Put a (Super Bowl) Ring On It: The Beyoncé Set List We'd Like to See

Thumbnail image for beyonce toyota june22.jpg
Photo by Daniel Kramer
Beyoncé at Toyota Center, 2009
Remember when it actually seemed halfway likely that the Texans could make the Super Bowl this season? Ha! Good times. After the team's collapse down the stretch, highlighted by a couple of humiliating losses to Tom Brady and pals, the only way Matt Schaub will be in the Superdome on this coming Sunday is if he buys a ticket. Might want to hurry, too, because the game may sell out.

Luckily, Houston will still be represented on the field at the Big Game by a far worthier ambassador. The one and only Beyoncé will be the star of the annual halftime spectacular, and unlike some other locals we could name, she's a proven clutch performer.

As the date draws nearer, our imaginations are starting to race. We already know Destiny's Child will make an appearance, and you can probably pencil in Jay-Z at some point too. Could there be other special guests in the offing? Justin Timberlake? Gwyneth Paltrow? Michelle Obama?

And oh my God, what will Bey be wearing?

Vegas is probably taking bets on all of this stuff. But what we're really interested to find out is what Bey will actually sing. After the whole lip-syncing flap at the inauguration, she really needs to bring it. And we've got a few ideas about what the set list should include (and not include, under any circumstances, ever).

It's not quite Gary Kubiak's beloved Denny's menu, but we think we've come up with a solid playbook for Beyoncé's performance. Don't forget to set your DVR:

1. "Crazy in Love"

Let's not overthink this. Beyoncé's debut solo single was an unqualified home run, and it's the only choice to properly kick-start this gig. First off, it's Bey's brassiest song of all time, and you know how much the producers love bringing a marching band out onstage at these things. Plus it gets Jay-Z out for a verse right off the bat, sending the crowd into a tizzy while his wife twerks it for the cameras. With the dynamic duo opening up with guns blazing, no one will dare change the channel.


2. "Check On It"
This one has got to make it into the set list, if only to get Slim Thug up onstage during the Super Bowl. "Check On It" sometimes feels like Beyoncé's forgotten No. 1, and it's time to reverse that. In addition to Bey's silky crooning, it's got tremendously danceable, rump-shaking drums by Swizz Beatz and some dandy bars from Slim.

Bun B even dropped in for a verse in the music video, so why not invite him along, too? It'll be like we hopped into a time machine to the heady days of 2005, when Houston ruled the charts for 15 minutes or so.


3. "Halo"
OK, Bey, this is your chance. You got roasted on Fox News for allegedly lip-syncing the Anthem at the inauguration. It's time to break out your biggest ballad and prove once again that you've got the pipes to back up that posterior. The Super Bowl halftime folks love to pass out glow sticks and shit for the blimp shots, and this tune is perfect for that. Imagine everybody on the field in New Orleans holding up little light-up halos! All for you, Beyoncé.

At this point, we've kind of moved forward chronologically through Bey's career. It's time to go old-school for a minute.



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21 comments
berencheats
berencheats

She and her horse faced husband, Shawn Corey Carter, are two of the ugliest, fattest, cat-ass-having people I've ever seen and their music blows.

Gorgo Aleksandr
Gorgo Aleksandr

LOL you guys are so funny! awesome comments, very entertaining ;)

Jason Barron
Jason Barron

i wish we didnt have see that bitch perform. i would of prefered Barry Manilow.

David Finley
David Finley

What she's wearing in that photo looks like a wardrobe malfunction or some kind of adult diaper.

Mo McGee
Mo McGee

1. Wardrobe malfunction. 2. Rep h-town. 3. VAN HAGAR hah

Jww Weghorst
Jww Weghorst

She ain't all that. Van Halen would have rocked it!!!!

Claudia Segovia
Claudia Segovia

I want to be surprised. No doubt it will be a performance to remember!

Matt Li
Matt Li

admit her guilt for breaking up destiny's child

Ken Webster
Ken Webster

Breaking news - the Houston Press has song requests for Beyonce. Nice 'journalism'.

feufoma
feufoma

She's...just...horrible.  I'm all for representating Houston but she's so very overrated.  What crap "music".

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