Hipster Garbage: The Indie Band Drinking Challenge, Round 2

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It's no longer a secret that I hold a deep disdain for most of the hipster music that runs across my desk. I try to give it a fair shot, but I just can't get into it. And a ton of it has come across my desk as of late, further igniting that fire of dislike while leaving me to wonder just what my problem is with that junk.

Rewind:

Hipster Garbage: The Indie Band Drinking Challenge, Round 1


So this is the second part to that illustrious blog you read yesterday about how I tortured my good friends into trying to drink away my hipster-music pain. Yep, I'm a certifiable asshole, in case you hadn't come to that conclusion on your own.

Briefly, to ease my oh-so-scientific curiosity on whether hipster bands get better when you're hammered, I sat down with a crap ton of Lone Star and some patient -- albeit unwitting -- friends to test out my hypothesis. I spammed our impromptu music discussion group with the sounds of bands like Capital Cities, Wavves, and Foxygen and ranked them in order from pretty to really, really heinous based on how much alcohol it took to stop loathing them.

We eased you in Tuesday with the least offensive of the most offensive hipster bands, but now it's time to go full-throttle. Here's the worst of the worst, presented with full commentary from those friends I tortured during our musical roundtable.

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5. The World Is a Beautiful Place and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die
Even if their music didn't suck, that name screams hipster garbage. They're a second-wave emo band, full of a serious misuse of layering and effects-heavy guitars.

Subject matter? Suburban nostalgia. It's going to take a few Lone Stars, I'd hypothesize.

Beer 1: "Is that a conservative or liberal statement they're trying to make with the name? When the fuck is the song going to get going? Wait, no. Go back to no vocals. This guy wants to live?!"

Beer 2: "I'm actually on my fourth drink, not my second. This is okay. Oh, wait. He's really whiny. WAIT, WHY IS HE SCREAMING?!"

Beer 3: "It sounds like a Smashing Pumpkins song. This is worse than it was."

Beer 4: "This song never starts! This wait gives me anxiety."

At least the music is pretty sweet in the background. WHY THE FUCK -- THE YELLING.


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4. Times New Viking
Scuzzy lo-fi bullshit and buried vocals, Times New Viking plays drenched in so much distortion and aggression it's an obvious, unnecessary bid to prove they have big balls. Not impressive.

Beer 1: "This song is fuckin' terrible. You can't even hear his voice. It's sloppy and you can't hear what the fuck they're saying. It sounds like they're playing in a garage covered in blankets."

Beer 2: "This -- with the ultra-distortion -- they fuckin' kill me. The music sounds better, but the rest of it's shit."

Beer 3: "Every time it starts, I get my hopes up...(makes crashing noise)"

Beer 4: "The dog whistle in the background hurts my ears."

Beer 5: "They're actually okay now. When I heard the intro, I was looking forward to this song."

Wow. Only five beers into it...


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3. Broken Social Scene
Indulgent, oily bullshit that verges on mind-numbing with some songs that are friggin' SEVEN MINUTES LONG. Oh, and it's kind of redundant to rely on an overabundance of synth, guys.

Beer 1: "I just want to be drunk." (Furrowed brows around the music roundtable on this one.)

Beer 2: "This is boring."

Beer 3: "Shhhhhhhh."

Beer 4: Everyone pretends to sleep. "I can't get into this one. It's too boring; it's too monotone. I don't know."

Beer 5 Fuck it. It's the best of the last.

I guess if you just want to go in for a good snooze, there you go. The world needs elevator music.

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20 comments
jshdodd91
jshdodd91

They are all terrible. I think these kids are trying to create a spontaneous identity of rebellion like that of the 60s. Except they are stealing the identity of 60s culture and mashing it with all types of crap and it is just terrible. I will celebrate when hipsters finally go away

keelydcarter
keelydcarter

yeah, i was with you until you put broken social scene on the list. even though i do kinda dig youth lagoon too, but i can see where you're coming from. my ears can't tolerate times new viking, so i'm with you there. to each his/her own, though!

Bryant Thomas
Bryant Thomas

This is more hipster than the bands you're making fun of...

H_e_x
H_e_x

Don't you see that by looking and acting the same they are totally being different pushing the boundaries? Why do you think the same bands play the same kind of festivals? Because they are so different and the voice of the generation.

*hangs self*

Judith Cruz Villarreal
Judith Cruz Villarreal

I really like times new Viking, youth lagoon, foxygen, BSS and will continue to listen even if hipster listen to it too.

Dat Nguyen
Dat Nguyen

youth lagoon, foxygen, and broken social scene make some of the best hipster garbage out there, so you shut your stupid mouths!

Anse
Anse

I have always believed that a typical trait of the average hipster is that one must show one's sophistication by being properly disdainful of the new thing. You run the risk of being the grumpy old man, Ms. Leicht. Or...the grumpy old lady, whatever. 

gaijintx
gaijintx

Right, so..."hipster garbage" = "bands I don't like"?  Because honestly, these bands don't have a damn thing in common, not even age (i.e., BSS versus some newcomer like Foxygen).

ktharr
ktharr

I will give you Foxygen, but there is something seriously wrong with bashing on Broken Social Scene, given the number of talented musicians in that band. You should check out some of there stuff before dubbing it "elevator music."

dermgerm
dermgerm topcommenter

I almost died with the Foxygen review. 

I'm kinda glad I didn't know any of these bands.

And wtf is with the long ass name The World is a Beautiful Place and I am Not Longer Afraid to Die? Can I just call them WABPINLAD? Even their acronym sucks. This name ranks up there with 3OH!3

BobbyFreshpants
BobbyFreshpants topcommenter

It's official, I can't take you serious after putting Broken Social Scene in this post. 

Is Rocks Off becoming Pops Off? Pop now? 104.1?

MadMac
MadMac

I know RJS about this band (or any of the bands on the list) but with THAT number/many muscians in one band, (talented or otherwise) they best crank out STELLAR music or tend bar, cater dinner, and valet the parking lot as well.

MadMac
MadMac

Nah, check out April Brem Patrick's stuff. If the band/song is EVER in any danger of radio play, she calls it "Soul Destroying." She also desparages an entire ward in vaguely elitist code interspersed with street-cred lingo. Saucy!

MadMac
MadMac

Considering how funny your list was, I'd read it if you did. Sad thing is I'd probably like hafe these bands but, you know, I'm too hip for the room.

angelica.leicht
angelica.leicht

@MadMac I can guarantee you would loathe Foxygen, because you've always got a witty comment to post, meaning you're way too hip for that garbage. :) The other bands might have redeeming qualities -- I just couldn't find 'em. But then again, I'm the antithesis of hip.

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