Music's Five Dumbest Pseudonyms

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Photo by Marc Brubaker
2 Chainz
Have you ever wanted to change your name? I'm going to guess that almost all of us have at some point wanted to go by some cooler moniker, unless your given name was something like "Max Power," a name that sounds good in your ear. I'm going to also guess that whatever pseudonym you came up with as a kid ultimately ended up sounding pretty dumb later on in life.

That's what makes these five famous pseudonyms musicians have gone by all the more baffling. Why on earth would a grown adult call themselves something so dumb? To be fair, most didn't stick with them, but they'll never really live them down in my eyes.

For the purposes of convenience, I mostly decided to ignore black metal here. That list would go on for days.

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Photo by Thomas R. Dedekam via Earsplit PR
5. Dwid Hellion
As front man for Integrity and the only consistent member of the band over the last 25 years, Dwid Hellion, real name Jack McLimans, has made a powerful name for himself in the hardcore scene. I guess I can't fault him too much for that. Punk, like black metal, is known for bad nicknames. Still, let's break this one down.

His chosen last name is "Hellion," which is about as intimidating as making your last name "Demon" or "Satan." It's closer to a bad Freddy Krueger Halloween mask than it is to Linda Blair. Second, what the fuck is a "Dwid?" Urban Dictionary says it's "someone who totally blew it." That means his pseudonym is literally implying he's kind of a pathetic demon, which is not at all what I would want out of my badass punk-rock name. But hey, I guess that's why I'm not the one calling myself a dwid.


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4. Michelle Shocked
The Dallas-born singer-songwriter, who famously had a breakdown earlier this year, was born Karen Michelle Johnston but decided to change her name to Michelle Shocked as a reference to "shell shock," the name then applied to PTSD in World War I veterans. She took it on during her punk-rock phase while she was protesting against corporations.

That's all well and good, but seriously, come on, that pun is unforgivable. It's so bad, it makes me cringe every time I hear it. Even worse, "shell shocked" became a go-to for writers discussing her bizarre behavior this year, making it some sort of Inception-style double pun. Kill me now, please.


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Photo by Marco Torres
3. Tity Boi
Never heard of Tity Boi? Come on, you've heard of Tity Boi. Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. You probably only know him as 2 Chainz, international rap superstar. Back in the day when he was just a Georgia local in the group Playaz Circle, though, 2 Chainz was Tity Boi, the most poorly named MC of all time.

To his credit, he's been forthcoming about his history of being known by such a dreadful pseudonym. The reason for it is even better, though: it's a nickname his mom gave him because he was such a voracious breast-feeder. The kicker is that his dad still calls him "Tity Man" in everyday conversation. That must have been ridiculously awkward when he brought girls home as a teenager.

As an aside, do you know why they call him 2 Chainz? Cause he's got two chains on.

The story continues on the next page.


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3 comments
ducttaperoses
ducttaperoses

How did Puff Daddy, or whatever his current name is, and Snoop Dogg not make the list?


Side note: Euronymous, the guy Varg murdered in 1993, also had his name spelled wrong.  He named himself after the demon Eurynomos.  I've never understood this: Why not just name himself after the demon?  Why change it and make it look like you didn't know what you were talking about?

jwoodrff
jwoodrff

Don't  forget Prince Poppycock from the world of Opera.

sllew
sllew

I hope Varg Burns a church for this 

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