I Tried to Explain Transgender Doom Metal to My Three-Year-Old

Categories: Mostly Metal

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I wasn't really in a very good mood on Sunday. Taking the Daughter With One F out of the house so the wife can study for nursing school is my task every weekend, and though my daughter is an angel, I would remind you that so was Lucifer.

It's too hot to play outside except to swim, and the rain derailed that activity. I'm still mad at the Children's Museum for not letting her in the toddler area anymore, so we spent the day amongst the dinosaurs and the new mummies at the Museum of Natural Science. That was the plan, anyway. Instead, it was endless treks trough the gemstone hall because for some reason she thinks shiny rocks are more impressive than thunder lizards and pharaohs.

By the time we drove home, I was out of sorts and insisted on listening to my iPhone library rather than her requests to hear her endless playlist of Doctor Who musical tributes on YouTube. Yes, I was exasperated enough at a three-year-old girl to purposely not to watch music videos about my favorite show. I'm not proud, OK? I'm just tired.

Shuffle brought me to "Fallow Fields" from the Project Armageddon's Tides of Doom. Nine minutes of droning bass lines and vocals about the end of the world seemed just the thing to perk me back up. About halfway through the song, I addressed my offspring.

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"Sweetheart, do you know who this is?"

"Who," said my daughter,

"This is Daddy's friend Ms. Alexis singing. Doesn't she have a pretty voice?"

"Yeah, but it's kind of weird, dad."

I had a five-second inner debate, here, and then decided to forge ahead.

REWIND:

Project Armageddon: The Phillip Glass of Metal


"Well, yes, sweetheart. This is doom-metal, and it's kind of weird by definition. However, her voice is a little unusual even for that. You see, Ms. Alexis was born as a boy. Now she's a girl. She's such a good girl singer that she's actually up for a gold star right now."

In case you don't know what I'm talking about, the facts are these. Alexis Hollada fronts one of our best local metal acts in Project Armageddon. I'd describe them as Philip Glass, if he had written the score for Mad Max and had Patti Smith sing it while doing mescaline and Nyquil. It's very good stuff if you're into the vast entropy of an uncaring universe slowly crushing us all under the weight of emptiness.

I'm so into that sort of thing.

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2 comments
MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

"...and though my daughter is an angel, I would remind you that so was Lucifer."

Statement of the day, right there, y'all.

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