Keep Your Tired Love-Song Cliches off My Mixtape


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You'll Die Without Love
Nobody wants love to be responsible for your untimely death. What if your amore goes on a poorly planned trip to the potty? This "die without you" stuff has to stop.

Can we try something like "lonely without you" or "bored while you brush your teeth"? Something a little less deadly? No death on the mixtape.


Love Turned You into a Schmuck with No Standards
Love is not blind, nor did it somehow render you a puddle of brainless sludge. Perhaps you don't mind appearing desperate for human interaction, but let's be legit here: It does indeed matter who you are, where you're from and what you did -- no matter what the Backstreet Boys say.


You Fell in Love, and Now You Need a Compass
There are an abundance of musical clich├ęs about love being the direction -- I'm lost without you, always searching, needing to find love. Avoid any song that suggests love caused your sense of direction to go abso-fucking-lutely haywire. Love must have jacked with your Google maps.

It all makes sense now.


To sum things up: If you insist on screwing your chances by making that blasted Valentine's Day mixtape, at least do yourself a solid and avoid the above deal-killers. Otherwise, plan on a night of boxed wine and late-night Cinemax -- solo.





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