Red, White, and Rehab: Country Music's 10 Douchiest Moments

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It might be hard to believe, but the same musicians responsible for singing lyrics about big green tractors and diggin' up bones are also responsible for a lot of my Internet entertainment.

You see, when famous people do douchey things, it makes me giggle. When those acts are committed by people that have also said something similar to the words, "Dropkick me Jesus through the goalposts of life," it makes me laugh so hard that I might pee my pants.

The folks below do both. Not only do they croon about goin' fishin' and lament about the day their huntin' dog ran away, but they do some of the dumbest shit known to man in the process. Hard to believe, I know.

Here's our list of country music's douchiest moments. You might want to take a potty break first.

10. Faith Hill's CMA Freakout
During the 2006 Country Music Awards, Faith Hill's reaction to Carrie Underwood's winning (and Hill's losing) Best Female Vocalist was about the douchiest reaction one could hope for.

You can literally see her mouth the word "what?!" from her seat in outrage, and the reaction was epic, with YouTube clocking about 7 million views of the video footage. She claims to be joking, but I call shenanigans on that excuse.

And that, my friends, is what I like to call awesome.


9. Carrie Underwood's Self-Righteous Diatribe
I suppose maybe a little bit of self-important bullshit should be expected from someone who sings about using a baseball bat to bust out her dude's taillights on one song, but then turns around and preaches about Jesus taking the wheel on another. However, it borders on douche territory when Underwood starts whining about turning down the gift of a private jet and how she couldn't imagine having to choose between her career and eating a hamburger.

In an interview with the UK's Guardian, Underwood was questioned about the choice between eating a burger and never singing again. Here's her little gem of a response:

[Looks horrified] Oh no. One beefburger? I don't know. I can't imagine myself ever being put in that situation. Can it just be a bite? Maybe I could do that. Maybe. But I'd feel really bad about it.

Oh, and get this: Underwood also boasts about being a member of a sorority for the philanthropy work, y'all. That's what I'm calling my binge drinking from now on -- don't worry about me, I'm just being a philanthropist.


8. The Anti-Dixie Chicks Backlash
When anti-Bush sentiments spilled forth from lead singer Natalie Maines at a Chicks concert in London in 2003, her critique of the war in Iraq cost the Dixie Chicks more than just some hassle from her die-hard Republican fans; country stations across the United States pulled the Chicks from airplay in protest.

Radio stations also called for the mass disposal of Chicks paraphernalia, with former fans dumping everything from tapes (yes, they existed then) to CDs and concert tickets into the dumpster.

My douche-points don't go to the Dixie Chicks on this one -- they go to the dictatorial radio stations that pulled the group's music for supposedly being "unpatriotic." I mean, seriously? Censorship was so 1996. Let the Chicks squawk about whatever the hell they want. This is 'merica, y'all.

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8 comments
Courtney Riedmann
Courtney Riedmann

John Deere* Sorry, I'm an Iowa girl, it's my duty to know that haha.

Anse
Anse

Every time I have to hear Lee Greenwood sing "God Bless the USA" is immediately the douchiest moment in country music history. 

dermgerm
dermgerm

Faith Hill's WHAT?! video was the best thing ever. I was surprised Carried Underwood made the cut. I wonder what she would have to say if it were a turkey burger haaaa. Also, somehow I feel less clean despite this list being full of douches.

eudemonist
eudemonist

Eh, not a big fan of country, but if the douchiest thing we can come up with is running over a turtle, that's not too bad, I don't reckon.  It beats, oh, I dunno, a golden shower sex tape with an underage girl.

Hanabi-chan
Hanabi-chan topcommenter

Anse, I so agree with you. I used to work for a couple that were in the Amway business, (don't judge me.)  Anyhow, that song got played in a few of the functions I worked at. 

dermgerm
dermgerm

@eudemonist a PROTECTED one. But, Blake Shelton is just way douchey anyway. Even if it was a joke, he can't pull it off and it was really stupid and he handled it like a total tool.

eudemonist
eudemonist

@dermgerm Swerving to smash _any_ animal is pretty lame, but if the guy can tell an Eastern Box Turtle from an Ornate Box Turtle at seventy miles per hour, he's more in tune with nature than I.

dermgerm
dermgerm

@eudemonist @dermgerm touché, he bests me as a naturalist too.

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