With Andrew WK Out, Who Can Bring the Party to the Middle East Now?
Over the weekend, the State Department shocked uptight old white people around the United States by announcing that expert on partying Andrew WK would be bringing the party to Bahrain as a cultural ambassador.
In the world we live in, this shouldn't be all that shocking. President Obama is practically a regular on The Daily Show and Kumar works for the White House Office of Public Engagement to this day.
Unfortunately, the uptight old white people who still run the State Department realized at the last minute that Andrew WK was perhaps not in line with their uptight old-white-people values. I mean, he's part of that rock and roll stuff, and hard partying is destroying our society. So they pulled the plug on his mission.
Mr. WK released his own statement on the matter Tuesday. Apparently he feels like the State Department "judged a book by its cover" and that he "would've done a great job and represented our nation with dignity and pride."
I agree, but what if... what if maybe the reason they rejected WK at the last minute was, in fact, not because of his hard partying ways, but because (hear me out) they thought he didn't party hard enough. I know, I know, you're asking yourself, "Who parties harder than Andrew WK?" There are not many, but there are a few elite options the State Department may seek out to replace him to party in Bahrain even harder.
I know what you're thinking: Flea? Yes, Flea. The Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist has, for better or worse, partied so hard that he's watched a good deal of his friends die from partying too hard. He lived and breathed the party for the majority of the 1980s and it's a wonder the man made it out himself. Plus, the bass just makes the party. There's not a party in the world that couldn't be made better with the bassline from "Higher Ground." Turn that one up and you're golden for a good time.
Photo by Groovehouse
3. Lee Ving (Fear)
Lee Ving may not be known as a hard-partying dude, at least no more than any other old-school punk, but there's something to keep in mind here: Lee Ving kept pace with John fucking Belushi. Before Belushi overdosed on the party, he was living it up with L.A. punks like Ving and Fear, as well as Black Flag. Belushi even brought Fear to SNL, where the band promptly got banned for life. The point is, if Ving can bring even a fraction of the Belushi party to the Middle East, it's going to slay.