5 More Sudden Awful Musical Marriages We'd Like to See

kesha_weiland.jpg
HEY. HEY, GIRL. OVER HERE. HEY.
Rewind: So Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne Are Engaged: How Should You Feel?

Boy, that Avril Lavigne/Chad Kroeger engagement announcement came out of left field, huh? Who knows which other terrible music makers are secretly seeing one another right now? Why, it could be anyone! Even...

Ke$ha and Scott Weiland

How They'll Meet: Weiland's Duffel-Bag-Full-of-Miscellaneous-Pills dealer gets pinched by the cops, so he's forced to use a different guy, who accidentally books a simultaneous appointment with a certain glitter-smeared dance-floor darling. It's a meet-cute straight out of a Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks film; the epic binge that follows, somewhat less so.

How Long They'll Last: Two weeks before the marriage is annulled by the state, as neither party can be considered legally responsible for themselves.


Fred Durst & Alanis Morrissette

How They'll Meet: While drunkenly raging at a party, Durst clocks someone who happens to be standing too close. Later, it's discovered that the person was Dave Coulier. Durst receives an invitation to coffee from Morrissette the next day.

How Long They'll Last: Six months before the feminist Morrissette realizes that Durst's persona isn't satirical performance art, he's really like that.


Katy Perry & Insane Clown Posse's Violent J

How They'll Meet: Match.com hooks them up after Perry checks the box next to "I like a guy who pisses off my parents" and Violent J checks the box next to "Boobs and little else."

How Long They'll Last: Two and a half years, or the average amount of time it takes to grow out of one's Juggalo phase.


Taylor Swift & Kid Rock

How They'll Meet: In line for tickets to see what they think is a Skynyrd cover band but actually turns out to be an act that plays '80s hits transformed into Southern rock anthems. The band: Sweet Home Bananarama. After a few bottles of Red Stag, the magic begins.

How Long They'll Last: Four years, splitting just after Kid Rock remixes Swift's latest single to include a "totally kickass" Def Leppard riff. "I thought you'd like it!" Nope.


Lady Gaga & Scott Stapp

How They'll Meet: A blind date arranged through a mutual friend, who radically misinterprets the both of them when they claim they'd like to "try something different." Mismatched and bickering at first, the two soon bond over a shared love of stealing from other artists and ham-fisted Christ imagery.

How Long They'll Last: Seven years, which will be one Christmas tree decorated with raw meat too many.



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2 comments
Ian T. Komouss
Ian T. Komouss

Russel Brand/Ke$ha would be interesting and terrifying to watch.

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