Five Badass Women to Replace Miley on the Vogue Cover
According to various news outlets, the twerk-lovin' pop artist known as Miley Cyrus has lost her spot on the coveted Vogue cover, thanks to her naughty foam finger and vinyl underoos at her ill-fated MTV VMA performance. Apparently no one wants to take into consideration that she's just being Miley. (Sorry for that.)
And even if these news outlets (like the Daily Mail, among others) are wrong about Miley being pulled from the Vogue cover, you can guarantee that after famed Vogue high priestess Anna Wintour sets her eyes on the newest Miley video making the rounds, Miley will be sad-waving at that cover as it drifts away in the wind.
That video, from last weekend's performance of "We Can't Stop" on the German TV show Schlag den Raab is bordering on a new level of offensive, and not only because her singing sucks. Nope, Miley pulled out all the stops by performing that obnoxious song while flanked with a band of little people because, well, as you know, people are just props in Miley's circus, right? Watch your ass if you're somewhat different than Miley, cause she's out to fucking fetishize you with a vengeance.
I'm not sure how many times this can be said, but it's not edgy to use real live human people -- yes, "human people" is the only way to get the point across on this one -- as props for your attention-whoring. Way to try to dehumanize some actual people because you weren't validated enough as a child, Miley. (Where is her publicist?!)
But really. Miley was kind of a boring choice for that cover anyway, and it's not like that foam finger and her half-assed (heh) attempt at twerking made her more interesting. All of these Steve-O Jackass-esque moves haven't made her a respected pop star, they've made her the flavor of the week in the train-wreck category. She was already a sub-par vocalist and her music, despite being so far removed from Disney and everything wholesome, is still canned, flavorless tuna that is packaged to look fancy and stamped with stupid words like "Bangerz." So who cares, really?
Vogue should have plenty of other legitimate options for the cover, so we'd like to suggest a few in case Ms. Wintour is reading our humble blog.