Stevie Wonder Divorce Heralds Impending Doom

Categories: The End Is Nigh

Even though Mason Lankford said, "There will come a day when we forget the Rapture ever even happened," Rocks Off is keeping an eye out for signs of our impending Armageddon. I was wrong last time, but I'm totally right this time!

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whitehouse.gov
It must be nice for Barack Obama to appear in an article about the end of the world and not be the subject. Call it a late birthday gift, sir.
Sad news in the entertainment world. Beloved pop star Stevie Wonder, the blind piano man that gave us hits like "Superstition," has filed for divorce from his wife of 11 years. Fashion designer Kai Millard Morris is the 62-year-old Wonder's second wife. They will share joint custody of their two sons.

Documents obtained by Rueters indicate that the couple had been separated since 2009, with irreconcilable differences listed as the grounds for the divorce. It's always sad to see a marriage fall apart, and our thoughts and condolences go out to the family in this troubling and private time.

My only advice is to cheer up! Seeing as how the divorce has instigated the end of the world.

The answer lies, as always, in the Book of Revelation. Here's Johnny...

The beast that thou sawest was, and is not; and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition: and they that dwell on the earth shall wonder, whose names were not written in the book of life.
-- Rev. 17:8

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Wonder, whose legal last name is Morris, picked up his colorful stage name courtesy of producer Clarence Paul, who said that "we can't keep calling him the eighth wonder of the world."

As you can see in the above quote from the only book of the Bible that anyone really needs in the Age of Apocalypse, the word "wonder" is pretty common in the tale of End Times. It appears on six occasions in the book, and each in conjecture with beasts of destruction.

But the most apparent passage involves the "book of life." One of Wonder's best works is the double EP Songs in the Key of Life, released to near-universal praise in 1976. It debuted at No 1 on the charts, where it stayed for 13 consecutive weeks.

In short, it's a masterpiece that just happens to have a near-identical title to God's black book in a verse that immediately follows the mention of Wonder himself!

OK, OK, but what does divorce have to do with it? Shouldn't Armageddon have happened in 1976, then? Well, yes... it should've, but that's not the point. The point is that free from the constraints of marriage, the beast shall run amuck!

In the next chapter, Babylon, often symbolized as the woman that accompanies the Beast, is stripped of all her fine fashions (Not Wonder's ex's profession) and "the voice of harpers, and musicians, and of pipers, and trumpeters, shall be heard no more at all in thee"

The final battle for the souls of Earth is happening right now in a divorce court in the City of Angels.

Blessed is he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.
-Rev 1:3



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