5 Bands Studies Show Make You a Bad Person

Categories: Naughty Naughty

Trent Mark Austin.jpg
Photo by Mark C. Austin
3. Nine Inch Nails
Trent Reznor really felt my pain when I was a kid and he put it into words and music. Nobody else understood me, man. I imagine a lot of others out there were the same way. Few other bands captured the raw and admittedly whiny emotions of suburbanite teenagers the way Nine Inch Nails did.

But in retrospect, we have to realize, perhaps this is what did us in. When I think about it, it was around the time I started listening to Nine Inch Nails that I started wearing bondage gear, self-harming, engaging in violent sex acts (especially auto-erotic asphyxiation), and shooting up massive amounts of heroin, to be just like my hero Trent! It turned out to be just a phase, but imagine the effect music like this must have had on other youths! Imagine how many people I infected when I was into that stuff! It's poison!


Ozzy Grooovehouse.jpg
Photo by Groovehouse
2. Ozzy Osbourne
Ozzy has almost as many songs as AC/DC about people trying to stop him from rocking, people telling him he's a bad guy for rocking, etc., etc. We all love Ozzy for it, but with the results of this study, maybe he really should have stopped rocking. After all, look at what his rocking has wrought upon the youth of the world at large!

I don't know about you guys, but I discovered Ozzy before the age of ten. Black Sabbath's Paranoid was the first album I ever bought on cassette tape from a Walgreen's! And so it goes that before my 10th birthday, I was already biting the heads of bats, snorting fire ants mixed up in my cocaine, and running around Dallas pretending that I was JR Ewing. It's a tragic story that has befallen so many of the youth everywhere. Thanks, Ozzy.

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1 comments
Noelle A. Perry
Noelle A. Perry

i agree with #1. i used to hear "sledgehammer" on 106.9 EVERY GODDAMN TIME i took a shower and turned on the shower radio. the horrible, cheesy innuendo slowly drove me insane.

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