5 Simple Ways to Tell Hate Bands From Non-Hate Bands

Categories: Current Events

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Dirty Harry hates only one race: The human race.
(UPDATED) Burn the Lies: CNN Calls Hatebreed a "White Power" Act

CNN caused an uproar earlier this week when it ran a hastily-slapped-together story on racist hate bands in knee-jerk reaction to Sunday's utterly reprehensible Sikh temple shooting in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. In the story, columnist Lonnie Nasatir lumped Cookie Monster-metal band Hatebreed in with various white power acts, and boy, were Hatebreed and their fans ever unhappy.

Which is, of course, perfectly understandable; nobody wants to be lumped in with a bunch of backwards-ass goose-stepping illiterates if they can possibly help it. CNN has printed a retraction, but Nasatir has yet to offer his own apology. He's in an awkward position, but we think most people would understand if he just owned up, said "my bad" and moved on, don't you?

Of course, there were steps he could have taken to keep from making the mistake in the first place. For instance:

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1. Not Every Band With "Hate" In the Name Is a "Hate Band"

A very superficial mistake to make. After all, there are plenty of ways to hate. Our favorite has always been misanthropy, the equal hatred of all homo sapiens, regardless of what color they happen to be.

Luddite bands who hate technology are big right now, mostly because scouring second-hand shops for antique celestas and old reel-to-reel four-track recorders is super fun. The fact of the matter is, most forms of hatred have nothing whatsoever to do with race.

2. Racist Bands Love Big, Tough German Words

Neo-nazis make up a huge section of the modern racist movement, so naturally you gotta figure they'll be all about where Nazi-ism sprang to life in the first place: Germany. But hold the phone -- not just any German word will do; neo-nazi bands only want the tough words, like the word for "blood" (blut) or "corpse" (leiche) or "sword" (schwert) or "totally awesome badass tiger that breathes fire and hates minorities and is also half-robot but a robot built by white people" (translation pending).

Self-Defense Note: if confronted by neo-nazis, reminding them that they're soft, suburban Americans who have never even been to Germany will make them physically deflate by at least 50 pounds.

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u think he took the time to listen to any hatebreed songs


Cookie-Monster metal band Hatebreed?  Yer cracked.

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