Way to Suck All the Fun Out of the Grammys, New CBS Dress Code
"Please avoid sheer, see-through clothing"?
That's like asking these musicians to make music or not show their vaginas when they get out of the limo or perform live.
There are so many stars worthy of this dress code -- many of them more worthy of the dress code than the designation of "star," but that's another blog post. The list of likely Grammy dress-code offenders starts and ends with Lady Gaga, unless she shows up in a womblike egg again, but that's unlikely.
But since she's well-known for "exposing bare flesh under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack," we really think The Lady of Gaga might be in trouble this year. Can she resist temptation? Will she even come within 100 miles of L.A.'s Staples Center?
And when we read the phrase, "please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples" how can we help but think of Janet Jackson, although her wardrobe wasn't exactly see-through so much as it was ineffectively fastened and/or pastied?
Most likely violator of this no-nip rule? It's a tie between Rihanna, who lately seems to relish negative attention, and Jesse J. who basically just enjoys playing with that fine line between "being dressed" and "nudity."
"Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible 'puffy' bare skin exposure."
We really want to believe this is a coded message to Sean [insert current nickname] Combs, but it clearly is not, since all instructions that specifically mention body parts up to this point have been directed toward women. Puffy bare genital skin -- what is that exactly? It sounds more like a concern for one's doctor than the censors.
Is your skin "puffy" "down there"? Where, down there, is it puffy? And please, please -- who is in charge of analyzing and determining puffy crotch skin at the Grammys? Because that guy needs a raise.
Our vote for Puffy Genital Skin at the 2013 Grammys?