From Hair Balls to Rocks Off: Songs for Houston's White-Collar Criminals

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Photo by Joe Bustillos

Houston has a strong job market. Many of those jobs are professional positions in a wide range of industries. Many of the people working in those jobs are creepy, sometimes even murderous criminals.

Just because you've earned a PhD and a seven figure income doesn't mean you can't be wretched. All the accolades earned over a lifetime of sweat and toil can be lost in even a single moment of madness.

Some of our town's biggest headline-gobbling rats were once its big cheeses. Straight from Hair Balls to Rocks Off, here are some musical salutes to these dark-hearted, white-collared, true crime stories.

"Suite-Pee," System of a Down

What industry is better associated with Houston than space and aeronautics? Certainly, those who've endured the rigors to boldly go where no man has gone before are immune to the petty grievances of the heart that plague mere mortals, we all assumed. Until we heard about Lisa Marie Nowak.

Nowak, a space shuttle veteran and NASA employee, was obsessed with a fellow astronaut. She felt another woman was eying the man she had designs on, and so she decided to abort that possible mission with rope, a knife and some pepper spray. She was mercifully foiled and charged with attempted murder of the other woman.

I'm offering the bare basics here because the only important thing anyone recalls about the entire ordeal is that Nowak drove 900 miles -- from Houston to Florida -- to confront the woman. And, to do the drive in record time, she wore a diaper so that she wouldn't have to stop for any nagging bathroom breaks. Gross.

I can't be convinced this System of a Down song isn't the perfect fit for this crime. For one, it has the word "pee" in the title. But also, it sounds fucking crazy.These words must be rumblings from the mind of someone who wants to hurt someone else so bad, they'll soil a diaper for a day, just for the chance.

"Stiletto," Billy Joel

University of Houston research professor Alf Stefan Andersson died in June, when his girlfriend, Ana Trujillo, stabbed him repeatedly with her stiletto heel. She does not contest the bottom line of the matter -- she ended the man's life by repeatedly stabbing him with the shoe, as many as 30 times, by some accounts. She claims self-defense after a night of drinking, jealousy, and aggressive behavior.

Billy Joel's "Stiletto" eerily echoes this tragic and odd crime. Had he not written it more than 30 years ago, one may have guessed he pulled a Law and Order and ripped the song straight from the headlines.

White-collar criminals continue on the next page.

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Friend! These were great music choices for each individual story.  My top two faves are the stiletto murderer and the arsenic chick.  Makes you wonder what the hell is going on in their heads.  Still, never piss off a woman with stilettos.  :)

You had me chuckling and singing along, until I got to the vermin aka wife beater, cocaine user and abuser, sicko, Dr. Michael Brown.  i'm sorry but he is worse than sewer water and just makes me ill.  Bleh.  You nailed the song, though. Now I'm off to sleep and hopefully, no nightmares about el idiota, dr. brown.  my fault, that's what i get for reading this at 12:20 a.m

Hope you have a great Labor Day weekend! :).

ps- Texans beat the dumb Dallas Cowboys!!!  Yeah it was preseason, and yeah it didn't count.  But who cares? We beat the dumb Dallas Cowboys.  ha!


@wordlover Sorry about the Michael Brown thing, friend.  The craziest (and saddest) thing about him, no matter what vile thing he does, is recalling that TV commercial where he had all his family lined up in his lap, like the perfect family unit.  Every time I see the new sordid thing he's done, I just wonder what it was like for those kids to have to sit there for that commercial shoot.

Anyhow, onto better topics - yay Texans and yay long weekend!  Woohoo!!! 

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