Ask Willie D: Trying to Be a Good Stepmother; Undercover Freak
I am a big freak in bed, but my fiancé doesn't have a clue. When we first met, he had a lot to say about girls who are uninhibited; knowing this, I suppressed my desires so that I wouldn't scare him off. My plan was to conceal my emotions, hoping that once he fell in love with me he would do anything to please me.
He doesn't like receiving, but he has performed oral sex on me a few times -- after much coaxing. The problem is whenever he does, he acts like he's at a school taste-testing event trying a new food that grosses him out.
The way he freaks out about going down on me, I don't even know if I could ever gather the courage to tell him that I like doing it in public places or that one of my biggest fantasies is for him to take me from behind, choke me and tell me his friends want some, too.
Bizarre sex is a big part of a relationship to me, and I'm not getting what I need. Although he is a good provider and a nice guy otherwise, I'm at a point where I don't know if he is the man for me to spend the rest of my life with. Please tell me what to do.
Here's what you do: Give your fiancé subtle hints that you want to get wild by mentioning things you read somewhere or saw on TV. You could even make up something about how your friend at work said she enjoyed it when her husband did this or that to her just to see what his reaction would be. If you don't get the response you want, switch gears.
The next time you and your fiancé go out on the town, whether you start out with dinner or a concert, make sure you end up at a bar not far from home -- you don't want the drinks to wear off on a long drive home.
Have a drink or two with your guy, then get him on the dance floor for some bumping and grinding, which will get the sexual energy flowing. Be sure to do plenty of body-language flirting; this will draw attention from other guys and make your fiancé feel like a king because he has something the other men want but can't have.
Before you leave the bar, make sure he has another drink or two but don't get him sloppy drunk; you want him to be able to perform. You can continue to drink also as long as you're not driving. Taking a cab or, if feasible, renting limousine service would be a good option.
As soon as it's obvious that he has a good buzz, make your exit and head home. Continue your flirting in the car.
The second you walk into the house, strip off your clothes and get busy. The liquor in his system should relax his defense mechanisms, so whatever freaky things you want him to say and do to you or vice versa, now is the time.
But don't spook him and unload your entire freak arsenal on him all at once; take it slow. If all goes well and the freak in you is reciprocated, you're on your way. On the other hand, if it backfires and he gets turned off, you could always be like Jamie Foxx and "blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol."
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