Dear Houston, Kindly Shut the Hell Up at Eddie Vedder
Pearl Jam lead singer and everything advocate Eddie Vedder pulls into Houston today for a two-night stand at Jones Hall, making up two shows he had to cancel back in the spring due to injury. Singer-songwriter Glen Hansard will also be on hand to open both shows, and he even helps out Vedder on a few songs.
Do not make Mr. Vedder disappoint in you, Houston.
So a subdued night of Vedder solo cuts, some stripped down PJ classics, and a few covers is waiting for you all holding tickets. Sounds legit, as a friend of mine would say. I'm excited too.
But you know, Houston, this show is at Jones Hall, not the House Of Blues, where a lot of you have social hour during the show you paid eighty bucks to see.
There's a bit more decorum involved here. The venue has certain unspoken rules. Rules that you -- NOT ALL -- routinely flout.
You know, like shutting the hell up.
For one, don't shout out at Mr. Vedder to play "Even Flow" or "Jeremy" because do you know how awful those would sound on a ukelele? (The uke being one of his current instruments of choice.)
The loudest he may get is on his Into the Wild stuff, namely "Far Behind." Raise a glass for one of the most morose discs of 2007, will ya?
Can you throw in "Immortality" from Vitalogy in there somewhere, Ed?
Keep the cellphone pics almost non-existent. Have you ever taken pics inside Jones Hall during a show, any show? Beautiful sound and lighting, but not conducive to your iPhone pics and Instagrammin'.
Believe me, when I saw Michael Bolton there a few years ago, my shots were for shit. For shit.
If you must drink in excess before the show, keep the pee-pee breaks to a minimum. It's hard as hell to get in and out of the seats at Jones Hall. Once you are seated, you might as stay seated. Everyone will know you have a child's bladder. If you are pregnant, I apologize.