Am I a Mama's Boy or a Good Son? Help!
THE PASTOR'S DAUGHTER
Dear Willie D:
I live at home with my mom and dad who is a pastor. So I'm expected to act in a way that's conducive to being the preacher's daughter. He doesn't want me to go on dates, hang out after ten o'clock at night, or spend any time alone with boys. That was all fine and dandy a couple of years ago, but I'm 19 years old now. I'm not a baby anymore. I'm a woman with a need to be liberated and open to explore my sexual energy.
He doesn't know but I have had a boyfriend for the past six months. We have kissed and have come close to having intercourse a few times. Of course this is very frustrating to my boyfriend. Like any guy, he wants to go all the way and so do I but not without my dad's blessings.
A lot of daughters wouldn't care what their dad thought about their sex life but I do. I feel guilty going behind his back to have a relationship. At the same time, because of his strictness I don't know how to approach him to have a conversation about the matter.
I want to tell my dad about my boyfriend so bad, but I feel that he will be disappointed in me because he is always telling everybody how much of a good girl I am. How do I express to him that I need more freedom and tell him about my boyfriend without starting World War III?
Your dad isn't a fool. He knows at some point the day will come when he has to relinquish his post as the central man in your life. Fathers of daughters silently suffer for years dreading the moment we have to let go. Subsequently, we will hold on as long as possible to our baby girls because that's what we do. Most 19-year-olds on a mission for freedom would just move out.
If you're not quite ready to leave the nest, go to your dad and express how you feel about not being allowed to date and come home late. Remind him of all the times you did the right thing, not just because it was the right thing but also because you have self-respect and you didn't want to let him down. He may not like it but he will get over it.
Now here's the kicker; do you reveal to him that you've been secretly dating your boyfriend for six months, or do you omit your relationship status and introduce him as your new boyfriend some time in the near future? They say honesty is the best policy; however, sometimes reporting a minor infraction can get your policy canceled. In that case what your dad don't know won't hurt him.
MY FRIEND IS CHEATING ON HER HUSBAND
Dear Willie D:
I'm a married woman whose friend is having an affair with her husband's boss. I have told her to end it but she will not listen. I'm a good friend to both her and her husband.
Although I met him through her, I view their friendships equally. I want to tell him but I don't know how. I feel horrible withholding this information whenever we're all together but I don't want to be responsible for their breakup. What are my options?
The fact that you have no priority allegiance to either friend puts you on a slippery slope with no breaks. Besides telling your friend to end the affair, there's not much you can do but be there to support her and her husband if or when the wheels fall off of their relationship.
If you insist on notifying the husband of his cheating wife, be sure to strap on full body armor because although people like being well-informed, when the news is bad they will often shoot the messenger. If I were you, I would stay out of it.
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