Wait: Why Is Justin Bieber Making Perfume For Girls?

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BUY NOW YOU LITTLE BITCHES.
Look, I like money. It's fun. It smells good in your hands. It can get you food, clothing, shelter and even booze. I get the appeal of money. I hope one day to have more money than I have now. Maybe even a credit card. Justin Bieber likes money too. I respect that.

"Get your paper, dawg," as he would say himself.

The pop star loves money enough to release not one, but two, fragrances for women. TWO PERFUMES FOR WOMEN. With his name on them. There is nary a can of male body spray ("Axe by Beebz"?) to be seen, but Perez Hilton seems stoked nonetheless.

Yes, on the same day that Lady Gaga's blood-and-semen infused concoction is released, Bieber's fragrances also went live.

Available at Macy's, Sephora, Nordstrom's, Dillards and Ulta, the Beeb juice is sure to be a big hit this holiday season. From what I know about fragrance development, I know that the celebs behind each smell-good spray define what their little glass merchandise leader is to smell like.

That means that Beebz -- and maybe his girlfriend Selena Gomez -- decided what little girls should smell like.

From the ad copy for GIRLFRIEND

Get close with Justin Bieber's new fragrance, Girlfriend and never let go. Flirty, personal, inviting, Justin's new fragrance draws you in with an exciting splash of crisp mandarin and juicy blackberry.

From there, things heat up with exotic floral notes of pink freesia and star jasmine, before striking a flame in your heart with warm vanilla orchid and sultry musk.

Warm, sultry and musk are two things that I don't think of when I think of the Canadian pop hero. I get a rich burning-toast-and-mayonaisse smell in my head when I think of him.

From the ad copy for SOMEDAY

Experience the energy of Justin Bieber's new fragrance, SOMEDAY. Playful, thought- provoking, fresh yet flirty, and anything but ordinary, the bottle comes with a removable crystal heart charm from Justin. What better way to carry his heart on your sleeve?

Is SOMEDAY supposed to evoke virginity imagery. Like a "Someday Justin will see me in the crowd at the county fair behind his teleprompter and let me blow him in his tour bus?" someday? I hope so.

But don't take my word for it...



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2 comments
Craigley
Craigley

He looks like KD Lang and she looks like Elvira.

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