The 10 Worst Holiday Cover Songs Ever

Categories: Holidaze

4. Destiny's Child, "Carol of the Bells"

Listen, we love a clever take on a classic as much as the next guy, but when you try to outsmart acclaimed composers and musicians by using ProTools and a producer whose resume includes running the soundboard at church musicals, you're gonna have a bad time. Much like trying to accessorize a Maserati using parts found in an aisle of AutoZone, this song features tons of pointless and tacky "improvements" to more traditional arrangements.

To make matters worse, the second Houston artists to make the list take entire sections and very obviously loop them into later parts of the song, giving the impression that the lovely voices in Destiny's Child couldn't even be bothered to do an entire take.

3. August Burns Red: "Jingle Bells"

August Burns Red is a Christian metalcore group whose cited influences are other metalcore bands that have existed approximately 15 minutes longer than they have. Much like ABR couldn't pick a specific genre of metal to ape, we couldn't decide which song off their 2012 cash grab Christmas album was the worst.

Much of it is so glaringly overproduced that it comes off as bad Mannheim Steamroller set to blastbeats. We'll be honest; after listening to the entire album, we excluded the tolerably arranged "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" and "O Holy Night," then just closed our eyes and picked a track number. "Jingle Bells" starts off amiably enough with a decent acoustic arrangement, wanders into a questionable keyboard accompaniment, and then it's off to the metal elevator music found in the rest of the album.

Besides, Christmas carols just aren't that metal. Be glad it's an instrumental version, as this band's vocals are hilariously bad.

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Jesus that Blenders song is depressing, it’s like spending Christmas Eve in a Holiday Inn in Parsons Kansas.

Robert Medlin
Robert Medlin

Everyone I know is getting a copy of that August Burns Red CD.

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