So This Is 5 Years of Listening to Sunny 99.1's Christmas?

Categories: Holidaze

mariah_christmas_tree_2.jpg
Speaking of crooners, here comes "The Christmas Song" by Michael Buble, off last year's massive-selling and appropriately titled Christmas album, which sold more copies than most every other record in 2011, making it the year's second best-selling. Yes, Adele was No. 1.

I am starting to think all these songs have been compressed and edited to be shorter than usual. That, or I have just gotten used to long drawn-out bullshit on a regular basis, and not these sexy, built-for-speed holiday cuts. They feel like they go by within the blink of an eye. Just like the holidays. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Oh look, "Sleigh Ride" by Johnny Mathis, a man whose albums infest thrift-store LP bins like roaches in Montrose apartments. I kid.

"Christmas Canon" from Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Why doesn't the TSO make songs all year round, like for the Super Bowl and Easter?

Stevie Wonder sings about "Silver Bells," but how does he know they are silver? Aha.

"Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon is has gotten less happy and more depressing to me as the years go by. It must be Lennon's animated emoting.

And the award for Whitest Christmas Song Ever goes to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings" by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan. Free puppies for all!

The station ID break just said that they are broadcasting from the North Pole. Man, I bet that was expensive to move everyone up north for a few months. Terrestrial radio has deeper pockets than we all thought. What a scam.

"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" from John Mellencamp is nearly unintelligible. "Ehr sawr Mammar kerssing that Sanner Cawws" is more like it.

HOMESTRETCH. I am on my last five minutes.

Amy Grant is 52 years old? When did that happen? Oh, damn you, Vince Gill for marrying her and sucking the life out of her. She needs a pop renaissance.

My annual hour of holiday tunes ends fittingly with "Mary, Did You Know?" by Rascal Flatts. Rascal Fartts. Rascal Fatts. Rascal Crapps. Raggle Fraggle.

Is it January yet??

NO.

It can't end like this. It won't.

Here comes Burl Ives to close me out, old-fashioned way with "Holly Jolly Christmas."

Thank you, fat Christmas angel.






Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
8 comments
FattyFatBastard
FattyFatBastard topcommenter

It's the f*cking radio.  Do you have 99.1 in your presets?  Does anyone?  I figure the ones that do are probably the same ones who can stand listening to Christmas music for a month.  As for me, I'll flip to it maybe a couple times on Christmas eve.

HoustonPress
HoustonPress

@OddOilfieldWife I like it myself, at least the quirkier songs. The real dramatic cuts turn me off.

Jalapeno
Jalapeno

It started days before Thanksgiving this year.  I can't take it anymore.

MadMac
MadMac topcommenter

I stubbled into this programming--like walking in on a sex/money transaction or a robbery at the convenience store while buying milk and Cheerios--on Monday, November 12; way, WAY TOO EARLY. Upside, it reaffirmed my faith, in h3ll.  

craig.hlavaty
craig.hlavaty moderator

@MadMac It used to start on Thanksgiving Day or the day after. So sad. 

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...