Am I a Mama's Boy or a Good Son? Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Dear Willie D:
I'm a single 34-year-old man with no kids. I haven't had a relationship in a while. I work two jobs to help my mother, who had been working for the Houston Chronicle newspaper for twentysomething years. They laid her off in 2005, now she has a new job but it doesn't pay well. She couldn't pay her mortgage and utilities by herself so I stepped in to help her out.
To save money I decided to move back in with my mom but people view this as a negative thing. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting at home doing nothing and making babies like a lot of mama's boys do. I really want to have a relationship with a lady but it seems I can't because of my situation. What can I do?
You're right in that society frowns on grown men who live with their mothers. As with the expectation of a woman being wholesome, it's one of those double-standard things we have to live with.
To a woman, a man living with his mother under any circumstances is not attractive. Women want to live in their own house with their man, and they don't want another woman telling their man what to do. Additionally, they don't want their man considering another woman's needs ahead of their own, even if that woman is his destitute mother.
If you want to be in a relationship and taken seriously, get your own place. If you can't afford to help your mom and have your own place, move her in with you. When you finally meet the one you want to take home to mom, make sure you're not locked out outside because you missed your curfew.
I'M PREGNANT; NOW WHAT?
Dear Willie D:
I'm a junior in high school who is secretly carrying a baby. My boyfriend and me used to be together every day. I would hang out at his house and he would be at my house all the time. But when I got pregnant he told me that the baby was not his and broke up with me. I cheated on him once but I have been faithful to him for over eight months.
My mother is a single parent who is not the most understanding person in the world, so I don't want to tell her; not until I figure out if I want to keep the baby or have an abortion. If I decide to have an abortion I will probably never tell her about it. Why open a can of worms?
I'm a big girl, so it's hard for anyone to tell I'm pregnant. I messed up bad because my mother is always chewing at my ear about unprotected sex and having babies before I finish school and establish a career.
I live in a small town where people gossip and everybody is in everybody's business. When a friend of mine became a teenage mother they belittled her so bad that she eventually left town to live with her grandmother. I want an abortion but at the same time I want to keep my baby. But how can I take care of it? I can't even take care of myself.
If I continue the pregnancy I'm going to miss out on so many school functions and activities with my friends. My mother has said on several occasions that she's not raising any more babies. I don't know what to do. Please help me!
Pregnant & Solo:
It sucks you had to find out the hard way that babies are serious business. I support a woman's right to choose, but you are not a woman. You're a 17-year-old child who lives at home with your mom. Regardless of how negative your mother might be, under no circumstances should you keep something as consequential as your pregnancy away from her. She brought you into this world, nourished and raised you. She earned the right to know about important decisions that affect your life.
When you were laying up having sex you weren't intimidated by your mom. No need to switch it up now. Put your big-girl panties back on and tell your mom you're pregnant so that she can provide mature guidance and you won't have to go through such an emotional time alone. Sure she will be hurt and upset in the beginning, but what is she going to do, kick you out? That's highly unlikely.
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