In small doses these things can be pretty dangerous, so please don't play all ten in succession. We don't need any serious traumatic pop-song-induced brain injuries on our hands.
We've included the videos for you, just in case you're a music masochist or something. You're welcome.
10. "Feel This Moment," Pitbull feat. Christina Aguilera
This: "Ask for money, and get advice, Ask for advice, get money twice." What does it even mean? Am I supposed to learn something from it? Is it insightful?
And this: "Now make dollars, I mean billions, I'm a genius, I mean brilliance." Again, am I missing something? What the hell is brilliant about about making word-mush and throwing in the word brilliance?
The world doesn't even make sense anymore.
9. "Popular Song," MIKA feat. Ariana Grande
I mean, what? This song literally sounds like it belongs on some off-Broadway production, and all I can picture during this weird warbling is a mad amalgam of jazz hands and rhinestones. It can't be for real, right?
8. "I Wish," Cher Lloyd feat. T.I.
I just replayed to this song so that you don't have to, and here are my legit thoughts on what was blaring in my ears, courtesy of my Beats. (Screw you for that, Dre. The sound was impeccable.)
I don't understand why Alvin the Chipmunk is singing on a track with T.I., and this shit is really confusing to me. I feel like I might be hallucinating from too many Cheetos at my desk or something. I also am confused about why Alvin is saying things like, "I wish I woke up with a butt and a rack." Alvin should learn to accept himself without a butt and a rack.
The only redeeming part of this song is T.I., or it would rival the horrid song in the No. 1 spot. T.I., saving blurry songs one at a time.
7. "#thatpower," will.i.am
It's got a hashtag as a song title, for Christ's sake. Nothing good can come of hashtag song titles. And the song's entire premise sounds like a friggin' Tweet. He's got that power, power, power. Used to have a piggy bank, now he's got a bigger bank. That's some Shakespearean shit right there.
I hate to even say it, but Bieber is the one who redeems this song with a little bit of talent, even if he does glow like he stuck his toddler finger in the light socket.
6. "Scream & Shout," will.i.am feat. Britney Spears
will.i.am just wants to scream, and shout, and let it all out. And scream, and shout, and let it out. And say oooooeoooooeoeoooooh.
If you take into account all of the other garbage will.i.am is responsible for as of late -- I'm side-eying the shit out of that Bieber collab -- it leaves us with this: if will.i.am wrote or produced it, it can probably be used to torture someone quite effectively. Please use that bit of information for good and not evil.
Throwing Britney's super-deep thoughts in the form of Jack Handey-like line "Britney, bitch" just takes this shit into literary overdrive. I'm surprised that my IQ wasn't raised at least 30 points each time "Scream & Shout" is played, considering how deep this song is.
5. "Here's to Never Growing Up," Avril Lavigne
Dude. She uses the word "boombox" unabashedly in this song. Not only does it have to be a joke, it's not a funny one because she's showing her old-lady panties in the process.
Avril, you're making all of us olds the butt of your accidental joke, and you're right there in the geriatric quarters with us. Come off it already.
List continues on the next page.